How can I stand for myself and act tough but be respectful and loving at the same time?

[Anonymous]

I fear so much to stand for myself in relationships. I accept them being harsh to me and I receive pain, but I everytime I try to stand for myself feels horrible. I hate hurting others feelings. My love is soft and understanding. I don't know how girls stand up for themselves even after a minor disrespect. They break up with their boyfriend over things even though they still love their partner. They have this pride and anger, that i can't feel in love. I don't pay attention to pride nor try to avoid toxic feelings like anger within me. I'm very self reflective. For example, every boyfriend I had criticized my weight. It's painful, and shakes my confidence. But I still to agree with them and change myself. Other girls would make an ultimatum: accept me or leave me. But I can't. Not because they don't deserve it. But because I always try to read under their requests. Understand their preferences. There are so many green flags in their behaviour. I concentrate on goods. But when it comes to criticizing me, i can't disagree. I can't make them not do it. I feel like I will allow anyone to do anything to me, if they feel like it. Not because I feel inferior, but I'm this kind of person: I respect anyone and I let anyone speak their minds. I don't control. I don't pressure or ask anyone to change. I encourage everyone to speak their minds, but it costs my dignity. I love my boyfriend, he's a great guy. But he did a huge mistake by comparing my weight to others by telling me he likes skinny girls. I feel it's his choice but he wants to be with me. It still hurts. He told me he felt guilty telling it and was expecting from me that I'd get angry and he feared i would leave him. I don't even know why would he had thought about that, but maybe he's right? Maybe me being so oriented on pleasing makes me seem less? I feel like I need to have a strong guard. Want to change. I want to become tough but loving at the same time. How? Please help me. I want respect and love.

[Iron_Man]

I’m an expert at this kind of stuff I know how to train the woman to be beautiful nice and sweet and loving but to walk around with the resting bitch face out in Publix and nobody will hit on her plus when the boyfriend needs help in life you have steel in your balls and you can get things done for him and you

[BarryLiverstone]

It starts with loving yourself first. Do you feel like you love yourself or is there something that blocks your self love?

[Asker]

I love myself, i like myself, she's great. But I understand my flaws and I'm not always right. I sometimes doubt my thoughts because I reflect a lot of them. I have an anxiety so instead of attacking or fighting with others, i prefer to fight my thoughts. But many don't see it. I feel like sometimes I make people who love and respect me, turn into my greatest critics and always tell me what I do wrong. I self reflect, so if feels like the world is reflecting on me and assessing my behaviour. I'm an open book, i can't manipulate others into liking me. I feel it's my strength to know myself. But other people fail in it, they can't see me

[BarryLiverstone]

What’s the source of your anxiety?

[Asker]

Feeling misunderstood. I feel whatever I say or do, everyone will view it from their own angle and not try to see my point

[BarryLiverstone]

Gotta move past that anxiety and realize you can’t please everyone. Of course some people will view what you say in a negative way but when you love someone and build up trust with them it lets you open up and know they will give you grace and the benefit of the doubt

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks for MHO