Confuse about this relationshio with a girl?

[Anonymous]

hi i have been dating with this girl for about 4 months , i ask her what she wants with me, i am open to anykin of relationship, so i ask her what she wants, she told me that she can't tell me yet/ she does not know yet. I like her even pay do the stuff on the dates and sometime she pay the whole date, that unusual on a girl, but im confused, is this a red flag?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that is a bit of a weird situation. After 4 months together you'd think she'd have a better idea of what she wants. A few things could be going on:

1. She may actually be confused about her feelings for you and doesn't want to commit to something serious yet in case her feelings change. Some girls aren't great at knowing what they want.

2. Possibly she's keeping you around as an option while she considers other guys too. Not saying that's definitely it, but open relationships make it easy to play the field.

3. It could be she's scared of commitment after past relationships ended badly. Might take her longer to fully open up emotionally.

My advice would be to have an honest talk with her. Let her know you really like her and are ready for an exclusive relationship, but you need to know where you stand so you're not wasting your time. If after that she's still unsure, you may want to consider moving on man. No point dragging it out and waiting around forever for her to decide.

Also don't just rely on her for dates - keep your options open too by hanging with your boys and meeting new girls. That'll take the pressure off her making a choice and help you not get too invested if it ends up not working out. Hope this helps bro, let me know how it goes!

[Asker]

I forgot a detail she end his 7 years realation ship last year, i though the Same she may be not ready but why she just tell me that instead of i don't know

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that extra context about her getting out of a 7-year relationship last year changes things a bit. I can see why she might still be hesitant to fully commit again so soon.

If I were you, I'd try feeling her out gently on that. Maybe next time you're hanging out, you could bring up how she's mentioned not being sure what she wants yet, then say something like "Is there more to it? Like are you still working through stuff from your last relationship?"

Approach it from a place of caring/understanding, not like you're interrogating her. She might open up about still having some lingering trust issues or fears about getting hurt again. That would explain the "I don't know" better than she's just not that into you, know what I mean?

I'd say give her space to share as much or little as she's comfortable with. Reassure her you like her for who she is now and aren't trying to rush anything serious. With time and patience, hopefully she'll feel secure enough to let her guard down more with you. Keep showing her you're different from the last dude too. You've got this man!

[_Maya_]

Are you referring to what sorta relationship that she wants? If that is the case then she may just not be ready to commit for some reason. Honestly depending on the number of dates you have been on over four months that is quite a long time to still be unsure what she wants to get out of dating. I would think by then she either is down for a serious relationship or moves on. While I may not call this a red flag... it isn't a good sign. She sounds indecisive almost like she is seeing if something better might come along. Honestly it is up to you if you want to wait longer for her or not. Personally I would not but that's just me.

[Asker]

I forgot a detail she end his 7 years realation ship last year, i though the Same she may be not ready but why she just tell me that instead of i don't know

[_Maya_]

Oh okay. Then maybe she is afraid or not wanting to commit so soon after getting out of a really long relationship.

[AngryCarl]

It doesn't sound like either of you know what you want.

[Asker]

Why you say that