If a girl says that you are a toxic man, any way to have her opinion change?

[BarryLiverstone]

Updates

+1 y

FYI this was said by someone I talk to on Gag. She’s a married woman so I’m not in a relationship with her.

[ettajeezy]

Sounds like YOU need to change. If she is calling you toxic and dishonest by your comments, then clearly your behaviour really puts her off. Even the way you phrased this question removes yourself from accountability in the situation, making it seem like how you make her feel (bad) is a feeling she needs to change rather than an observation about you and your treatment of her. All the men in the comments are going crazy saying ditch her when all she's doing is expressing her opinion about your behavior, which is completely fair. And if you yourself are admitting to being dishonest then you likely know there are behaviors you could change to make her feel more respected and safe with you. If she's calling you toxic 4 months in let this be a wakeup call about how you need to self evaluate if you want to keep her in your life and to have a fulfilling relationship.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are right, I am in need of a change. How can I improve and no longer be toxic?

[BarryLiverstone]

by the way she isn’t in a relationship with me

[ettajeezy]

Can I ask what you believe she is talking about, like what behavior you did? Are you talking to other girls and got caught, commenting negatively on her appearance, lying about what you're doing.. etc?

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes after talking to her I believe she feels anxious and jealous. Her comment came after mentioning a girl I am starting to date. What confused me however is that I am here living in Florida and I am still single. She lives in another state, she is married and we only talked on gag. She mentioned I was not being honest because I didn’t tell her details of my 2nd date with someone else (I didn’t feel it’s fair to the girl I took on the date to share many details).

[ManOnFire]

Okay so you're not in a relationship with her. Check. But this was said by someone you talk to on GaG and have (I'm assuming) never met in real life. Not that I'm saying that a GaG friend's thoughts are invalid - I always value the thoughts of the women I talk to on here, but what is this woman going by from you to say that you're a toxic man? Is she just disliking your opinions? Or is it because of things you say to her? Have you asked her why she even thinks you're toxic? I would try to find that out.

Once you do, you need to determine if you think she's really right about it, or just saying it to manipulate you. And also compare the situation to other women you may know or speak to on here or in real life: are they saying you're toxic? Have you gotten any other negative feedback from other women about how you are? I don't think jumping to conclusions from one woman on the Internet is quite enough judgment.

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks. This was the first time I had heard that I am toxic. So dev not something other people have said. The gag user blocked me so it’s probably for the best.

[brad2525]

She unblocked you and you blocked her and you promised you wouldn't do that to her.

[ManOnFire]

@BarryLiverstone Yeeeeeah. If she said you're toxic and then blocked you, that's like somebody who has mental issues.

[ManOnFire]

@brad2525 Maybe he did. But if she's going to be jumping to the block button and then unblocking people, that's not somebody I would want to waste my time on either. Those are some of the worst individuals on social media. She unblocked him and found that he gave her the same medicine she gave him. I can't say it's either right or wrong.

[brad2525]

Dosent matter he broke a promise.

[brad2525]

@BarryLiverstone you know her best to know all this stuff. Dont you?

[brad2525]

@ManOnFire I've dealt with this stuff with an ex. Believe me I've played this game. Until she found someone else.

[ManOnFire]

@brad2525 So since that happened to you, and you acknowledge that it was a game, don't you think in the end that you're better off without her? She found someone else, but she'll just do the same thing to them too.

[brad2525]

@ManOnFire not all women are the same. If anything could be insecure feelings, anxiety and stuff that men dont know about. I'm just saying he should at least try again to talk to her.

[ManOnFire]

@brad2525 Nah, I don't think so. You should never beg to be back into someone's good graces, especially if you already tried to make it right, and especially not with a woman who wants to throw stuff at you like saying you're toxic and then blocking you. I've been through that stuff in the past and it's just garbage situations that aren't worth all that begging and pleading.

Blaming it on insecurity and anxiety or feelings men aren't hip to, just gives women like that excuses to act shitty. Plus: there could be another guy out there who could do or say the exact same thing @BarryLiverstone did but she wouldn't call him toxic or block him. Some of these women will pick and choose who they will treat like that. You have to remember that too.

[brad2525]

There's not helping you then. You've honestly make up every excuse in the book. Must be why you never had a woman.

[brad2525]

@BarryLiverstone why dont you be a man and unblock her then.

[ManOnFire]

@brad2525 My experience with women is why I say this. Yet you admit you lost a woman because you didn't do the things you're trying to tell me to do.

[abc3643]

Why bother?

If she thinks you are toxic, what this really says is that she's easily susceptible to liberal horseshit. And I am a liberal saying this.

Using the latest in-trend pop-psychological terms is illustrative of a flighty person who doesn't think things through very much. Thus, you don't want her being the mother of your children and she should be avoided.

[BarryLiverstone]

She’s not the mother of my children anyway. I bothered as we have talked for 4 months so she’s not a stranger. So you think I should avoid her?

[abc3643]

I think you should avoid and weak-minded persons.
People who are trend-thinkers are such persons.

[abc3643]

*any

[Bethany22]

Ask her what she means by toxic, and make sure you don't do those specific things for a while when you're around her until she thinks you've changed. She'll appreciate and admire you for attempting to change, as a true toxic person is too full of themselves to think they're the ones that need to change. She probably wouldn't have expected you to improve so suddenly, so it will really take her by surprise.

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks. I talked to her and she meant dishonest, not toxic

[RavVid]

Why bother? I'd think she was a toxic girl and would lose any interest.

