Ever been bullied by a girl group?

[Anonymous]

Can we talk about bullying when you’re a fully grown woman…

It’s different to what you experienced in high school. It’s passive aggressive and targets your insecurities and self esteem.

I guess you could say the “best friend” I had since I could remember anything - turned against me a couple of years ago (when I was getting engaged and she got jealous).

Since the marriage didn’t happen we still hung out (I didn’t know boundaries), and she met all my friends.

Now they’re all a friend group and they started leaving me out and being very passive aggressive towards me.

I blocked the “best friend” about a year ago but she still kept showing up to my friends’ events and purposely leaving me out.

My other “friends” started ignoring me (my texts, seeing me, and all). And now they’re a happy friendship group posting stuff on social media and I’ve just been kicked to the side :)

Updates

10 mo

Sometimes (like today) it upsets me because I feel betrayed. But most of the time I work through it. Better things are coming hopefully.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am sorry it has happened to you.

I know some girls can be not so nice, unless you set some boundaries in a relationship with them or choose your friends really wisely.

I’ll give some tips from my experience, as a person who has never been bullied ever.

First, I choose my friends really carefully and they are amazing people, if we don’t consider the last friend I made, which I made because I found her cute, because of how “bad” and different she was.

I have had a few great friends and have never had a problem with them, I know they’d never do anything to hurt me, but the thing is, if there are some women who are on friendly terms with you and trying to hurt you, it’s important to remember,

first thing first, you respect yourself.

Always.

The first time they make a remark about you that you dislike, make it clear they can not do it again, ever… Set some boundaries.

Don’t you ask for it, request for it.

Don’t keep any of their words close to your heart. Always, let them see that whatever negative thing they say - doesn’t affect you, because you see yourself in a great light and have a very high view of yourself.

It’s better if you cut such people off totally, why do you want someone who doesn’t respect and love you?

Only befriend people who totally admire you and would stick by your side in any situation, with others have safe distance, so that they know they MUST respect you and that it’s in their best interests that THEY’D RATHER be your friends than your enemies.

[Asker]

Thank you!! This is actually really useful. I’ve started practicing boundaries recently. It feels like such a relief.

[AllAloneInTheWorld]

It was 2009 I was 22 at the time and I had just gotten a job and from day one the girls who were good friends with the owner of the business were not only talking negative about me behind my back but they had also blamed me for filling up the sink with dirty water and saying i was going to get them into trouble with the food inspectors for the mess when it was the older women in her 60's who was working as a supervisor who filled the sink up. In the end I was made to empty the sink

I then also got blamed by the supervisor herself for her dropping the 600ml bottle of coke in the food and she made me clean it up. That same supervisor also refused to throw the food out, instead she still served it to customers

I only lasted 4 days there before I left

[Asker]

Aw I’m sorry. I’m glad you managed to leave.

[AllAloneInTheWorld]

I am so deeply sorry to read what has happened to you. I hope you will be okay

[Asker]

Thanks! It’s upset me but I’ll get through it

[RavVid]

Sorry to hear this. Female aggression is pretty brutal take-no-prisoners stuff. But it is almost always social warfare.

I infer that in addition to your "best friend" you don't want much to do with your former "friendship group". Undoubtedly you have been subject to a reputation attack based on stuff from when you were very young onward.

Girls do also attack other girls to men. Usually it is a slut attack and finishes with "what do you think of her now". Men being men we usually think 'Woohoo I could get easy sex here'.

If you do want to keep in with the friendship group than I would suggest you try picking off one or two. Having a phone chat or perhaps having coffee with a view to finding out how you have been attacked but you would need to be careful to not feed the mill and assume anything you say will be recounted.

Are there any guys that are more distant? You are more likely to find out from them. Or girls that are enemies of your 'best friend'.

Overall I think it is best to find and develop new better friends.

I don't think any of this will be stuff you haven't thought but there is lots of stuff on youtube about female aggression if it helps. It certainly hurts to be pushed out of social circles.

Don't let the bitches get you down!

[Asker]

I’ve tried to be on normal terms with all of them but they keep leaving me out or ignoring me! I’m at a point where I’m hurt (because I invested into the friendships and I actually cared for them), but I really don’t want to be friends with any of them anymore.

Thanks…I agree. New friends is a better idea haha.

And thanks about the YouTube thing! I’ll take a look at that.

[RavVid]

It may not be starting revelations you see but I am concerned at your emotional well being and it has to be extremely hurtful to be excluded from the friendship circle by a woman you have known from birth (approx) but became jealous of you getting engaged.

Most of all I am concerned that you, yourself start buying into it and seeing yourself as the problem. Particularly as you have said they are passive-aggressively attacking insecurities (which we all have).

A lot of girls have said to me that it is hard to have a good female friend and it is easier to be friends with men. A female friend said to me 'Its very political being a girl'.
2 Million BC...

With men the competition is very physical. The taller stronger man wins and it is not more complicated than that. Within hunter gatherers back then there seems to have been a 50% homicide rate.
Some hunter gatherer cultures exchanged males and others exchanged females. Whilst females aren't so disposed to physical violence there is still competition for resources for themselves and their children plus support in general. If a female was exchanged to another tribe then she had to work to build alliances and support networks within the other females and to generally work to exclude others so she got more support.

That's the theory of the origins of female competition as I understand it and it has an echo with your experience of your former longest friend coming into the female group and ousting you from the group as the strongest competition too her.

Feel free to PM me anytime.

[Asker]

Thanks!!

And yes I totally agree with your friend. I don't know if you’ve noticed but a lot of women don’t actually have any ‘friends’…they tend to be the honest ones.

