Why if I am in a happy committed relationship, I still fantasize about my coworker?

[Anonymous]

Hi ;)

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We get along great and have amazing chemistry in all areas. He is a good man, hardworking, he is great in bed, he is generous among other things.

A couple a months ago a new guy started working at my job, he is super attractive, like this dude is dreamy. I always thought he was fire since I saw him but never put a lot of thought in to it. He is way younger than me. A couple of weeks ago, we worked together at the same station and it was just the two of us. We started talking and we ended having a real kool conversation. He ended up asking me out dancing and I did tell him I am in a committed relationship and that Im unable to take his offer. In the beginning he say “I understand, I respect that” and I thought that would be the end of it.

But it wasn’t, later on that same day, he approached me again and said. “Your boyfriend doesn’t need to know, you know that right?” I honestly didn’t know how to respond to that. It has been so long since someone flirted with me that way.

And ever since that interaction he keeps telling me, “To think about it” “To give him a chance” and I can’t lie that his persuasion have me thinking a lot.

I think is sexy he keeps trying to ask me out and the way he does it makes me feel a way I don’t know how to explain. I would never leave my boyfriend over this but I can’t lie that deep inside my head, I do fantasize about going out with him.. but I do feel guilty.

I don’t know if my boyfriend has been unfaithful but I remember in the begging of our relationship when we weren’t official yet, his condoms disappeared. I never made a big deal out of that since we weren’t even official yet and too be honest I feel our relationship goes way beyond sex. I did try to mention this to him. That I would give him freedom to experience someone else if he wanted to, he shut me down completely and didn’t want to hear about it. He is more on the conservative.

Your thoughts are appreciated.

[Anonymous]

First of all you trying to justify this by saying your boyfriend’s condoms disappeared before you two were official has nothing to do w this. You two weren’t an item. You are now. So this is a no no. Sure it’s ok to fantasize about other people, but you’re entertaining this dude. Maybe you realize it maybe you don’t. But the fact that you didn’t tell him the second time. To put your foot down tells him you like it. You need to shut it down. Tell him you’re taken, that you’d appreciate it if he would stop as you love your man. But you didn’t. I get it you’re excited about someone new boosting your ego, liking you sexually, maybe something you haven’t felt in your current relationship for a while which tends to happen. But to me you’re treading a thin line here. You’re weak. What’s going to happen once you have an argument w your man about something, your feelings hurt, Mr. Fantastic steps in. Talks to you, consoles you, etc. Says let me take you out to get your mind off of this, so you go. Then what. Men know women are controlled mostly by their feelings, so he’s going to say what he needs to say to get to what he wants. A lot of times a woman has to be emotionally involved w a man to sleep w him, men don’t. So I think, even though they’re both wrong for cheating, it’s worse on s female’s end because she’s more than likely invested her feelings in him. Let’s say you did go w him, he got your legs up in the air. Then he moves on cause he was only after one thing. Then what? Tell your boyfriend?

[Asker]

I appreciate the time you gave me writing this, it was a very good piece of advice. You are right in many things you say. As far as my coworker, after the third time I told him no, he stopped trying to asked me out, but now he doesn’t speak to me at all and ignores me completely, like I don’t exist. Oh well. Thank you again for your time and words.

[RespectfulGuy]

You used the words "committed relationship".

How close would you compare it to a married relationship?

Is it merely the piece of paper? That your relationship with him is honorable and trustworthy where your "commitment" means commitment?

Or is it just another puff of hot air? As you both know, there is no legal consequence to break.

===

After you analyse the meaning of your "committed relationship" with him, you will know whether to continue entertaining your coworker.

At the end of the day, will your current boyfriend mind if you engage in harmless flirting with another man? Or he is also the insecure type that anything beyond business and work is unacceptable.

These are some questions you need to answer. In honesty and honor.

[IslaTheWitch]

The most important thing. Your sexy coworker can be just a hunter. When he gets you, he can lose his interest. And you will be alone with your consciousness.

If you can't believe in your strong will, just tell him "no". Phantasies are normal at every relationship stage, so just keep them. If you know you are strong, flirt with him and wait until he gives up because he is not getting what he wants.

But I wouldn't give up the good relationship for a moment of thrill.

[Asker]

thanks for your time and yes since our last interaction where I told him I couldn’t go out with him, he is being acting completely different towards me. Today he ignored me completely. I didn’t want to make things awkward but I guess he felt some type of way. I find him very attractive and sexy but at this point in my life I can’t risk a healthy relationship for a fling. Thank you again.

[Anonymous]

The whole bit about your boyfriend and the condoms at the end sounds like an excuse to justify if something were to happen with you and this guy, which I hope I’m wrong about. Simply put — it doesn’t matter how fantastic you think your man is, if your heart isn’t fully in it anymore or you have a wandering eye that you want to explore then break up with him. Better than making the mistake of cheating.

[Asker]

Thank you for your time and input.

[Angelo75]

Try spicing ur relationship up a bit by doing things like cosplay or so.

See if that helps.

[Asker]

Thank you and yes.. I will think of something 😁

[Luckycharms12]

It's okay ti dream but he doesn't care about you or your boyfriend he just wants sex

[Asker]

True. Thank you for your input.

[Luckycharms12]

No problem

[chrissykerdock]

maybe you have better chemistry with your co-worker

[Asker]

Not sure this is true but I appreciate your taking the time to write. Thank you.