How can I stop being insecure and appreciate myself?

Question

I am a very insecure person,  I don't want to be and I don't think anyone would. Every single day I worry about how I look. I can't even enjoy myself around friends because the only thing I worry about is how they interpret me or how I look like to them. My best friend is aware of my overthinking and self-consciousness and she comes up with very rational reasons for things I might over-think about which helps me. She reassures me that I don't look bad at all and so on. Even though what she says helps I can't really get rid of that feeling. So, I have a bunch of family problems and it has been going on my whole life to the point where I am used to it. I think a lot of my insecurities come from there. Family is quite permanent so I can't fix that on my own, therefore I look for other things I can change in my life that I think would help me. I now look for validation in other people because I think I'll be more appreciated if I look good. It is not only about looks but really about the whole feeling knowing there is someone who likes me and enjoys being with me. I don't think ALL my insecurities come from family problems, but I think it started there. A lot of other things throughout my life has probably also impacted it and I don't even realize it myself. I haven't had a great experience with guy at most times. I was used by a friend for a make out session and I was later rejected by my crush of 1 year. I was never hysterically sad about those things, but I think it took a turn for my mentally then, because I have started to worry so much about how people thought of me. I feel the need to improve for others and I can't enjoy myself anymore. I just know I would worry less about others validation if I was satisfied with life at home. I just really want to get over it and I know it isn't easy, but it is killing me at this point. I get attached so easily and I go for people who aren't good for me even though I expect disappointment. I wanna be happy with myself.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

In your question you have answered yourself over and over the first thing is you have acknowledged it once you acknowledge it then you have to do something about it so Click on your question and read it as if I asked the question what would you tell me I want to hear your input your advice that you would give me since you have been through this In many families there's always one person that this has happened to and there is always somebody that takes it way too far and it seems to stick with that person all their life and if you allow that to happen it's going to change your life you're never going to be happy with yourself and that's not right  I want you to go look into the mirror stand there and look at yourself I want you to tell yourself and I mean you have to be 100% honest tell yourself everything you like about yourself everything you love about yourself if there's something you don't like you tell yourself that you will work on it but it has to be honest it can't be made up it can't be oh but I think I'm this way forget that crap 100% honest because down deep you don't believe there's anything negative about you and you better not because there's not The same time you are doing this I want you to pretend that the whole world is doing it all at the same time in that moment the whole world is standing in front of the mirror saying what they believe in in themselves everybody is different everybody is unique everybody is special and we better all know that within ourselves because then there's always going to be somebody that is unhappy in their life and want to tease put down harass somebody else in their family to make themselves feel better once you understand this and somebody starts giving you a hard time just smile and think to yourself I feel so bad for you that you must not like yourself that much to do this to me to make yourself feel better * I want you to understand that when we are born we are all given a gift all of us and that gift is choice* *WE   get to choose who WE WANT TO BE IN LIFE. BY THE THINGS WE SAY AND DO * 
 
  This is your life your choice  
 I hear the beauty the conference in your words that is the real you because that is your choice you are making that choice for you and your NOT ALLOWING SOME ONE ELSE Define you.  
 
 Except your choice except yourself and become that beautiful person that you are and then every time somebody says something to you  
 
 except who they are because that's their choice they choose to put other people down to make themselves feel better  
 
 And its ok to think to yourself i feel bad for that person for doing what they do because they don't believe in themselves and they want you to feel the same way they do on the inside. 
 
  And before walk away from that mirror you need to tell yourself I am the only person on the inside of me nobody else I am the person that makes me happy or sad there is nobody else that can control that except for me because it comes from me and only me from this day forward I believe in myself I love myself I will not allow others to Define me I am confident I'm strong I am healthy and I am me and this is my choice I'm going to choose who I want to be in life by the things I say and do

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

you are 14 and run into all this already?

You are correct, the family issues... are trauma. Those issues send you down a path where you experience more traumas of rejection in life.

This is all well understood in psychology how we develop and you need to learn or gain the help of expertise to see it, heal it, and rise above it. To take control so you aren't functioning out of the wounds given to you, but out of a source of love.

The psychology you can start looking at is "Erickson Clark Development Stages". There you can see how behaviors relate back to childhood. You need to find the "hurts", and heal them. many ways to do that. Speak the truth into them, and heal them with love.

