Why is it like women aren’t attracted to men or at least not as much as men are attracted to women?

[Intothevoid666]

I saw this tik took of a mtf transgender that was complaining about how hard dating as a guy is. He even said how dating women was easier when he was a woman and I swear that’s true. I swear finding a girlfriend when ur a woman takes less work and is easier to maintain than finding a girlfriend as a guy. But my question is why? Why is it like women just don’t like men or something?

[AmandaYVR]

The goals tend to be different.

Men have a stronger sex drive, and their biology is made to procreate, not be that selective, and have potentially various women carrying his genes. Whether he wants kids or not consciously, this is the generally held belief, that this drives much of men's behaviour.

Women's sex drives are generally lower, and they know that getting involved with, or saddled with the offspring of, the wrong guy could be detrimental; even dangerous. She has to be far more selective because of risk of pregnancy and physical violence etc.
Women have had far fewer options throughout history. They were excluded from decision-making that impacted anything more than the home and their social circle. They were out of government, executive positions, etc. Once the commingling happened, men and women felt more competitive with one another, all competing for the same resources. There are now slightly more females than males in the workforce (or, before covid, anyway), and though they earn less than their equally skilled and experienced male counterparts they are no longer entirely dependent on personal relationships with men to provide for them. So women have gotten picky. For every "80% of girls want the top 20% of guys" you can find the counterargument which is that so many guys are immature, want only hookups, are falling behind in higher education, seem emotionally stunted or lagging, haven't been taught life skills by their parents, and are content to live with the parents (partly due to economic hardship which is societal, but girls are leaving home whereas guys are not in the same numbers), stay at home playing video games, and don't want to put in the effort to actually date anymore. (To be fair, they don't want to have to pay for all those bad dates when the girl is also earning her own money too.) A girl may decide, for any one of these reasons, that she's just not interested, it's not worth her time to try anymore. Not all guys are like this, many are good guys and would make a better partner if given a chance, but maybe it's true girls are getting more shallow now, and do "want it all," including the good looking guy etc etc.

It used to be that girls wanted commitment and young guys lagged and were reluctant. The older they all got, the more they seemed to meet up eventually, ironing out these differing goals. I don't know if you're just after sex, but it's true, girls are not that motivated, not the way guys are. For the most part, girls are looking for the whole package in the guy, and if he doesn't seem to be that, they are bowing out. Plus, online dating has made attention spans and resolve to work through any differences almost obsolete. Add to that deteriorating social skills and communication, and people don't naturally meet they ways they used to. And covid kept people locked up. The world's gotten more dangerous, and understandably people more skeptical, more divided, more insulated and isolated. What was once seen as a potential fun new person is now looked on more with suspicion and mistrust.

[Intothevoid666]

U said how the mating process works in a wild setting but considering women claim to want long term monogamy why isn’t there a different approach? I just feel like women never want me as much as I want them and I don't know if I want a relationship ever cuz of it or at least not a serious monogamous long term one cuz I don't know I feel weird if I’m not liked as much as I like the other person.

[AmandaYVR]

"... in a wild setting but considering women claim to want long term monogamy why isn’t there a different approach?"? Not sure what you mean by this.

Not sure where to go with this. There is some truth in what you say. But also, it's quite pointless to fixate on this idea. It will make you feel sad and despondent, perhaps give up all together. Many men have.
Whether a person is male or female, finding someone who has, and keeps, equal feelings is always challenging. That's one of the difficulties of life. But yes, girls get approached way more often than guys do. Still the majority of females believe, "Girls should never chase. Period." They believe it undermines their market value. Eugh. Makes me want to throw up.
The girls don't seem to comprehend that if they are always chosen, they never get their choice. They accept or reject, but lose out on all the other possibilities out there, who may be more attractive to them, or better suited to them. Plus, I am hugely in favour of men feeling wanted, appreciated. That doesn't happen nearly enough. (I've written mytakes about these subjects.)
But regardless of who initiates, relationships are a two-way street (eventually.) They need to be reciprocal, or they don't exist, or endure. And though girls are more passive at the beginning, they do not fall in love any less, care any less. So if you can figure out the beginning, the future is unknown. Lots of women adore men. Just got to get over the initial reticence. (Which, I know, is a huge impediment.)

