How do I stop being insecure and comparing myself to others?

[Anonymous]

I'm not talking about good looks or how much money I make.

I'm insecure when it comes to likability and my childhood trauma.

Simple things like being left out bring back memories of me being isolated and disliked growing up because I come from an abusive family.

I get insecure when I meet other people who never had to go through that or even know what it feels like.

It also makes me insecure in the sense that I feel like there's something wrong with me sometimes so nobody wants to truly be around me for me.

It affects me in so many ways... even in relationships.

[KingOfMe1]

@LostandFound__x Easy, just stop thinking all the thoughts that cause that feeling. That's the Law of Forgiveness

If you think one, switch your thoughts to something else or change your perception by thinking the opposite.

Alter you're paradigm. You should make the idea, that most people want to be around me, a belief. You have beliefs that aren't helping you. Just change them.

That's the only way to stop being insecure. It will all go away if you just alter the paradigm, your conditioning.

Our subconscious is responsible for 96% of our results.
If you change your paradigm your results will change but more importantly the way you feel will change.

It's that simple. Just think and act and feel how you would prefer to be.
It'll become normal. Stop feeding what you don't want. Just abandon it, forgive it completely. The first step is becoming aware of when it is happening, every time. That way you can switch your thinking and behavior.

Requires discipline. Don't speak, think, or act like the person you don't want to be.
Give all your attention to thinking and acting like the person you want to be.
In probably less than a year the problem will be long gone.

[Asker]

In less than a year!!! That would be a dream! 🥲
It affects me so much. I feel like I’ll never have real friends or a real partner or anything. To think that I could overcome that in less than a year seems amazing……. I just want to progress in my life so bad.

Thanks I’m going to give this a go. I’ll try and be as persistent and patient about it as possible. I’m really determined to stop being my own enemy.

[razelove]

You don't, that's very human. Unless you're pursuing some zhen philosophy to be in a constant state of Sartori or something.

You will always want to make yourself better, and your benchmark will always be other people. Whether it's seeing a girl with a hotter boyfriend, better looks, nicer things. It makes you strive to achieve them.

Guys aren't too much different, we get a push to achieve more by seeing another guy who has the things we want, especially if we can achieve those things with some hard work and sacrifice.

I would caution that the only thing that will lead to hate and discontent is unrealistic expectations, like work step by step. A guy working at McDonalds who wants to save up to get a vehicle is realistic, wanting to be a millionaire, there's no simple step to that.

Much like if you're single finding a boyfriend you can be satisfied with is realistic, finding someone who checks all the boxes is not. They're comparable goals.

[Anonymous]

One nice thing about us humans is that we can work on ourselves and be able to make changes to certain areas of ourselves that we don’t quite feel comfortable with.


So my suggestion to you is…ask yourself, what is it that is making me insecure? Stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself that. Is it maybe that you can lose a couple of pounds? Or maybe a new hairstyle might do you better?


Once you’ve figured out your insecurity, ask yourself how you can gradually get rid of it. For example, if it’s your weight, maybe start watching what you eat. Remember, weight loss is 98% diet and 2% exercise. So you don’t even need to do any sort of exercise to lose weight. All you need to know is how many calories you burn per day depending on your personal lifestyle. Then, to lose the weight, simply eat around 100 calories less than that amount to lose weight.

[Asker]

I guess it's psychological for me so it's a bit more complicated.

[Opinion Owner]

Ohh I see. Have you tried going to a therapist and talking your feelings out?

A therapist can help you identify strengths and focus on those rather than on perceived failings.

Therapy for insecurity might involve cognitive behavioral techniques, such as talking through one’s insecurities or journaling about them. Addressing insecurities in therapy may help people feel more confident in who they are and the choices they make.

Whether you are struggling with feelings of insecurity related to a life circumstance or mental health condition, the right therapist can help you develop skills to deal with insecurity.

[Asker]

Thanks! I actually just started going to therapy again... fingers crossed!

[Sour-rose]

Stop comparing in general? What I know is probably very weak to listen to but that's the biggest I got. When you stop comparing yourself to others, you see your own worth and realize you're bigger than anyone else... and also bigger than no one else. (contradicting but it's from a video I saw last night)

[J2ohhhhh]

Don't hang too much into a self image, a personality. They're just a pattern of your choices, but the pattern only exists because you hold into it too much. Be curious about life, what happens if you break order, your routines. Don't look at yourself with expectations, but with curiosity who you can become if you embrace chaos and randomness. Be water fam

[Asker]

Thanks this is actually very interesting!

[TonyMetal___86]

When you meet the right person, he will tell you how special you are and when you realize how special you are, all the insecurities will vanish 😌

[Asker]

That sounds nice tbh

[AmeerX]

You can't do this to yourself. Remember people had to struggle in life too. Grow up, don't let it eat your heart.

Control yourself 💪.

[Asker]

Thank you Ameer. You’re positivity and outlook on things always helps me feel better!

[AmeerX]

On the contrare I am quite the opposite and do the same things myself sometimes

[Asker]

Well you are good at advising

[AmeerX]

👌...

[In_Trance]

get off social media for starters

[Asker]

That's actually really true.

[CoolCatMar1]

I agree with @In_Trance