Are women attracted to men based on our utility?

[Anonymous]

Maybe I'm wrong. But us men are not attracted to women based on their capability to perform actions.

But the actions men perform, even such a small thing as backing a car out of the driveway, can turn a woman on.

Clearly the nature of what attracts us is different. Men go for beauty, women go for functionality apparently.

Does anyone deny that?

If what makes a woman attracted to men is NOT utility, than what is it? It seems like for us men it's simple, we go for looks.

But what makes a woman desire a man seems to be a complete mystery.

[Alli39]

If she was turned on by you backing a car out of a driveway, she was just turned on by you. There are certain things a guy can do that are inexplicably attractive, but that really depends on the person (it's not about utility though).

I think it's nice to have someone to depend on for either gender, it's just the case that there are a lot of day-to-day tasks that are easier for men than women (on average) just due to stupid things like height differences. And part of being dependable is being emotionally dependable so don't just think it's about being able to do certain tasks. It not about what you do, it's about why you do it.

But in general, attraction is a mix of looks, personality, ability, and just like, chemistry (sexual or emotional - basically how well you get along).

[Asker]

These are all basic things that I don't think speak to the "nature" of attraction.

Like, us men go for looks. All that you said, one could say applies for men too.

But at the fundamental root of it all, is our desire to experience the beauty of a woman.

I want to know what the female equivalent is.

Maybe there isn't one! Maybe women don't have what men have. Men have this unifying sexyality. We ALL know that each and every straight man is absolutely BONKERS for female beauty above all else no matter how much you want to talk about other aspects of attraction.

I guess women just don't have that like we men do. I think though that people will deny even that which is unfathomable to me as a man.

[Alli39]

I mean some women are probably that superficial (at least for hook-ups), but I've honestly never met anyone of any gender who lists only one trait that they look for in a romantic partner, and definitely not only physical characteristics. You want someone who you actually get along with ya know? Pretty lame relationship if the only thing you're in it for is the other person's appearance in my opinion.

[Asker]

I am speaking about the nature of attraction. Not people's standards which they choose through experience, lessons learned, and personal growth.

Just because a person has developed standards does not remove the true nature of their sexual attraction to the opposite sex. At least not for men.

Inside every heterosexual male, in the core of his being, burns a humongous fire whose only purpose is to consume the beauty of the female.

Us men crave more than anything in this world, to experience the beauty of a woman. I get the feeling that you ladies are utterly clueless about this.

I think I understand now why it's so confusing to women that men don't understand what women want.

For you it's a foreign idea that the nature, rhe core, the absolute root and fundamental aspect of sexuality could be something like physical attraction.

But that's what it is for 100% of hetero men.

It doesn't matter if a man develops standards and wants MORE from his woman than just her beauty.

But no matter how high his standards go, the root, the essence, the absolute fundamental nature of our attraction towards you women is your beauty.

Period. And I don't give a fuck if anyone disagrees with me, it's going to be an extremely high barrier of proof to change my mind.
.
So basically women have no nature. You don't have that burning fire inside you, burning with desire for men.

You only desire a man when he meets your standards, and your attraction is based on that.

I'm learning so much!

[Asker]

Would it be accurate for me to say that the nature of your attraction is logical or pragmatic?

You only become attracted if a guy does certain things or acts certain ways.

As men we are attracted to any woman just by looking at her. We don't need to know her, only to see a picture of her.

That doesn't mean we will date or marry her. It only means we would desire to have sex with her.

Does that change anything or make more clear what I'm saying? I just want to understand women and the female equivalent, or equal and opposite complementary nature to my nature.

[Alli39]

I mean women do experience straight up physical attraction (like dude, everyone knows chris evans is hot), most just prefer not to base a romantic relationships on that alone. At least for me, it's not a list of specific actions or pragmatism, it's a mix of how I feel emotionally around the guy, if I find him physically attractive, and if I can connect with him intellectually/emotionally. But if we're just talking about sex/hook-ups (which really aren't my thing so it's hard to say) then I guess women are about as superficial as men. He hot? He's not a complete jerk? Good enough. I'm just under the impression that most people of any/either gender look for more than that if we're considering romantic attraction.

[Asker]

This is not about dating sex or marriage.

This is about the most fundamental drive which attracts you to a man.

That fundamental drive is animalistic. It cares not for the meanings of dates sex and marriage. Connection, personality or otherwise.

All it knows is one thing. Attraction to women. Their beauty, their sexiness.

That is the root of male sexuality. Sex dates love marriage or any kind of relationship is not what I'm talking about.

But maybe the content of female attraction is dependant on those things that you mentioned such as emotional or intellectual connection.

Those things are fundamental for women in the same way beauty is fundamental for men.

But a man has to learn to value those other things over time. And before during and after learning those lessons, visuals are always the most important thing.

Even if he doesn't want them to be. Even if he chooses with his rational mind to pursue love or sex or marriage based on some rational standards.

