Girls, have you ever wrongly gauged a guy to be a pushover only to find out he was secretly a hard ass when he needed to be (read my example below)?

[t-8900]

A girl I once liked thought I was a push over "too nice" when she would interact with me daily. She basically friend zoned me is what she did. She apparently found my physically attractive and "sweet" but I guess thought I was a boring nice guy or something I don't know since you ladies never really elaborate much on the nice vs too nice/pushover lol. She had a guy who was constantly stalking her in the old neighborhood. One night I'm walking home late from work and the guy is grabbing her and she lets out a scream. I hear it and go to investigate. I see him grabbing her between the side walk and the woods. I run over and haul off to the back of the head, grab him by his head and smash it into one of the trees than stomp the sh*t out of him.

I go over to her and grab her hand and get her out of there and from there walked her home. When we got to her front door she grabbed my hand firm and then kissed me on the lips (unexpected tbh). For the next few days she started giving me rides to work and one day she made a pass at me letting me know she was single. I didn't pursue it and maybe that was stupid. I always kind of lived by the philosophy "wasn't good enough for you then, not good enough for you now" or "reject me at my worst, I reject you at my best" deal. Not so much because of pride but more as a measure of safety that I'm with someone who valued me even before I got to where I am. Not sure if the decision was right but I figure looking back that things happen the way they do for a reason. Maybe I can make wiser choices in the future if I know how your heads tick. by the way why do you think things changed from that event?

Updates

+1 y

my theory was that maybe y'all think a softer guy is preferable in many ways because he's more likely to bond with you but isn't as capable to protect you?

[AmandaYVR]

I don't know. This is really not my area of knowledge at all. I don't feel that equipped to provide much insight here.
Plus I find this whole topic at the crossroads of trying to fairly assimilate both our thousands of years old history with the more evolved and bigger brained version of today. How the hell do we incorporate both in the right proportions?

"when i show my caring and affectionate side I feel like i become less appreciated or something sometimes."
See, that sucks. I'm sorry a lot of men feel this way or have experienced this. This is probably the most disturbing thing about what you wrote. I really don't understand it.
When I like a guy, I want him to be into me. I want him to change when he's around me. I want to see his softer side. Everyone has one. What we are in our entirety, internally, is not what any of us portray to the world. And that's understandable and okay.
But this whole notion that some have that they should make themselves less available, or be less caring... it's pretty awful that this exists as a strategy.
I did say once, here on gag, to a young girl who said, "My boyfriend doesn't really appreciate me anymore. I feel like he's taking me for granted, not putting in any effort anymore" that she should make herself less available to him. Don't go over to his place every night (or invite him over, whatever the case was), and don't text all day every day, stuff like that. Absence creates longing and longing creates desire. Which is really all about appreciation, right. (Not just sexual desire.)

But as far as the machismo, protector, aspect... I mean, yeah, I guess this will never change. Add to that, some girls/women are more impressed by these things. Some others will be put off and think the guy's a hothead and maybe even if she is not worried about his temper towards her (and maybe their offspring), that she can't exactly rest easy because he might turn violent on someone else one day.
But most people would see this situation you described as simply being a protector. Did your reaction go too far? Perhaps. Definitely debatable. And according to the (sometimes f'd up) law, you might be charged. You did say once you are a bit of hothead. Maybe you partly used this situation as an outlet, where it was justified, to teach this guy a lesson, and protect her at the same time. I don't really have much to say on all this. I have been a pacifist and don't like physical violence. But I also believe that bullies do often only learn to stop their shit behaviour by someone of greater power overtaking them and teaching them just how powerless they can be.
Boxers, MMA fighters, etc. are a turn off to me. But the ability, both physically and emotionally, to protect loved ones, if it comes with absolutely pure intentions, is perhaps something to be commended.