For this, the best source of love I found is Christ Jesus directly. In understanding, believing, and accepting that love, you have infinite source to heal from God's love so you can grow. If you don't accept this, then you have to figure out another way.

Your insecurity comes from some combination of your personality (how you interpreted events) and experiences and now hormones driving it all. The essence of emotions might be feeling ashamed, fear of rejection, etc.. We generally do what we were "trained" to do and you are simply projecting that. Vulnerability, confidence... these are what is goign on, and need developed

An easy solution is "little steps" tracking progress... practice good behaviors... journaing things out, positive reinforcements and reminders, remove negatives... build success little at a time and create new patterns. Practice being in places where you are insecure and just write down what you feel, let the feelings go and find peace.

I'm not an "expert" or professional, this is what I learned in experience and makes sense to me.

My family and I are going to Norway this year, can't wait to see what it's all about. Good luck in making the changes you need to make and now see.

itsalyssaagain · Accepted Answer

You’re so young this breaks my heart 😭

It’s because sadly enough you’ve grown up in the era of social media and stupid beauty standards established by plastic Kardashians.

We’re in a pandemic of insecure girls and I see it every time I leave the house. Beautiful young girls looking ridiculous with their wayyyy too oversized lips, fake nose, bbls…

Sweetie you are beautiful just the way you are please don’t compare yourself to what you see on social media.

Im literally the same age as Kylie Jenner and when you put us together I look like her daughter because I haven’t touched my face!

And trust me you’re better looking than I was when I was 14. You go through a lot of awkward phases during that time in your life but you eventually grow into your features. Even body wise.

ClaircognizantEmpath · Accepted Answer

Hey there my smart little cookie ; ) you are universally entirely exactly who you should be, at every moment, if you are 14 years old, i can tell you, you are going to be sweet! You are precisely where you should be, expanding your consciousness beyond your upbringing and refined environment. You have got this... i am so impressed i can't tell you... i have a 17yr old baby girl been through... a lot... you are instinctively aware of it all? most likely always have been... all your waiting for is confirmation... even now for me still learning it is me!! that knows, have all along... and if you keep this between you and i, i would bet my bottom dollar it will make sense on and off your whole life... bless you sweetheart xxxx

Kaneki05 · Answer

Only thing that can stop it is you. It's simple yet hard. Your mindset is the only thing making you feel that way, if you shifted it to a care less attitude you would stop been as insecure.
No one else can fix the way you see things ya have to do that to yourself.

Other people can help but to truly change it you have to do that within yourself, which happens overtime or right away depending on yourself or the harsh one never. And don't ever rely on some guy to make you feel that way, while of course you want someone to compliment you and make you feel good. Relying on it is different, it gives them all the power to make it much worse and never solves your mindset to get better.

Also I hate to use age but you are 14 a lot changes from there until adult, but I ain't gonna be one of those people who pretends you can just grow out of it. Sure in that time you may cope better maybe even change your thoughts but that's due to your own work in your head not just you ageing and again maybe not. Maybe you feel exactly the same in years time which is okay, people take their own time with this.
And stop getting attached to people who aren't good for you lol. In reality the solution is simple but it's the effort getting there that's the hard part for many people. Also dunno what madman rejected you but his loss lol.

Clarkkk · Answer

Hit the gym, hard. Work at your job like your life depends on it.

Poor mental health is the result of a lack of productivity. Too many therapists believe that we need to get our head straight before we come productive, but they are absolutely 100% incorrect. It’s the other way around.

Get yourself in a physical shape, do good at your job no matter what it is and your insecurities will melt away. Do not expect to get rid of your insecurities before you do any of this stuff. Action is where it’s at.

guest2625 · Answer

I used to be very insecure too. I promise you that if your crushes don’t like you back right now, they aren’t meant for you. What helped me is realizing no one will ever be you! You are so unique (and pretty) and some people might think you’re pretty and others will not and that’s okay because you don’t find everyone attractive either. So if someone ever says something mean to you, their opinion isn’t worth more than your own.
Journaling really helped, and also remembering that it doesn’t matter what other people think of you because you don’t want to walk on egg shells. If you filter what you say and who you are, to make others like you, you won’t fully be yourself. So try to be more in the moment and less in your head so you don’t overthink because I’m sure you are v wonderful <3

Summeroflove · Answer

It’s hard to just stop… if you're 14 I would talk to your parents about how you feel. As well as see about getting professional counseling or therapy.