I mean what’s happened sucks and it has made me cry a few times. But I know I’m a strong person so I’ll come out of it. At the end of the day I haven’t really lost anything…but yeah I guess it hurts because I thought they’d be in my life forever.

[RavVid]

Yes I have noticed a lot of women don't have real friends or the friendships are of short duration and there is a bust up. The sisterhood can be more concept than reality.

I've heard quite a few qirls say that girls are so competitive as well. From a male side you can think you are friends with a girl but invariably she will do something that is friendship breaking.

For myself I count it as a boon when someone breaks the deal as it means I don't put effort in where it doesn't belong and it is not as if you have the capacity for more than a handful of friends.

[Leapfrog00]

I had many friends like this. From my experience, friends like that are users and do not care about you. I tell you what I did. I finally confronted my friend Maquela, she got really bad at doing things like this, and it ended with her telling everyone that I was talking smack on them, but I confronted her. I called her an immature bitch and told her she should be ashamed of herself. I shamed the hell out of that girl! She eventually felt guilt.

Confronting people is not always easy. I have social anxiety and a severe panic disorder, so it took A LOT for me to tell her how I felt.

At least if you tell this person how you feel, you will feel better knowing that you said something. Or you could make better friends, because this friend is NOT worth your time. FAR from a friend!

[Asker]

Honestly and truly — I’m waiting for one of them to try it with me because I’m very confrontational and I have no issue speaking my mind. Mainly because I know I’m a good person and I haven’t done anything wrong.

They all know that I’m very confrontational and they’re all passive aggressive because they’re cowards. I think that’s why theyve used the passive aggressive tactic.

[Leapfrog00]

I have noticed a lot of people use that tactic. My friend was doing that when she was talking behind my back, instead of in front of me, or to me directly. At least your honest. That's a good quality to have. And sometimes you have to call someone out. I know for some people they feel guilty for it, and others will push guilt on them, and for what? Because they were being honest.

And to bully people and do it in a manner to where you can't even defend yourself, yeah, that is very cowardly. That's why I don't like most people. They make me sick! I hate to downgrade other people, but I know I'm smarter than them most of the time!

[Asker]

I totally agree with you! Sometimes honestly it just has to be done.

[Unit1]

Not really. Generally women fear me for reasons I can't know. I'm not doing anything, that makes it happen.

Still, the betrayal and being left behind you've gone through sounds familiar to me. It happens pretty common. Bebe Rexha made a song about this exact matter called FFF (fuck fake friends).

If there are some things I won't tolerate when affiliating with someone it is their loyalty flakiness (e. g. changing allegiances back and forth and betrayal). It is a common reason to have fewer friends than to have many friends.

[Asker]

I guess so

[KostasKouvalis]

I see. Me and my friends were bullied by a group of girls in high school.

Damn. That's fucked up. Love will do that. I sort of lost my best friend once he got a girlfriend, so I sort of get how she feels too, but she could've just ignored you and stopped being friends, instead of acting like thar. I know deep down she was extremely happy your engagement didn't work out.

I've sort of had that happened and it feels shitty indeed. I don't know. what else to tell you except to ignore them and find new friends. Or a boyfriend

[Asker]

Thanks! Sometimes I get sad (like today) but other time I try not to think about it.

It hurts because they were my best friends for years and years. And I’ve just been completely left out.

Also I didn’t leave her out because I was getting engaged. I went to her house to tell her face to face and asked her to plan everything with me and be my maid of honour. She said no.

Then when we broke up she was over the moon.

[KostasKouvalis]

It's been so long that I've gotten over it, but at the time, I felt hurt. Yeah, me and my buddies and my friend's family, were happy too when he broke up with his first girlfriend because none of us liked her. We invited them to go hiking with us and they were doing their own thing. And she was so rude to us. Not to mention ugly.

I haven't met or interacted much with his current wife, but she seems okay. I'm pretty certain he met her during a cam session though. I'm not even gonna sugarcoat it, she's an exhibitionist😂

But my mom suspects it might have been her who had him ask me for all that personal information for something shady, because he's too stupid to come up with something like that on his own.

[KostasKouvalis]

There were some adult girls at my work who were bossy bullies too

[Asker]

Haha I’m ngl the way you’re so honest about it all made me laugh

[KostasKouvalis]

That's good, because it sounds like you needed a laugh today :p
Yeah, sometimes it just pops into your head

[Asker]

Haha yes

[msc545]

These people were not really your friends to begin with. Real friends will never treat you like this no matter how jealous they feel.

Your group of former "friends" including your former "best friend" are well gone.

[Asker]

I guess so!

[Blueeyes81]

No but I see it at work all the time. The middle age women run in cliques and target any younger woman that is attractive.

[Asker]

Yup 🤷🏻‍♀️

[NYCQuestions1976]

Damn. Screw those people. Sorry that happened to you. You were smart to move on.

[Asker]

Aw thanks

[NYCQuestions1976]

You're welcome.

[CrimsonAngel09]

Not that I know of.

It was always guys who spoke aloud about me, since I didn't look like the popular girls.

[TallAnon]

Nah, I usually had the opposite, if I met a group of girls they usually started giggling and one or two would come up to chat with me after I smiled at them. No idea if what their intentions were, but they were friendly enough.

[Willlovewinintheend]

Yeah they were making fun of me at first until I walked up and put the moves on her and I got her number.

[Nikki1989]

I was bullied all the time in school. Now it is just a few online morons that make feeble attempts to harass me.

[Anonymous]

No, but I've seen it happen many, many times.

[exitseven]

I only have in my fantasies.

[Asker]

Lmaoooo

[EaterPeter]

Yes.

[Asker]

Aw I’m sorry

[Amur8711]

I don't think I have