How can we both heal?

[Anonymous]

My past relationships have really left a scar on my current behavior and I can be a bit toxic sometimes. I find it hard to trust people. My boyfriend currently has done nothing for me to think in any way like this but all these negative feelings r just being rubbed off my my old problem

A few months into dating he decided to break up with me because I was always causing an argument. So I told him that I will work on myself and I'll prove him otherwise. and I have been and I know I have but I found it hard since I didn't have many people to turn to. I used to be in his friend group and I would talk to this guy mainly so I can keep in touch with my ex at the time but one day he said he wanted a full break up and I was devastated. I decided to go to his place because I didn't wanna go home and I drank and I felt so hopeless. I can't even remember specific details but ik something bad happen. He did something to be I feel I couldn't have stopped and my boyfriend knows this and everything. I do not have any feelings for this other guy and when my boyfriend found out he felt horrible like how a normal person would feel like. eventually he decided to get back with me and I've been working on a lot of stuff on myself.

it's been a few months since what happen and I went for vacation to see my family in my home country and yesterday he brought up that he thinks about it everyday and that he doenst know what to do anymore. I feel like I did everything to make myself a better person but I can't figure out how to fix this particular issue it seems so hard

he said even if he tried it hard and I try too I just need advice on how to fix it. I don't want to break up with him and he doesn't either and I love him lot. so don't come here telling me to break up with him cause we both really don't want to. if I didn't love him I feel I wouldn't have gone through all this pain for the past few months. I wouldn't lie online

[JeffersonA]

For now just have space! Enjoy yourself be with friends don't push to hard let yourself heal!

Forcing trust never works it is earned by poeple you come to know.

It will just hurt you more forcing it for your ex.

[Asker]

I'm not sure if I phrased it well but after this we started to date. so we are currently together but what bothers him is the thought of what happen. and I wanna help him feel better

[JeffersonA]

Try talking with him and getting professional help together. It sounds traumatic but in time you both will heal.
Don't force healing for either of you in time it will come.

[Asker]

I suggested it but I don't know I might try to bring it up cause I'm currently on vacation in my country so when I'm back.. just scared for the time being

[JeffersonA]

Maybe give him a surprise call and just talk.
Maybe use your sister phone to say hi see how he reacts!

[Asker]

oh no we talk every day it's just yesterday he told me he wasn't feeling well at all and that it almost led to a break up kinda but at the end we talked it out. I just need to prevent it again

[JeffersonA]

Wait how is his being sick leading to a break up?

[Asker]

not feeling well. In a sense that he was overthinking over what happened and it was more intense then usual I guess? also could be cause I am away it's been a week I've been out of the country

[JeffersonA]

Maybe or he just can't get over things and let them go!
If he keeps doing that it won't be healthy and it will end the relationship

[In_Trance]

Stop carrying old baggage into new experiences. Seek therapy