[AmandaYVR]

I do not relate to "too nice" and it actually makes me kind of disgusted that that is apparently even a thing. I do have some notes and ideas jotted down about this concept - 'too nice' vs. 'bad boy' appeal. It's a weighty topic though. At least, the way I would write it. I have some great examples of characters in film that I may include, because what fascinates me is how it is in fact the same man, just with different window dressing (styling.) Some writer (and director etc.) had a vision, and made that actor into one then; and then another made him into something else. And that one man found both archetypes inside of him. So to me, I see strength, sexiness, hotness, always mixed in with vulnerability, sensitivity, and gentle compassion. And I mean always. The proportions vary, yes, but I almost don't believe that these traits don't exist in all men. (Though I am aware that there are aspects to my personality that always do bring out these same traits in men. I am one variable in this equation, I know.) Still, I find it frustrating, to say the least, that some females perpetuate this idea of machismo. Machismo exists not just to impress women. It's part of being a man, and not being walked on, stepped on. No boy survives childhood if they let others dominate them completely. And some men use their brains far more than their brawn, to get themselves out of life's peccadillos. Humans are more valuable as brainy now, since we have made machines to do our bidding.

[AmandaYVR]

Anyway, in some ways this girl is pretty common. And she is leaning in to her biology and baser instincts. Are all girls like her? No. Some are almost the opposite, and would be repelled by the situation. I think it's up to every individual man as to how he views this.
It's probably a safe-ish bet that most women would appreciate being 'rescued' when they feel they are in danger. And the line there is subduing the attacker, but not beating him mercilessly out of revenge or whatever. I know someone (we dated briefly, then became friends, then lost touch, then became recently reacquainted), and he witnessed a convenience store being robbed, subdued the guy with force, and because he pretended to be a cop. Gusty. He was awarded a certificate of thanks from the police department for his help. Though of course they are officially against 'vigilante justice.' Fine line, right?

[t-8900]

I think this particular situation and the context just triggered me in that moment. What with my own dark past. The subject of rape is an extremely hard one for me to deal with. I get filled with more emotion on that and another subject more than any other for my reasons. I can't stand watching helpless people being attacked and I won't tolerate it if I'm witnessing it. If I just reported it to the police she probably would have been in the process of being raped. Plus there's just no chance in hell of me not doing something in that moment. The idea was to beat him into incapacitation and get her to safety. That is to say make sure he cannot get back up. Would he try to report me? He'd have 2 witnesses against him and I'm sure DNA left by him on her clothing or something like that. Plus I had connections in the old neighborhood so that was never going to happen anyways. He'd have to be looking over his shoulder at all times for the rest of his miserable existence. Personally for me there is no room for rapists in this world and I dont believe in giving them a second chance. They should be treated the same as murderers far as I'm concerned because they can murder another person's mental wellbeing potentially for life for their actions and also they are animals, not people. As for the "too nice" thing. Yes my first girlfriend told me that as part of her reasoning for breaking up with me and also having had been cheating for weeks leading up to the break up. Suffice it to say I was devastated. She would not be the last one to do that to me either. Perhaps its the culture in my area? I honestly don't know. Time will tell if being myself actually gets me anywhere with women or not.

[AmandaYVR]

That's perfectly understandable.
And if the situation with this stalker was that serious then yes it was probably deserved.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Her opinion of you changed from that event, sounds like you became her hero. You saved her from who knows what.

I judge a lot of people wrongly, first impressions are never the whole picture, sort of like trying to get to know someone by viewing one minute in a 24 hour period.

That one minute may be right, but its a very small slice.

[t-8900]

why do you think she made advances after but not before? Do you think she found me more attractive? Do you think it was the idea that I was just a good protector? Was it maybe she just felt she owed me? Or do you think it was more than all that?

[Aerissa_Jade]

Only she would know, could of been her way to simply thank you. It really could of been all of it, only she would know.

She may have just wanted to give you sex as a thanks, or wanted a relationship cause you protected her.

Really it could be any of the above or none.

[t-8900]

I see, thank you for your input.

[TrueConfection]

Yes, but different. I thought a guy was really nice and sweet and turned out it was a lie.

[t-8900]

Why do you think she changed her tune with me? Did I do anything wrong in that situation?

[t-8900]

Also is my update/assumption on the right track?

[TrueConfection]

It's hard for me to say. Young women might feel that way, but I know men can be both sweet and capable.

[t-8900]

when i show my caring and affectionate side I feel like i become less appreciated or something sometimes.

[TrueConfection]

That weeds out all the wrong girls. ☺

[t-8900]

i suppose thats true.