Fed up of never having a boyfriend yet why do we have to tell guys we like them first?

[Monalisa77]

Is flirting not making it obvious?

Updates

+1 y

I guess my main issue is, if i make it way too obvious and they ain't interested then iv epushed them too far away. How to building it slowly up is the key

[TsmGai]

Most women fake flirt though. On top of being vague, and the increased exposure of the MeToo movement, you're shooting yourself in the foot for being indirect. Most men are walking away from the dating scene because modern women are terrible partners and communicators. We might notice the signs but not act on them because the reception isn't guaranteed.

Also, grow up. If you like somebody, the least you could do is make it obvious. Most dudes would happily oblige, but you don't sound like you're interested in them. If you get rejected, then move on. Don't blame others for your short comings.

[Monalisa77]

I am but I'm very shy. I was told I made it so obvious the guys knew I liked them

[Monalisa77]

I think its v obvious I wouldn't fake flirt, I find it hard to even know what flirting is, and also my speech is pretty poor

[OlderAndWiser]

You can build up to it by saying "I love the time we spend together," "You're a great person in so many ways," "I always feel better just by being near you," and other such statements that reflect affection and attachment. And see how he responds.

[Monalisa77]

Yeah those are the things i forget and struggle with to express how i feel

[OlderAndWiser]

Your username got my attention. Are you familiar with the Mona Lisa Twins?

[Monalisa77]

Haha yeah but thats not why i used it

[OlderAndWiser]

I think those girls are the most underappreciated musical group in the world. How did you choose the name?

[Monalisa77]

I don't know, just something i chose when i needed an online name change when i was younger. It comes in handy to think of a fake name i just use mona lol

[dynamicyandere]

Some guys are really good at picking up on signals, most guys are not. So, you may need to make your signals more obvious.


Being able to read and send attraction signals is important for 2 people to be able to do if they want to be indirect. But it takes 2 to tango.

[dynamicyandere]

Also, if a guy DOES like you, it doesn’t mean he also wants to be your boyfriend. It could be a complicated situation, a timing thing, or he just likes you for different reasons.

[Monalisa77]

Is it more obvious to players?

[dynamicyandere]

Yeah, players (successful players) tend to know how to read women really well. They know when and what to do and say and have a good pulse on how a girl is feeling. That’s why they know how to play with hearts.

Not all men who can read women are players.

But all players that are successful at attracting women know how to read women.

[Monalisa77]

So even if someone comes across as a player, doesn't mean they necessarily are?

[dynamicyandere]

It depends on their style. But yeah, someone can be mistaken as a player. I’ve been mistaken for a player for example. But if you look at my track record, I’m always in long-term committed exclusive relationships. So, looking at other things and track record is important.

Players and non-players alike can try to pretend to be someone they’re not though. So it’s important to take your time to know someone. If they’re holding a facade, they can only hold it for so long before it becomes too mentally draining to pretend to be someone they’re not.

The more time you spend with them, the harder it is to keep the facade. And, the deeper you know them, the harder it is for them to lie.

Spending more time with someone, seeing how they are with other people, and really getting to know them is what will help you know if they’re for real or not.

[Monalisa77]

I do do my research before i really know if someone is boyfriend material. Facebook is very good for this even if theyre private, theyre not going to hide their true selves on there.

See you would say that re more time you spend, but it didn't work that way for my bro and his ex wife.. He knew her a v long time. But she turned out to Be a nutter out to ruin him

[dynamicyandere]

It’s HOW that time is spent as well. It needs to be time spent getting to know them better. For example, my mother hardly knows me because any “time” we’ve spent together was always her multitasking and not being present. She “knew” me all my life but doesn’t actually know me.

If he spent all that time getting to know how her heart and mind works, he’d probably catch onto something faster.

Unless she just simply is a master manipulator and really skilled at playing pretend.

[Monalisa77]

They had arguments when they married but like any married couple u prob hope they blow over

[dynamicyandere]

That’s one way (albeit indirect) to get to know someone too. How do they argue, what do they argue about, and how do they handle situations like taking responsibility, apologizing, negotiating, reassuring, etc. And the aftermath of the argument, how do they behave and have things been resolved or not. That can tell a lot about a person too if one pays enough attention.