If you’re at school. See if there is a counselor and/or a therapist or someone else like that at school you can talk to.

Also, I know my worth in Jesus. He shed his blood for me. I know I am loved by him. I also know there is people in my life who love me unconditionally.

Remember, no matter what you do. There will always be people who judge you. You can’t please everyone. So be your true authentic self and you’ll attract people who love you for you.

abbyjgriffin98 · Answer

Practice gratitude. What are things you are grateful for? You can journal. Write out all your feelings on paper. Do things that make you feel good. Find a hobby. Something that fuels you. This can be going to the gym. Reading a good book. Drawing. Learning a new language. Something that motivates you and makes you feel happy; something that you love doing. Be proactive and strive for improvement. These are just some tips.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I find working on knowing you better means you can't be in a relationship. When you are in a relationship, you rely on the other persons love and affection to help with your insecurities. It is just masking them.

I've always been of the opinion, you have to know who you are before being in a relationship. There is too much confusion in a relationship when you are trying to get to know two people at once.

Self awareness and improvement comes from making goals, working on those first and achieving things that make you appreciate yourself. No one can help or do that for you.

HawkPerception · Answer

I know that no amount of compliments will make you feel less insecure because I'm the same way. Even right now at 29 years old, it doesn't matter how many people say I'm attractive or intelligent. I still feel all those insecurities. However, I do have a biased belief. I believe that insecure people are generally more intelligent individuals. They usually have introspective qualities and have EI.

As for a solution to your issue, I can't give you a clear one because I'm still working on it myself. But I will say that every day you live, you get one step closer to being confident and more comfortable in your own skin. The more you socialize with others that you vibe with, the more you'll realize your value in life. The hardest part is putting yourself out there, especially if you're introverted. Anyways, you're only 14 and only just starting to walk in life so take your time and enjoy the ride!

RingOfFire · Answer

I think the answer lies in understanding that you are every bit as worthy as anyone else. Think about it. What are the chances that you are the only one in the crowd who is somehow worth less than anyone else? Very small.

All human beings are 95% similar. We all have our good side and our bad side. We all have our secret doubts about ourselves and our insecurities. That girl next to you has some of the same fears you do. Some people are just more conscious of them than others.

Ask yourself why you should be worth less than anyone else. If you really think about it, you're not. You are every bit as worthy as anyone else. Don't hold on to the fear. Let it go.

Curious_teen07 · Answer

I can totally relate with the last paragraph. What i do, is that i

go 2-3 days completely without looking at the mirror/camera.

keep thinking 'if you treat me like a joke, i'll leave you like it's funny' whenever im in a frustrating/depressing/confusing situation.

Sing along to music blasted from the speakers

Anonymous · Answer

Dr. Phil has I famous line "You wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you if you realized how seldom people do".

This is actually good news. Because when you realize that you're just a footnote in other people's lives it frees you up to live your life how you want. Because the only way you matter to most people is how you fit in thier lives.

Celticwolf78 · Answer

Ok yes it is because of family problems and that has a lot to do with it and you have to convince yourself that your fine and you have to stop judging yourself because you think that you you need to change to please others but you need to make yourself happy and love yourself instead of what others think

Sparkie460 · Answer

It's sad that you're going through this at a young age but trust me. You are a beautiful young girl. Ignore everyone that tells you differently

ItsZaman · Answer

if its you in your profile pic, then you don't need to worry about your looks. you are very beautiful pretty and gorgeous. you should feel proud for being so beautiful pretty and gorgeous.

Emanon25 · Answer

Be yourself self and appreciate yourself too, some people they aren’t cute and they are happy with themselves because they accept their appearance.

EpicSnail · Answer

How would you behave if you didn't care what others thought about you?

Luckycharms12 · Answer

We all go true it. I look at myself say I'm good person have good job and not worst looking person in the world. All that added up bit of a catch

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

Look up insecurity guards on YouTube

Christoff92 · Answer

Sure you can. Practice makes perfect 🤗

cootjuhh · Answer

dont worry to much. you are young and beautyful.

How can I stop being insecure and appreciate myself?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said