I feel like the sneak peak of us living together has been kind of disappointing is it normal that I feel this way?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if I’m just being stupid but I was so excited for this I even quit my job so that I could spend longer days with him since we only have this week to be alone together at my house (my parents are at a different country). So this was our first time sleeping together and not having to say good bye. And I feel disappointed because now he leaves me sleeping alone and goes to the other room because he says that he can’t sleep due to the dog licking himself all night long, he’s not as affectionate as I thought he was going to be I keep on asking him to come closer or to cuddle me. And it kinda ruins it that now I have to constantly worry about my dog making noise I keep on trying to get my dog to just sleep on the ground so that he doesn’t lick his paws as loudly but he doesn’t stop growling at me and eventually wakes my boyfriend up and because of this he keeps on leaving me alone to sleep in the other room. And I just feel kind of bad. Like damn my dog messed up our last 3-4 nights together :(. I still love my dog. Last night I even gave my dog an allergy pill to make him drowsy and leave us alone but he was actually even more annoying. We have tried everything like putting him in the cage to let him sleep but he just continues to bark loudly. He hasn’t made me breakfast either but I did make him breakfast not sure if I should expect him to do that he did buy me pizza though twice.

[quaranta]

The fact he wakes up because of the dog is something where nobody can be accused of.
As a result, you mistreated your dog with a random pill (was that at least an allergy pill for dogs or for humans? Don't answer, your coscience does), and closed him in a cage, where of course will bark because he wouldn't understand what the hell is going on and will feel rejected and distanced for no reason (from his point of view). He barks to call you to solve this cage situation, of course.
I think you shuold have talked with your boyfriend earlier about the limitations of your place so that you both knew what to expect. Here it's not much the dog itself the problem but the fact you both had better expectations than the reality.
Now you know the limitations of this place and that next time what you can expect is that you would sleep in 2 different rooms as a solution. Or you go at his place, or you arrange it for when the dog is elsewhere (with your parents for a trip etc), or you go to vacations together.
You boyfriend won't get used to the dog easily, to do that he should live there for a while until that noise becomes the norm (like it is for you) and it takes for sure more than one week. But that is at the cost of having a very bad sleep for a period of time.

Now, bad sleep makes people more nervous but is he actually not being nice with you because he projects the responsibility of this on you? As if you must do something about that, not noticing it's not possible? Is he doing some kind of revenge, is he mad at you? If you feel in any way indirectly accused then that's not a good symptom of how he is in general, anyway, and that might be the core of the problem.
Why not being nice for the rest of the day, if he is able to understand the situation? Beware of not carrying responsibilities that can't be yours. You both discovered how the things are there, and should be propositive to imagine a next meeting in a different circumstance and enjoy the enjoyable for the moment.
The only responsibility you had was to warn him about the dog sleeping on the bed, and his responsibility to ask about how the circumstances are there. Just to expect the right things...

[Asker]

I never abuse my dog the allergy pill has been proven safe and my parents always give him it because my dog gets anxious when he gets haircuts. I only tried to get him to sleep inside his cage but I never lock him there the whole day I would never do that. My dog is my baby I always sleep with him and give him lots of hugs and kisses and I rarely get mad at him even though he barely lets me sleep at times. About accusing me every night that he wakes up to go to my room because the dog is being annoying he says that I spoil him and that’s why he is the way that he is. I really tried I kept on telling him to sleep on the carpet then I moved him to the bathroom that’s right next to us, then the cage, then my room but he barked every time that’s why I tried to do the one single allergy pill thing inside cheese but that didn’t work either I really tried.

[Asker]

Last night he said this is bullshit this is what happens when you entitle a dog and he left to my room. I had begged him to stay with me because this is our only week but he said that he needs to sleep which I understand. I don’t know what to expect should I expect him to make me breakfast?

[Asker]

I’m a bit disappointed and didn’t expect things to be that way. And about the mistreating my dog that was really a reach because my dog is everything to me and I give him so much love to the point where my boyfriend calls me out for it

[Asker]

He actually took care of my dog last year and had him sleeping on the floor but with me here my dog refuses to sleep on the floor

[quaranta]

So I think the problem is that he is accusing you of the situation. You "spoil" him? You "entitled" the dog? You didn't decide any of those, you happened to have a dog and he happened to have a very light sleep. The fact he makes it sound like if it's your fault is probably the main problem of all this story, to be honest...

[Asker]

Today he woke up gave me a kiss and didn’t really talk to me. I told him how the wind was very strong last night and he shrugged and kept using his computer. Didn’t interact with me much. I feel like he’s being cold and I feel like I deserve for him to treat me better. Last night I had a headache he should at least ask me if I feel better.

