Did we grow apart or do we have a healthy bond? Why do I feel like I am missing something? Could it be missing something in me?

[Jayde21]

So were young back then and weren’t focused on each other but one day he came at us because our parents are friends, we looked at each other and something was different. There was chemistry.

He texted me and we confessed we liked each other. I never laughed with someone so hard as with him. We had a lot of same interests and styles and i felt like we were soulmates. But we went too fast and i was hurt deeply and had wounds i needed to heal and he couldnt give me what i needed at that time cuz it wasn't his responsibility to heal me. It was mine. And he wasn't ready for a relationship. So we both decided to stay friends, but that hurt us so then we decided to stop the contact and work on ourselves for a while.

I didn't spoke to him for like a half year and now he texted me and asked how i was and wanted to have contact again. I knew then when we talked we were both changed a lot. But i was happy when i talked to him. And i still am. Just something is missing. And i dont know what. The time we werent with each other made us learn a lot and we worked both really hard and we are both at a really good place right now. And he even said jokes like well thats good then we are a good match and stuff. So i think he wants to try again he also confessed he missed me and was thinking of me a lot. And i did too of him.

I only talk to him for like not long but i feel something is missing. Could it be we both growed up and this is feeling like we are going in that stage of that love is not a feeling but a choice stage? Or is it that we both kind of growed apart? I mean yes we are adults and we do walk our own way? Or is it that because i have had only bad relationships and this one is with peace and that just feels weird cuz i haven’t experienced it? Like a healthy bond? Could it be that we left our childisch love stage behind and are more serious?
We were always joking in the past but now we also respect each others lifes and do also our own thing and just enjoy talking?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, I feel you on feeling a bit off about getting back in touch after some time apart. Change is natural as people grow up, so it makes sense there'd be an adjustment. A few thoughts:

It's cool you realized y'all moved too fast before and needed solo time. Growth like that shows maturity. Maybe now the chemistry feels different just cuz you're not the same kids.

A healthy bond is built on things like trust, respect and communication more than intense feelings. Could be that peaceful vibe feels strange after past turbulent relationships.

Joking around and being serious don't have to be mutually exclusive with the right person. Laughter bonds people long-term too.

If you dig catching up and want to see where things go gently, I'd say give it time. Feelings may come back stronger or change form, but as long as you're both communicating well that's a good sign.

Don't force it if it ain't feeling right yet. But also don't bail too quick if it's new territory. You got history - worth seeing if you mesh as adults too. Just follow your heart, trust your gut and it'll work out how it's meant to.

[Jayde21]

Could it be that he wanted me as a friend? He makes jokes like being the perfect match and stuff but now he said “yooo” instead of “hey”. But on the other side if that would be then why woulf he miss me and come back after a half year?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a good question. It's possible he sees you more as a friend now, but it's hard to say for sure. A few things that make me think there could still be some interest on his part:

- He initiated contact again after 6 months of no contact. Guys don't usually do that just for friendship.

- He directly told you he missed you and was thinking about you a lot during that time. Friends don't usually admit missing each other like that.

- The "perfect match" jokes could be his way of hinting he still sees potential, even if he plays it off casually.

- Texting "yooo" instead of "hey" might just be his way of keeping it lighthearted now rather than coming on too strong.

I'd say give it some more time and see how things progress naturally. Keep your chats fun and flirty, see if he responds positively. Ask him casual questions about dating to gauge how he feels. His actions over repeated interactions will tell you more. It's possible he likes you as more than a friend deep down but is taking it slow. Only one way to find out for sure - keep the communication open!

[Jayde21]

Yes, thank you. We communicated but he told me he still doesn't want a relationship and came to just ask me if i am fine. And these jokes were just the way he talked…he didn't meant to give me hopes he didn't meant anything with it. Now he left again…im kind of hurt honestly like i don’t understand

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that really sucks. I can understand why you'd be hurt by this. It doesn't seem fair of him to reach out after so long, get your hopes up a bit with the joking around, and then say he doesn't want anything and bail again. That's messing with your feelings.

If he really just wanted to check on you as a friend, he could have made that clear from the start instead of leaving you confused. Leaving again so soon after reconnecting is also kind of lame. Makes it seem like he just wanted to boost his own ego or something without considering your side.

My advice would be to take a step back from him for now. You don't need that kind of hot and cold mixed signals crap in your life. Focus on YOU and doing things that make YOU happy. Hit him up only if you want, but don't expect or wait around for anything more from him at this point. Your feelings matter too, so protect your heart.

Who knows, maybe some space will give him perspective or make him realize what he's missing out on. But for now you just do you and let him figure his own stuff out. You deserve better than being someone's backup plan or confused rebound. Hang in there - his loss!

[Kabluie]

I had a friendship that started out like that, we started out talking, ended up meeting and having sex, but we always remained friends like there was this spark. We'd go out together, and sometimes clubbing where we may end up our separate ways or other beds at the end of the night but the connection was always there in some way and during her first year in college it was more of not being locked down. We both had other relationships so we kind of drifted apart but always had the number and could do whatever we wanted.

We got along because of the non-monogamous connection, it was like we never spoke of it but we always respected whatever relationship we had and met up sometimes for sex. After we both graduated and into a career, we got to meetup a lot more. Then it was like you know we could just go all the way. Every relationship can define itself over time and that's the way I like to live, if we want more we can manage, if we need to de-escalate we can do that too, and that's kind of our story.

[andre-48]

It sounds to me like you've grown up and moved on. Sometimes when you like someone and turns out it won't work. You go into a defence mode that stops you getting hurt again. I think you've just moved on and feelings have changed, so you don't get hurt again