How does one stand up for themselves and still be respectful?

Question

My boyfriend and his mother take advantage of me... Throwing my things away, taking things that belong to me, his mother always just walks in (Never knocks)! It doesn't matter if your watching TV or not she'll grab the remote and change it to whatever she wants to watch! Both of them gossip about me cause I'm not the best Suzy homemaker!! I feel that I can't say anything to either of them... I live with my boyfriend, he pays all the bills and I supply the house with all the food, BUT his mother owns the trailer that we rent! I don't know how to let them know that this is unacceptable to me while still being respectful and not crossing any lines/boundaries

hahahmm · Answer

By having boundaries. 1. Clearly state these boundaries, 2. If someone crosses them it's non negotiable. But you are way past this and it wouldn't help anyhow:

1. He is disrespecting you to his mom & not protective of you. That gives her 100% green light to treat you like dirt. It doesn't matter how you act... no matter what this would be the situation based on his actions.

2. If he allows his mom into the home to do whatever she wants and he pays rent while you don't, there's nothing you can do about that. Unless she is affecting something you own like if you owned the tv. But see point #1. If he was protective & respectful she wouldn't be doing this stuff or would be doing way less.

3. Some guys are momma's boys. They will never be protective of their own woman. They don't have the backbone to stick up for you. I also suspect that he doesn't really pay rent like you think. She could be gifting him the trailer and they lie about it to you to make you think he's doing more and to make you feel like what you do isn't important.

3b. I just saw your age (40s). I'm guessing your boyfriend is at least 30s+ He's not going to get any better. It's like you just got a bad lottery ticket and you are asking us if you should put all of your money into buying more tickets. It's not a good idea.

If I'm you I would just move out and dump him. But don't dump him till you are either half way out the door or gone cause they could make your life more miserable if you give them advance warning.

Staximus · Answer

Move out

How does one stand up for themselves and still be respectful?

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