But that will never remove the true root of his desire which is to experience female beauty.

I think women don't have such a desire for us men as we do for them. Clearly right? We have prostitution for men and not really for women.

Because men need to experience the beauty of woman. It's fundamental to our happiness.

It's just not the same. for y'all. We are not the same and our attraction is not the same.

Thats what I'm trying to figure out anyways. It's just hard to tease it out especially on this site that is full of angry people who are mad at the opposite gender.

And here I am asking wacky questions.

But thanks either way for engaging with my madness.

[Alli39]

Honestly it's a difficult subject to capture because of how much of the way we experience attraction and beauty is actually rooted in learned cultural practices. (Just consider what's "attractive" in modern cultures across the world.)
Like do women actually experience sexuality and attraction more emotionally than men, or are we simply raised to pursue more connected and responsible relationships for historical cultural reasons (and the fact they we're the ones stuck with the baby if something happens). Could men theoretically experience a more emotional form of attraction? I'd say yes, plenty of guys I've talked so have cited actions or character traits as being extremely attractive in a woman and the demi/ace gray scale exists for people of all genders. I'm of the opinion that sexuality tends to be an extremely unique, personal experience that is difficult, if not impossible, to generalize across a population. You're probably struggling to find an answer because there isn't a specific one.

[Asker]

It's a question I have asked feminists directly before, in regard to the socialization question.

But when I asked the question which is basically "does the patriarchy change male sexuality by conditioning us in some way to desire female beauty" they got angry.

But I know that feminism itself does think about topics like this. It's just that if I'm looking for information, I'm at the mercy of whether the person can separate a real question from a troll.

But it's very hard to imagine that male sexuality could be different. We are all the same.

Just because we like women who look like this or look like that at this time or that time in history changes nothing.

Every man knows. Except the feminist men who reject it and try to say that it's all socialization and it's not all of us.

It definitely is even if some of us want to deny it.

So it's very hard to believe in the socialization theory.

Additionally I have read to some depth specifically this topic:

"Feminist theories of masculinity."

I found it lacking. I found that feminists are not being truly honest in their apprehension of men, maleness, and so on.

So I honestly feel like im better off asking normal girls here on this site some questions, rather than know it all intellectuals who I can see clearly don't know as much as they wish they did.

But I do wish to investigate in depth the topic from a intellectual perspective.

But hey I am not going to college I just do this by myself.

I read a lot of contradictory stuff. Both I'm terms of biology and socialization on ALL topics of human society.

I see one side say one thing and one side say another and they're contradictory.

Well I suppose it's fun to learn things its just frustrating when I can't find answers lol.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker. There really isn't an equivalent. Most women can't DO shit, which is why they want a man. Most women can't even clear a slow drain, change a flat tire, or properly hang a TV. And most pretty women think they are above such plebian activities.

[scouty]

Yes and no, there are so many things that contribute to being interested in a partner and I suppose utility can be one of them.
Personally I don’t find it attractive when some random guy can reverse park or is good with tools etc but I do like it when my partner is doing those things because he is confident and happy and that’s very attractive. Also the mundane kind of activities are beautiful because I can see a life with him and that’s important to me.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I don't think it's TOTALLY that. I've had more women walk up to me and say "you're hot" than "you're rich". I'm sure utility is part of it, but at the end of the day it is for men as well. As the saying goes, show me the hottest woman in the world and I'll show you a man that's tired of her ist.

[Aphrodite801]

We can’t tell if a man is rich from looking at them despite what guys say lmao people fake being rich all the time

[BoopBoopBeep]

@Aphrodite801 Not on a once-off seeing him order a drink or something. If it's someone you have repeated exposure too you can pick up on the signs. Not looking at prices once or twice can be for show. Never looking at prices and having 6 figures available credit is harder to fake. Most of the people in my neighborhood could pass for middle to maybe upper middle class if you looked at them. Most of the people in my neighborhood do not have the same net worth. Warren Buffet's truck is 50 years old and the guy beside you drives a new mercedes. Warren's not asking how much the new transmission costs and the guy in the mercedes is asking you do drive to the date because he's over mileage on his leased vehicle. There's flashy ist to buy and then there's expensive ist to buy. I've spent a great deal on guns, wine and art over the years. The random grocery bagger may not know what they're looking at and it mean nothing to them, but someone knowledgeable to what those things cost will take note despite the fact that I'd never mention the cost of any of that in public.

