Not too long ago me and girl (26) are long distance friends. Though just had big argument, we still stay connected but she found some online friends along the way. But she only trust 1 of them.
We still share laughs, text everyday. Goodmorning, goodnight, miss you, 💖you, and that stuff. We both do.
She has ig or tiktok stream where she talk with her online friends. But I see she rather pay attention to me little less due her not wanting them to know her personal business. Which I understand. Same time I don't. We hardly text each other due to time differences. Anyway. Today is spring festival where she hang out with family. And I'm sure she's hitting up Tom, dick, Harry, Lewis and George whom ever her new friends are. Posting this stuff on Insta ( haven't checked all assumptions) But I notice she texting me her every move. When she's leaving, while on the train, to say goodmorning, showing me her clothing choice, her food, where she's at, tells me shell te t me when she gets home, what she's doing, what going on so far.
I am numb to this idea cause I don't know if she's bored, using me, genuinely want to reach out or using me as place holder. Context: on her days off she sleep ( 12 hours or more) and do other stuff most of the day. Then when it's time for me to go to bed that's when she streams or hang out with her real friends or what ever then tells me about it.
So you see I'm cool with slowly getting to know her, but we text through out the day but with hour break every now and then.
On her off day we go for hours without texting, but she text-vlog her day when I'm sleep. What do you think?
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I won't judge you both telling you are getting used or played etc as I don't know whole situation or everything about you both people. But one thing I can surely say you both not don't have much connection type feelings in between you both. I don't know it was earlier or not but definitely it is no more existing between you both. And so now the level you both are at now, technically can't be called as a relationship but it's just a habitual contact type thing. Like you are in contact with each other just because of your habits but you don't feel much connection for each other. You lose interest in each other or at least she surely lost interest on you.
And no matter how hard you try to make this relationship regrow, rejuvenate but it's very little chance of it getting back but you may get tierd of trying so. And ofcourse it will be feel as if you are getting used and it's somewhat true also that you are getting used as now the interest is lost but now you are just backup for when she would feel bored of everything else. Because she knows you would be waiting for her, she knows all of her excuses are acceptable to you. And maybe you are also responsible for your this place making yourself always available for her as she says. And now even if you change, this attitude of hers isn't going to change for you. It may get change temporarily but won't sustain for long. Because that interest is lost now. She can't see you like important to hold and worthy to invest herself into or worthy of making any effort from her side.
I hear you. Seems you are right though. Today she was showing me everything on chinese TV, showing me her home town, showing me fire works, and everything. Then post video of her being little desperate saying. " hello everyone, don't for get to miss me." I'm like what the fuck? You mean her dm is dry fir her to be saying that? She also noticed I changed somethings on my profile on Instagram and wechat. Everytime I yell her goodnight, she just keep sending me pictures and videos and me with my stupid ass, I stay up to see what she want.
And more stuff happened.
I'm sure I did fucked it up but what do you suggest I do?
It's upto you to decide what you want? Do you want to try to make it ok? Do you want to have conversations with her about it? Do you want to complaint her about her actions and want to tell her how it's making you to feel or do you want to make distance from her yourself?
I had such similar kind situation once. I fought so many times I tried to make it ok. I told him all about how I'm feeling and he used to tell because he is now more busy. It took me almost a year to finally decide to accept it that it's not going to change and so to distance myself. But still after that I used to miss earlier connection a lot. It wasn't easy for me.
But still it's your relationship you know better what you feel right to do for yourself? Do you want to try to make it ok or do you think it's not going to change? And if it's not going to change then are you ok being like this or you want to move ahead?
But one thing you can do for now. You can concentrate on yourself more than waiting for her. Make yourself a routine and follow it. Once in a while you can check that did she message you or is she available and you can talk. If not then you can continue with your routine.
Its really hard to answer this question as she's an aquarius. They typically prioritize friendship anyway. I don't see myself putting a ring it as she is emotonally immature.
- do I want to make it okay? Well it's okay now as our conversation are surface level. I'm a deep thinking, introverted guy. Talking about food, her job, gossip is not my cup of tea. When share information about myself. I just like, a oh wow. Nothing more from her.
- nothing will change. I know it. Cause while we was arguing I told her we have nothing in common, we hardly video chat and we hardly know each other. She going ask what do I like and dislike? 🤦♂️ bish. She put in more effort when I threaten to leave.
- I want to move ahead. I really do but something in me just can't let her go.
I'll take a deeper look at situation and decide. Thanks a lot. This will help me a lot.
yes seems like being used to me
What do you think I should do in this situation?
distance urself for the best
Been down that path. Don't know how I got attached. I going the the let them theory, and detach. So far I thought she would message me this much since she's on vacation. But when she get back I'm not going be as much into to her as I used to. Admittedly I have distance myself cause 90% of conversations be one sided and about her some of the times.
Rule 36: If you feel like you are being played, You probably are.