Girls, Why would a girl complain about my behavior to everyone but me?

[zyzbad]

A girl I know, who I've been seemingly on good terms with, got angry over something I said. I've told her many times literally things like "If I ever upset you, I don't mean to, let me know" & many things like that & she always told me she would.

She got angry at me over something I said, I hear from numerous others, men and women, she complained to them, furious, from what I understand, about my behavior, and, knowing me, as I'm not combative & my response is always to figure out what's wrong & try to clear things up, to the point every single person told her the most useful solution would be to talk to me, which I'm told infuriated her more.

After this, I tried to approach her, the moment I said her name she doesn't look at me, tells me to shut up & storms off... specifically, why go through all the effort of complaining to everyone but me about my behavior, while refusing to talk to me when I so much as approach her.

[SueShe]

It is much easier to vent with someone else rather than to seek confrontation with the person that was the cause of that event.

From the way you phrase your descriptive, it seems that you often talk without thinking first otherwise you would not have to justify yourself by saying "If I ever upset you, I don't mean to, let me know".

Why simply not say those things that can be misunderstood and you would not have that situation?

You have to learn to think before you talk because otherwise you create such situations and both are at a loss.

It is correct that she should talk with you first but if it happens over and over again, you must realize that she is getting really fed up and that she needs to vent with people that can understand her situation.

[zyzbad]

I do tend to be direct, but not in a generally inconsiderate way where I don't care how I affect others, but there's always exceptions. I usually tell this to people I get the sense are more emotionally sensitive & might take something the wrong way as a precaution.

Nearly everyone I've known for years I can recall having virtually no issues with, at worst nothing I couldn't fix w/ a conversation, where they tell me what's bothering them, I tell them what I'll do to respect that, and I get along great w/ nearly everyone.

This is why literally every person who came to me & told me she was furious told her the best solution would be to talk to me directly because everyone who knows me knows when they have an issue w/ me idc about being right, I just focus on what bothered them & figure out what I can do to respect their pov & fix the issue.

For example, a girl I still know, years ago, told me directly when something I said hurt her feelings, I gave her space, she realized this, came & tried to talk to me a couple days later & realizing I was still distant said "I'm not mad anymore", then I talked things out with her within minutes; she understands what I need, I her & I don't think we've had problems in years.

[Thatpearl26]

Since the situation is a bit vague as you didn’t say what you said that got her so offended then I’m just going to make some guesses.

1) that comment you made could have hurt her feelings or hit a sore spot

2) that comment was insensitive and she got offended

3) she knows that she’s in the wrong and doesn’t want to talk to you as she doesn’t want to be proven wrong

4) she’s just stubborn and won’t back down

5) she’s just not good at having deep meaningful conversations that fix problems, instead she just avoids them

[Rosexøxø]

Ew she’s immature.

I would try to reason with her somehow and maybe say something like you seemed not as genuine, but the “shut up” remark, ON TOP OF THE RUMORING COMPLAINTS…

ohhhh BUD-DY lol

I’d put her in her place, so she doesn’t treat you like a push-over.

Not everyone is going to like us or how we do things. You tried to be accommodating and she overstepped her boundaries. Not okay. 🙅‍♀️

She’s directly disrespecting you not just behind your back, but to your face. 🤨

Don’t stoop to her level 👐

BUT DEFINITELY see her for what she is doing right now. I personally wouldn’t accept it

OR

just ignore her altogether.

[Anonymous]

It is probably because you don't want to listen anyway.

[zyzbad]

Negative. I went up to her & tried to ask what's bothering her, because I was actively interested in understanding what was upsetting her, so I could talk the issue out. She is the one who never spoke to me about issues she had, vented (others used words like "bitched" and "ranted") to everyone but me, despite promising me previously if I ever upset her she'd talk to me, and refuses to any attempt to listen.

[WhitneySnow]

What did you say to her?