[BarryLiverstone]

Bother as we had talked for 4 months and this was the first time she said that

[RavVid]

That would hurt - sorry that happened to you. I would still take it that she was toxic. People tend to view others in their own terms I find. A liar/cheat feels a need to tell others they are honest but it doesn't occur to an honest person they need to do so. If you get what I mean.

For example, a contracting agency changed ownership and the new owner took pains to tell me how upright he was. And yes I had difficulty getting my money out of him.

[AmyHew1tt]

Ask her to explain why she has that opinion. What about you makes her think you're toxic? But if she's not willing to even discuss it, or makes up random stuff, I don't think she's worth the change of opinion.

[Anonymous]

Yeah you can change but forget her. She didn't have the decency herself to tell you it in a respectful way. She is literally a hypocrite.

[BarryLiverstone]

I have blocked her before but she worked to get me back.

[Brandi555]

Maybe she doesn’t trust you. You need to prove yourself to her.

[BarryLiverstone]

How can I prove myself?

[OfMiceandMen]

Why would you want to change her mind. The fact she would say something to you (if undeserved) is pretty nasty.

I think I would chalk it up to her not knowing who I am and moving on.

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty revealing how the different genders thinking does differ. Every woman said discuss it with her, while every guy pretty much said "fuck her! move on".

[BarryLiverstone]

Men and women are different indeed. Seems like the guys are focused on a solution while the girls want to communicate and work on the relationship

[Opinion Owner]

From what I have read, you have discussed it with her. I think that is ALWAYS a good thing.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes I talked about it with her.

[amandac12]

Just tell her your not a toxic man if you believe your not. Talk to her to make her understand your a good guy. And that your trusting. That she can feel safe with you.

[rienna888]

Ask her why she thinks ur toxic

[BarryLiverstone]

She said it’s because I talk to her and I’m off inside another girl. Which is odd as I haven’t even kissed to person I am dating and the girl who said I’m toxic is married

[rienna888]

Hmm, you may have said something that offended her or not to her liking

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes. I will admit that she didn’t like me failing to tell her all the details and she didn’t like it. She said :

“Cause you didn't say anything about a second date with this stupid bimbo!”

[BarryLiverstone]

However I don’t feel like it’s dishonest to withhold some details in my personal life. I did let her know I had a 2nd date but I want to be a gentleman and not share everything I did on a date.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Why care? Boohoo. Screw their opinion. They're a rando.

[Anonymous]

Stop with the toxic behavior

[BarryLiverstone]

Turns out I wasn’t toxic at all. She said she has anxiety

[Opinion Owner]

See! I've seen a lot of your stuff on here, you seem like a decent person, just roll with things, huh, and it'll all work out

[BarryLiverstone]

Ty, I’m grateful for that encouragement

[BarryLiverstone]

Seen your stuff as well :)

[Opinion Owner]

Im. just a bizarre little imp who likes to be nice to the nice people and stir the pot with the haters

[Anonymous]

If anyone has anymore questions you should be asking akam93.

[genericname85]

lol why give a shit about her opinion dude?

[BarryLiverstone]

I’ve known her since last year

[genericname85]

oh. carefull not to fall into the sunk cost fallacy. just cause you spent a lot of time with a person doesn't mean they are worth spending more time with. if she calls you a toxic man, i think it's worth thinking about why you really want to keep in touch with her.

do you mind sharing why she calls you toxic by the way? or what about you?

[BarryLiverstone]

I’ve talked to her on gag since December. Tried to help her in her marriage. Today she accused me of not being honest with her as I’m dating someone here in Florida and then I asked when I lied. She said I didn’t say the full truth (no I’m not going to share all the details of someone else as I’m trying to be a gentleman) and then said I’m toxic.

Does that make sense?

[genericname85]

was it about her assuming that you're single and not seeing someone when actually you did see someone?

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope. Cuz she knows I went on two dates.

[genericname85]

i realy wanna repect your and her privacy but i also need to understand xD like can you explain what exactly is supposed to make you a toxic person according to her while still keeping your privacy?

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks I also wanna be respectful.

[genericname85]

ok maybe without going into the details. do you think what you did wasn't toxic and her saying you're toxic comes from a missunderstanding on her part?

[BarryLiverstone]

No. in my opinion i wonder if she’s feeling emotional and used the toxic comment as an insult

[genericname85]

i mean the more i learn from what you're saying, the it seems to me that this person has poor emotional self regulation and lacking conversational skills... not exactly someone i'd deem worthy of talking to.

sorry if i'm not directly just answering your question by the way. i just think that making sure "it's worth the effort" should go before actually making the effort.

[genericname85]

the more it seems*

[BarryLiverstone]

Thanks man. She just said she didn’t actually mean toxic, meant dishonest. Guess she is expecting me to share more details of my life than I did

[genericname85]

ok. so did she say sorry? because i think calling someone toxic is worse than calling thm dishonest. i think you should demand an appology for that.

also it is absolutely your right to choose the amount of detail you want to share with her and her demanding you to share more than you're comfortable with is straight up an attemt to infringine or encroach on your privacy. and to make it even worse, she then calls you toxic or dishonest for appealing to your privacy right... that's gaslighting my dude. she's obviously trying to gaslight you...

now let's give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she does this unintentionally. that's still pretty damn horrible and i highly suggest that you stand your ground in this matter and show her that she's violating your boundaries and that she needs to respect these boundaries if she wants you to keep talking to her.

[BarryLiverstone]

Nope she didn’t apologize

[genericname85]

well it helps to take a step back and view it as if she's treating someone else like that? i'd demand an appology and stand my ground on the fact that your privacy is not her business and that she doesn't get to call you out on "keeping your privacy private".