[Monalisa77]

See it depends how long youve known someone.. I felt like i needed to know if he read my message of an apology for closure, but now im Just left wondering why he didn't respond at all. If hed just put a thumbs up like he does it at least wouldve been something and i wouldve known he accepted it but didn't want no Further contact

You can't force someone to behave in such manor for someone you haven't known for very long. I think i would only take their behaviour at best once i start spending time with them in a social setting

[jshm2]

You're either styled so bad they ain't interested, smelling so bad they're not risking anything. Or have such a poor personality, they don't want to date a mental health project.

[Monalisa77]

Wow so rude, why flirt or come near me in the first place then?

[Monalisa77]

I dont expect anyone to talk to me let alone flirt with me, i can usually tell after the first conversation people don't want to know, yet i end up falling for a guy because of the way he is with me. I would rather they just ignore me

[Monalisa77]

Your life must be so perfect that you have no issues and are just a plain jerk

[misogynistic_pig]

Flirting makes it obvious, if they don't reciprocate it is because those men are not interested in you.

[Monalisa77]

Some of them do

[Monalisa77]

Sometimes i would rather they just ignore me as it never ends well

[Anonymous]

Who said you have to? Remain single. You won't die, I promise.

Also I don't ask women out because when I ask women out my success rate is 0%. When they ask me out it's about 50%. Now if you're a logical person what would you do?😆

[Monalisa77]

My body is not actually developing properly. I dont feel like im a proper adult and can do adult things. When we book shows and stuff my mums like "thats for adults" i jave very little experience and my mind is full of imagination things id like to do, i dream about a happy evwr after (i know it doesn't happen for most people bit my sister has her loyal husband, her two kids and a dog, i dont want kids but still)

[Monalisa77]

Id never be able to go on a hen do for example with other girls, as id freak out. only ever went on my sisters one. there's just some things i can't do untill i experience anything with a guy and i dont just want hookups

[Opinion Owner]

Well life isn't a rom-com. If that's what you expect you're always going to be disappointed. The best thing you can do for yourself is be comfortable being yourself, being by yourself, and then if you meet someone at some point do your best to blend your lives. But if you're not good by yourself. I promise you being with someone INS'T going to be the answer to your problems.

[Monalisa77]

Well when i was around my crush, he helped me feel better, he helped me speak better (cos he looked directly at me) and i felt like i could have listened to him and learn from him.. I observed him because he was so confident in the way he speaks to people. I feel like having someone to give me that confidence, being happy around them would help me a lot. I just can't find ways to help myself when i have litte going for me. Plus a boyfriend would likely help me gain friends too

I know re romcoms, my parents marriage is awful and my two brothers split from their ex-wives. One ex wife turned into a nutter

[Monalisa77]

It would also get me away from my parents, who are the main source of my issues. I need other people in my life who can influence me

[Monalisa77]

I realize that might make me sound clingy but i can promise i wouldn't be.. I do have things going on that means i wouldn't need to be around them 24/7, i go to courses and im hoping to get a work placement soon, i go to the theatre a lot and travel to go to them. So I would have my own life too

[Pohjolan]

Flirting is not obvious, that's why its called flirting.

Otherwise it would be making a move.

Also some guys won't be interested in you by default regardless of your methods.

[Monalisa77]

there's some settings where you just can't make a move on someone, also i would rather the guy made the move on me. I think i would embarrass myself doing it to a guy and then they turn me down

[Pohjolan]

It's your choice.

[Monalisa77]

I just wouodve thought flirting was making some kind of move. Letting them know u find them attractive

[Pohjolan]

But I'm curious how you are flirting?
Do you stand out from those women who are just friendly?

[Monalisa77]

I think so yeah , my last crush i tried joking with him, smiling n talking to him a lot. It mustve grabbed his attention to flirt back with me. Sometimes if i feel them around me i try and show im thinking of them

[Pohjolan]

Thing is that women being just friendly do that too.
It falls in the grey area of flirting that can be mistaken for friendliness and vice versa.

[Monalisa77]

yeah thats why i use suggestions when im around him that im trying to flirt, i change my tone of voice etc

[Redstang88]

Mens and women’s definition of obvious are two extremely different things

[JPresidente]

Me are terrible are seeing the clues sometimes.

[In_Trance]

Clearly it doesn't make it obvious

[Monalisa77]

Maybe im Not very good, i dont know what else to do other than to change my tone of voice and smile

[In_Trance]

I can't say because I've never interacted with you

[moviedude714]

Women normally never do that

[LiamJHayden]

Some of us are oblivious.