Did the girl get rightfully upset?

[izgmoen]

So i started at this new job and a month in i befriended a female co worker of mine who talks to a lot of girls there!

My position basically requires 100% of my attention every min on the min so i barely have downtime unlike her. Anyways my friend told me another girl had been checking me out like a lot (to the point where she follows where im going out n about.

I saw who it was and i was interested! Told her to tell her i'll swing by and introduce myself. I did and told her i'd be seeing her whenever it slows down at my end. She told my friend she was super excited.
I was expecting us to have fun later on...

2 weeks went by i was peak on productivity and i was only talking to my friend and not her. When i finally had downtime and saw her going to the bathroom on my way to her she looked really pissed off at me. I didn't know what to do and i'm not about to be like "did i make you upset" at work. I didn't touch it and just let it be.

A week in and i've noticed she's been very distant hasn't been mentioning me at all and now i feel awkward in approaching her. Maybe i missed my window of opportunity and made her feel like i fucked with her feelings? Ugh my game just isn't up to speed when it comes to work especially when i have a job to do thats on my mind 100% of the time.

What do y'all think? She was a cool girl for as long as i knew her lol shame it had to end this way

[Alli39]

I mean, I definitely get where you were coming from, but I also get where she was coming from. From her perspective a guy she was really interested in promised to come see her. He then completely ignored her. And frankly, you did have other options. You could have asked your friend for her contact, stopped by for two minutes during lunch and explained your situation, or found some way to contact her and let her know. It may not have been a big deal to you, but she clearly cared a lot about you and what you were thinking/feeling, so it was a big deal to her.

If you legitimately are interested in getting to know her, romantically or as a friend, I think this is salvageable. You should probably start by apologizing, though. Hurting someone is less about how we think/feel about our actions as much as how our actions affected the other person. So you can let it lie, or you can approach her, explain your situation, and then apologize sincerely.

(Really, I'd say apologize regardless of whether or not you want to pursue her if only out of kindness/respect, but really it's up to you. Again, it wasn't that your stance was unreasonable, but having a reasonable position doesn't mean we aren't hurting anyone and doesn't remove the responsibility of that harm.)

[izgmoen]

Ohhhh boy this one is gonna make this whole thing look bad on me. But we did exchange contact info and barely did we talk. I think we had a brief exchange about her kids and that was it. I was a lazy texter and still am so hopefully she doesn't think otherwise. She moved to another shift so I don't know how to repair this especially with all the help she's given me to make plans...

[Alli39]

Same answer; reach out, explain yourself, apologize. I believe it's worth doing even if either of you isn't still interested. (And if you do get involved, try to be better about texting if you're able to. Getting a text telling someone that you're too busy to talk is infinitely better than no text at all and can convey a lot about how much you respect and care for a person.) If you're bad with texting, say it and ask to talk on the phone, if you're bad with calls ask to meet in person. And if you're too busy to dedicate time to her in your life, then make that decision now, resolve the issue, but don't pursue her. If she has kids then she's probably pretty busy in her own right and taking time out of her day will be a sacrifice that you shouldn't take lightly. But as always, it's your choice.

[izgmoen]

Ugh i hate doing this lmao. I even told her i dont like texting. Obviously i'd rather talk on the phone but she said text only. Okay well this isn't going to go far. I just dont know if an apology is going to grab her interest at this point. It was so much better during the intial period. My friend was basically going back and forth playing the middle man relaying messages. I don't know if that she would've prefered me to come instead of my friend since "i had time" to chat, and send a message to her through my friend. I didn't really show up as much as I should've.

Honestly though i was gonna see you at some point? We worked the same shift why get all upset? I was going to see before i saw that look on your face then just said eh not at work am I going to touch this.

Both of us were just looking to have fun. Nothing serious. Guess i didn't communicate that either as far as enthusiasm for it.

[Alli39]

Yeah yeah, taking responsibility for one's mistakes is so terrible lol (I do mean that in a lighthearted way if that wasn't clear) Anyway.

Phone calls can be emotionally intimate for some people. Texting provides and emotional barrier and alleviates social pressure. She also may not have time to sit down and make phone calls if she's super busy. If you're looking at this long term, which it doesn't sound like you really are, then try to find a compromise (call a certain times, commit to texting back a certain amount, etc).

You don't need to grab her interest. The apology is for hurting her feelings, not just as a conversation starter. Once you've apologized, if she's still interested you'll probably be able to tell from her response.

And I don't know your exact situation but your apology could go something along these lines:
"Hey, _____. I know I said I would come talk to you, but work got really busy and I wasn't tracking on it. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, it was an oversight on my part. If you're still interested, I'd love to get to know you better/connect/etc from now on."

And if you're just looking to hook-up and you don't know that she's on the same page, clarify that ASAP if you get back in contact. (Not sure if this is a concern based on your reply but I figured I'd mention it.)

[izgmoen]

This apology meant to be a callback? Cause we are way past that point and she prob already thinks i forgot about her and has settled for that. by the way we both were looking for fun. First day we kinda broke the touch barrier. Then i just fumbled the ball from that point on.

and... her phones disconnected. Great must've gotten a new number.

[Alli39]

The apology was meant to be an apology lol, but if you can't get in contact with her then that's that. I can't say I'm super clear on your timeline here, but if it looks like it's over and you've attempted to apologize for anything you did wrong then I think that's really all that's left.

[izgmoen]

i sent you a message you get it?

[Alli39]

Ah sorry, I'm pretty new here and just realized I've never actually checked messages lol. I'll get to in it a moment

[izgmoen]

Honestly the app needs some polishing

[Alli39]

I mean I also didn't explore it too deeply when I got on. I just sort of jumped into writing and figured everything else would either appear in notifications or wasn't important. Not my smartest move lol

[Vikkrram]

Ma'am can you please follow me back i need to share something..

[inhua]

maybe in her eyes, she felt rightfully upset but you had other priorities

[Summeroflove]

If someone won’t talk to you they’re not worth your time

[barn_stormer]

I think you waited too long. 2 weeks... why didn't you make plans for after work

[izgmoen]

my game awareness is lacking im completely exhausted from work and need my rest on my days off

[barn_stormer]

sounds like you don't have time for a girlfriend

[izgmoen]

You're right brother and she prob thought i was fucking with her feelings

[barn_stormer]

you can fix it by just explaining everything but I still don't think you have time for a girlfriend

[izgmoen]

I dont want a girlfriend just someome to have fun with but i couldnt even communicate that with my apparent lack of communication

[barn_stormer]

she has kids? avoid avoid avoid

[izgmoen]

One teenager

[barn_stormer]

omg how old is she?

[izgmoen]

she is 33 years old

[barn_stormer]

omg don't waste your youth with older women with kids. you should be dating 18 year olds

[izgmoen]

i'm 27 bro. That is way too young for me

[barn_stormer]

a 10 year difference is normal. girls like older guys

[izgmoen]

I dont like younger girls.

[barn_stormer]

oh. well still single moms are a bad choice. you'll always be second after her kid

[izgmoen]

Thats what i was looking for. Thats why i chose her because ik she would never make me a priority. Nonconsecutive fun... whether that was once a week or once a month didn't matter to me.

[barn_stormer]

lol your dating standards are odd. but whatever. just explain to her what happened and I'm sure she'll take you back

[WhitneySnow]

I think she feels like you ignored her

[izgmoen]

Really? Damn those really werent my intentions. I thought i made it clear i was interested. When i did have time to chat with her she was much distant this time.