[Intothevoid666]

The point I’m trying to make is that human mating in the wild like as in hunter-gatherer times isn’t monogamous so if women want to act like how they would if we lived in that setting then they can’t expect monogamy. If women want the man to do all the effort chasing them and the man pays for more stuff and the man has the place they hang out at they can’t expect monogamy ya know? A monogamous relationship kinda requires the assumption that the dating market is equal. Or am I crazy

[AmandaYVR]

Uh... what?
They weren't really doing monogamy in the hunter-gatherer days.
Monogamy is a social construct which has generally just been followed in the most recent 100 years. And of course in some countries men still do not abide by it. They don't want their women to have multiple lovers; just them. Hypocrisy.
But many people do want it, not just females. In fact, many won't stand for anything less. Even people who aren't in the relationship will chastise a person who does stay, tolerates non-monogamy.
There's little point in talking about culture of the recent decades (say, 1950s, etc.) because things have changed and everyone knows it. Monogamy is not a reward for women. It's a choice many make.
Men basically do have to chase at the beginning (and I do not advocate for that remaining the same), but men don't "do all the effort" in general. That's also pretty presumptuous to say that the couple will hang out at his place. No, usually it's the other way around. Guys stay over at her place. Girl's places are generally more homey. Irrespective of who owns or rents.

[SiberFox]

Girls expect different things from women than they do from men. You have to be confident and outgoing as a guy.
Initiate, try, fail. Try again. On and on until one says yes and you keep going with her until it breaks or a relationship blossoms. It's not that they aren't interested.

[Intothevoid666]

If u have to try a million times to maybe find one that u probably won’t even like that much. What else does that mean other than women just aren’t that interested in dating men?

[SiberFox]

They aren't interested in you.

[Intothevoid666]

Actually most women find me super attractive.

[ShadezMcgee]

I would argue that it is because the definition of masculinity has been butchered by both women and men and if that person's masculinity doesn't match to the person's view in question it is either toxic masculinity or not masculine at all.

[Intothevoid666]

I’m not totally sure what ur saying tbh

[ShadezMcgee]

In simpler terms, masculinity is defined differently by every person, so with that in mind, how it is defined in the dictionary much less society, it will vary differently andnidnit does not match up to the individual's idea of masculinity it will be seem as either toxic or not masculine at all.

[Intothevoid666]

I think I understand now. Why do u think tho that women seem just less interested in dating and sex than men?

[ShadezMcgee]

They aren't less interested in sex @Intothevoid666. Women want sex as much as we do, the difference is the man who triggers her emotionally and makes a sexual connection through flirting amd escalation at the proper times.

It is a learned trait and it takes practice. @AmandaYVR gave great insight and a great opinion on this as well.

[AmandaYVR]

Thanks, Shadez.

[Ruenella_]

No one's attracted to me.

[Intothevoid666]

U say that yet if u go on tinder rn There will be 1000s of guys who’d gladly take u on a date or fuck u.

[Ruenella_]

I have been on dating apps before and gotten no matches.

[Intothevoid666]

It’s hilarious to me when women say stuff like this or stuff like guys never approach me yet I could approach like 10 random women get their number and try to set up a date and most likely all 10 of them will not want to

[Ruenella_]

Well then we're in the same boat.

[Intothevoid666]

Bro I've seen an experiment where they picked the ugliest girl they could find, made her even uglier with photoshop and she still got a good amount of matches some of them were really attractive men so I just don’t believe u tbh.

[Ruenella_]

You don't believe I've never had a guy come up and talk to me?

[Intothevoid666]

I don't know why ur hell bent on denial of basic reality rn but u r and I don’t think you’ll be able to answer my question cuz of it

[Ruenella_]

Maybe other girls get it, but not me.

[Intothevoid666]

I think that’s totally possible but I’m saying u could still easily find a date if u wanted. If u were to approach 10 random guys and get their number and try to set up a date maybe half would go on one with u. Where as if a guy approached 10 random women got their number and tried to set up a date he’d be lucky if 1/10 of those women wanted to.

[Intothevoid666]

Do u see my point. The level of interest that the sexes have towards dating and sex is not equal. Men are more interested in dating, sex, and relationships than women. And I’m wondering why that is