I met this girl, because she is a fan of my music. I am an up-and-coming artist, and have a lot of followers. I met this one woman, about 20 years older than me, I am 30 years old. At first, I thought it was strange, but when my dog passed away, she sent me a beautiful bouquet to my office, as so, did many other people, and I felt it was really kind of her. Especially considering the bouquet she sent was so expensive! We got to talking through social media, and she seemed like a really positive person to have in my life. I didn’t divulge too much of my personal information to her because, at the end of the day, I don’t really know her. But over a couple months, we got to know each other really well. I started to feel more comfortable, And she started sharing things with me too. All the sudden things shifted, and every day she would talk about herself for about two hours - three hours on the phone. To a point I could walk away and she wouldn’t notice. She is an at home, nurse aid, and lives with this old lady, so has a lot of time to sit on the phone. She will only talk about her herself, and if I try to bring myself up, she literally will listen for maybe five minutes and then bring the story back to her. Tonight I emailed her, or messaged, whatever you prefer, Something positive about my life! Lately, I’ve been battling depression after my dog passed away from a dog mauling. I told her it was the first day I’ve blow dried my hair in months. She decided to, say oh, I am happy for you, but I’m having a really bad day at work so it’s kind of sad. She constantly does this all the time. Only talks about herself it’s exhausting, any advice?
Is my friend toxic and negative need advice?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
That does not sound like a very positive friend to have. A friendship is supposed to go both ways, not just be her talking about herself all the time. You should be able to confide in a good friend too when you need it.
I'd be really careful hanging out with this girl too much. Some red flags that she's only 30 years older than you and seems to want to take over the friendship. Plus making everything about her problems even when you're trying to share something good in your life - that's selfish and not cool.
My advice would be to take a big step back from talking to her so much. Only hit her up when you want to, not whenever she calls. And if she starts monopolizing the conversation again about herself, be straightforward and say you need a friend to listen to you too sometimes.
If she doesn't change and respect your feelings more, I'd just stop answering her calls. You don't need that negative energy bringing you down, especially when you're already feeling depressed. Surround yourself with real friends who have your back, not users. Hope this helps bro - know your worth!
I find normal people usually are not desperate for friends because attracting companions comes easily due to the social durability of their behaviour and kindness towards others. I would tell her once or twice, you feel your relationship with her is unbalanced. Maybe a third time if she does not get it. If she does not change, end the friendship, but explain your reasons to her.
It does sound quite toxic honestly. However if she’s a at-home nurse, i understand that might be quite lonely, she might enjoy having someone who listens and takes interest in her life.
That being said, any type of relationship should be fifty/fifty, and if you’re not getting anything out of the friendship and are unable to express anything about yourself, raise this issue with her (if you feel close enough to do so). type it in a text or an email. If nothing comes from this or nothing changes then don’t feel guilty to cut it off. It’s your life and you don’t owe anything to anyone who pays little to no interest in your thoughts and feelings.