Have you ever had a friend be secretly offended/hurt by a comment you meant as a joke?

[Anonymous]

In this situation now. I made what I thought to be an innocent comment on a hat they were wearing. Someone else shared with me that they felt offended by what I said, like I was trying to make fun of them or be rude. This was not my intention at all and now I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

[Juneberry91]

Yes, everyone has a different perspective & way of doing things. I made a joke in a Exercise class & everyone laughed…including my friend who later revealed she was angry with me. 2 weeks later strolled into class & had no idea but I notice she has a strange passive vibe about her. I was going to check in with her after workout privately.

But she erupted Inappropriately im the middle of class that caught me off gaurd. She ripped into me then fell quite I spoke.

” This is Inappropriate the way your anger was expressed & looks like you placed your upset in a pressure cooker over 2 weeks im not ok with this. If you don’t like the humor just pull me aside & tell me you don’t find it funny, it’s that simple. My joke was not to intentionally hurt anybody that clearly you angered by it. So I’m sorry you did not find the joke funny and I will simply not use that kind of humor around you but you need to let people know what’s up so they can understand you better.”

She then acted out of guilt & shame. It is not my intention to bring shame and guilt upon her but I then realized she had a trigger. It turned out she was abused by a relationship & this man would tear her down with his words then when she try to speak he would make her feel crazy for doing so.

I realized she was projecting his aggression on to my assertive personality. It helps to understand where a person is comming from because thier reaction can be from a trama. She bottle up her emotions & kept scientists then acted with shame when I shared my thoughts on what would be more of a healthy way to express & approach this. He was Anticipating I would behave like her abusive ex. She revealed that he was very sarcastic with her but it was actually a passive aggressive attack on her. My Sarcasm triggered her. I don’t use sarcasm around her now that I know how Traumatized she was by it.

[jennifer_bloom]

There were a few times where I purposely said stupid things as a joke and people thought I was serious and were afraid to laugh cause if they laughed, they thought they'd be laughing at me. I had to explain to them I was not serious before they felt comfortable laughing.

[Novacane]

I think that used to happen a couple of times, But most of the time no, just because I do have the kind of friends that will have a comeback ready and will make a joke on you so everyone knew no one was safe. We would also make sure to never cross the line with the things you say. I think it's normal, sometimes everyone's comfort with jokes is not the same as it happens. I would just apologize reassure them that it was only a joke and take note that maybe next time be cautious of those kinds of jokes.

[molonski2]

Oh yeah , many times , I've said something that was taken the wrong way , not taken as humour , which was how it was meant.

[Labokachulaa]

Yes and it was just super weird afterwards because she's so sensitive and offended by EVERYTHING.

[sheenagwapa]

it's a joke but it's acompliment not bashinh... i just thought he was average economic statue because his insta posts are just ordinary. for you to be so simple and yoy are so rich danf thay's a compliment. i just don't see anything wronh if i mistaken someone to be a erage but the truth is he is rich. nothinh is wronh with beinh average income on the first place. if you live dimply despite your wealth then it means you are humble.

[SnowedIn]

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Oh my goodness so easy for them to get offended.

[RockyHammock]

I think at one point everyone goes through this. You recognized that you over stepped a boundary and that's good. Give it a few days and apologize

[SunnyRS]

Yes of course it has happened and the biggest problem is that many a times they won't even tell what hurt them but start acting differently.

[LiamJHayden]

Not that I know of. My friends are pretty thick skinned.

[Gabriel-Chicanito]

A Ivory, never forgave Me, too for that ( I thought u wz gay)

[Freyke]

Yh well they suck at keeping that a secret.

[In_Trance]

how would you know if it's a secret?

[Backwood1988]

Yes but it was not my fault

[Gentleman0]

Yes it was