[Asker]

Overall feeling a bit sad

[quaranta]

Yeah this treatment is not justified, he behaves like if you should be guilty for something but that doesn't make sense: HE is ALSO ruining the experience, not just the dog, you are already trying to do your part the most you can.

[Asker]

He decided to leave earlier today. I feel kind if torn I’ve been crying firstly because I was getting blamed for something even though I tried secondly because I’m so disappointed I separated myself from him and I’m just in my room.

[Asker]

This was our first time alone together I was so excited for this but this has been so disappointing

[Asker]

Shit I even quit my job to try to enjoy this week with him to the max 😭

[Asker]

I told him I had cramps (I had taken plan B) he hasn’t even checked up on me later he just asked me if I wanted a cough drop. I told him that I haven’t eaten anything he didn’t even try to make me anything he just said “I ate a sandwich” . He made me breakfast none of these days. I also bought us drinks for tonight and then he decides to leave early.

[Asker]

I’m just sad alone in my room trying to process things upset but afraid of saying anything even feeling like I don’t want to be with him anymore or live anymore because im just tired of feeling sad

[Asker]

He won’t even go to a movie that I've been wanting to see because it’s going to be too crowded he makes no plans for us like any date plans he doesn’t do that

[quaranta]

All this sounds like the problem goes way beyond the dog licking his paws... That ends up being just the excuse for him to express it, but the root is elsewhere because yeah, one can have a shitty sleep but that doesn't mean you don't work out the situation with your partner and that you don't understand it's not their fault, and that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the rest of the time, thinking about the next meeting in a more prepared circumstance, like a vacation etc.
It makes me think he had enough of you already before this trip, or that he is just EXTREMELY triggerable and ready to put faults on you for every discomfort he gets which is not realistic and rather immature.
You have to have a talk about the relationship itself more than the presence of the dog, definitely... Sleeping in another room because of noises for some days has never been a "dealbreaker", come on...

[Asker]

He apologized to me we’re okay now and I told him that him not being attentive might cause us more problems in the future

[SnowedIn]

There's so much here to unpack and think about and talk about.

Yes, it is absolutely normal you feel that way. Living with someone is light years and universes different than the exquisite joy of spending a day together or amazing sex and then going back to each others' living places. This is one of the huge reasons relationships or marriages crumble: the two parties find they can't live together or that the reality of living together is so starkly different than they imagined.

The first biggest thing you need to decide is about the dog. Zero judgement from me. Based on what you wrote and your responses to other posters, the dog is really, really important to you and the dog and your boyfriend are not compatible. That's not a bad or a good thing, it just is what it is. Very bluntly, it sounds as though you need to find a boyfriend who is as compatible with and close to the dog as you are, or recognize that serious changes in the dog's lifestyle need to happen.

As for the rest of it, learning to live with someone is a detailed, lengthy, involved process. You have to decide what's important and what's not. It's all the little stuff like picking up socks and dirty dishes and, yes, cuddling. Speaking from me personally, cuddling is great on a winter's day on the couch with a fire and coffee, or for a time after sex. But when it is time to sleep, my wife and I would rather die than cuddle. Again, whatever works for you personally is neither good nor bad -- it's you. But you and he might have completely different views of all this. And you have to communicate through all of it.

The bottom line from all of this is that you have to decide what's important to you and what isn't and what's worth compromising on and what isn't. One of the answers is that this may not be the boyfriend for you.

[Asker]

He’s technically my mom’s dog so when I move out I can’t take him

[SnowedIn]

That may be the answer then! :)
Best wishes with all this. Living together is hard. Even after 23 years of marriage there are still things that confound us about each other.

[Asker]

I feel like this man isn’t thoughtful at all I told him I had I had a close now you could even ask me how I was and I expect him to at least make breakfast for me one of these days but he didn’t do that either I also told him about wanting to watch a movie and he said no because it would be too crowded even though he knows I really want to watch this movie

[Asker]

I meant that he hasn’t even asked me if i felt better because of my headache, he hasn’t really talked much to me this morning either. He’s also preparing breakfast for himself but hasn’t even asked me if I wanted breakfast or anything

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO!

[RealMarek]

You have a choice to make. Train the dog to sleep in a different room (it’s going to suck, there will be several sleepless nights until it gives up), or demonstrate by your actions that your dog is a higher priority than your boyfriend.

[Guy13]

YOu have a dog in bed?

[Asker]

He is my baby

[Asker]

That’s not the point though 😭

[Guy13]

I would not get in the bed with you. I would get OUT as soon as the deed is done... dog ass juice everywhere. I have spent 3 months getting to know someone, finally allowed myself to visit their residence, dog sitting on the furniture, and I was out.