Bloody hell length restrictions again... wait a second

[BoopBoopBeep]

cont-

Also "small things" in life can be slightly different if you pay attention. You can often hear a phone call NOT on speaker if you sit near a person. When he calls the credit card company to ask about airline miles or whatever and it goes straight to a person not an automated "push 1 to hate life, push two to be disconnected, push 3 to wait until your battery dies", that's an indicator. When he calls his bank and it doesn't say "Thank you for calling First National Bank of Bob. Please enter your... whatever they say" but "Thank you for calling XYZ Private Banking, your number has been matched against our records, please stand by while we connect you to your personal banker" and you get a live person immediately that addresses you by Mr./Mrs. XYZ, that's a different story. When your admiring a gift basket for Christmas or whatever and ask where he got it and he goes "my broker sent it to me for Christmas", that at least means he's doing something right. Especially when he picks up after hours. If he's calling his tailor because he needs some new clothes for an event you talk about, especially if the tailor doesn't ask him to come in, that's a good sign. I could probably list 50 more examples tonight.

Looking at them, no... but LOOKING at them, many times yes.

[inhua]

no they prioritize looks first and everything else second with personality last

[Pinay_ako]

What? 🤣 ooh that man over there can father my kids… oh wait that guy in the corner looks like he’s good in bed… never mind that fella in the back looks like he can fund my purse addiction. Wtf 🤣

[Asker]

I hope you don't think I'm angry or a troll. Based on your laughing emojis you think I am either an angry man or a stupid one with negative views or beliefs about women. As I have seen I habe been accused of such despite having zero of those things in my heart and mind.

Anyways:

I'd love to know the content of your desire.

I said it to another commenter, but I feel that as a man, I was born with a burning desire to consume female beauty. And that every heterosexual male is also equally infatuated, obsessed, addicted, and so on, to female beauty.

It's not about standards. It's not about what you choose to look for in a partner. This trait that trait, intelligence kindness hard working or other.

It's about what is it that fundamentally drives your desire for a man?

For us men It's very simple. Even if we develop standards and red flags and green flags and we decide to choose our partner by rational means.

That will never take away the fact that at the core of our being as men, is an absolute obsession with female beauty.

And so I have wanted to know what is the female equivalent? What is the nature of your attraction?

I suppose I am learning that women do not have such a thing like us men do. We ALL crave female beauty but women are not like that. You are not attracted to men the same way we are attracted to women.

I just wish to discover the content of female attraction towards men. What is it about us that makes you want us at all?

Are my words offensive? Am I stupid? What obvious thing am I missing than?

Please help? I swear I am not a woman hater I only wish to understand. On this site people are ready to be upset and I am never sure if I'm saying things that make people mad for some reason.

[Pinay_ako]

Nah I’m not laughing at you or think of you of anything. I’m just answering your question by stating what these women you’re referring to might be saying or thinking about attraction and utility in one sentence. All I’m saying is I don’t get attracted to men based on WHAT THEY CAN DO FOR ME. That’s not me.

[WhitneySnow]

Personality mostly, but he can’t be ugly (luckily most people aren’t) and if he’s cute that’s defo a plus

[MissBoogus]

Sounds about right , but it’s also more then that. We also go for looks, personality, wealth etc. It’s also depending on the women, what stage of life she is in etc, because we are all different.

[FunkyMonkee]

No, just on how well you can beat them up, nearest I can tell.

[Anonymous]

You are right. But women care about looks too. But utilities are far more important for men to have than women

[gothbxtch]

nope lmao. at least not me. personality and looks, idgaf how capable he is

[Anonymous]

Ultimately the only reason women get in to a relationship with a man is because of the resources/security he can supply, the ‘warm and fuzzies’ are merely a by-product.

[KrakenAttackin]

Well, women are not at all attracted to men who don't have utility. Draw your own conclusions.

[Philyouup]

i think your over thinking this, this is a silly question in my own opinion.

[ButthurtGAGpeople1]

I can back a car out of a driveway, barely, but, ask me to parallel, and yeahhhh, lol

[MrShaun]

I think so.

My electric, gas and water bills are all paid up.

I know -- I'm hot 🤓

[barn_stormer]

women go for looks. it's just most men aren't hot to them

[Anonymous]

Many are. But not all. Some women actually still like guys for who they are as a person.

[Nikki1989]

Wrong on so many levels.

[Asker]

I only have my own desire as a reference. And the way it is for me and all men I would argue, is that visually, we are addicted to female beauty. It is the heart and soul of our attraction as men. Regardless of standards, regardless of external factors, our sexuality, our desire for women, is entirely shaped by how female beauty hits us deep.

And I'm just trying to understand how it is for woman. What is it about men that makes you attracted to us?

I cannot understand because I only have man thoughts and man perspective. I am not a woman.

But I can say how it is for me, or us, and hope that you would understand, and give me the female equivalent in words.

Maybe you don't have that. You as women do not have a burning attraction inside you that drives you to be attracted to men.

I don't know why y'all like us at all if you don't have that attraction like we have for you.

[rachel776]

no i have Postmates for that

[Asker]

So what makes you attracted to a man?

[Aphrodite801]

You sound incredibly unintelligent and biased.

[Asker]

I wonder why men and women on this website only want to fight and attack. What's up with that?

What am I saying that you could possibly be upset by?

[jwmiller95]

Looks at first then kindness to top it off :)

[4ngelic]

looks & personality