I have a crush on a coworker, but I can't have her for lots of reasons?

[Anonymous]

I have a crush on a coworker, but I can't have her for lots of reasons

1. She's a coworker, and I don't date coworkers.

2. She has grown children working at the same place but we all work in different departments.

3. she signed my birthday card a few months back.

4. She does say hi a lot when she walks by or comes in when she sees me.

5. She does get quiet or looks nervous when I'm close to her.

6. She knows I'm vulnerable because my previous relationship with someone didn't work out.

7. She possibly likes how I boss my coworkers around in my department.

8. I'm not 100% sure, but when I'm around her, i sense or feel some familiar traits.

Updates

+1 y

She don't like me. If she did, I would know very quickly

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang man, this is definitely a tricky situation with your coworker crush. On the one hand, there does seem like there could be some mutual interest based on how you described her actions. But you're right that there are a ton of reasons why it probably wouldn't be smart to pursue anything either. Some thoughts:

- Don't shit where you eat is the golden rule, so dating a coworker is always risky if things went south.

- Having family also working there makes it an even smaller workplace and drama could spread fast.

- Signing your card was probably just being polite, but could also have been hinting at something more? Hard to know for sure.

- The nervous actions when you're around do sound flirty, but she may just be shy too.

- You being newly single is probably why you're extra drawn to any female attention right now too.

I'd say keep things friendly and professional for sure. Don't make a move or do anything that could cause drama. But you could try subtly flirting to test the waters more subtly too. Like smile a little extra when you see her or find excuses to chat her up. See how she reacts before crossing any major boundaries though bro! Let me know if you get any other vibes from her.

[Asker]

She has also been coming to work on her days off too when I'm working. My coworkers could possibly been calling her and letting her know I'm there right now. So I'm not sure if my workplace are trying to hook us up. She also saids my name every time she sees me

Like hi, Anonymous. Or you too, Anonymous.

Its possible, My newly single status could be sending out an aura that drawing people out to me.

My plan was to heal from breakup and have no sex until after the 3 month mark. Because I don't want rebound sex. I no longer have feelings from my new ex from ton of actions she did

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's weird that she's been coming in on her days off when you're there. That part does make me think maybe she's actually interested in you. And your coworkers keep letting her know you're around... definitely sounds like they might be trying to play matchmaker!

Saying hi with your name each time does seem kinda flirty too. Could be a good sign. And I've heard sometimes after a breakup people do give off a vibe that unintentionally draws others in.

Waiting the 3 months before dating again is probably smart. Rebound situations rarely end well. And it's good you've moved on from the ex if she messed up - you don't wanna drag that baggage into anything new.

I'd say keep an eye out for more signals from this coworker. Keep chatting her up casually when you see her come in. Maybe ask her out for coffee sometime if the vibe seems right. Just be cool about it since you work together. But sounds like there could really be something there worth exploring once you're properly over the ex. Keep me posted on what happens!

[Asker]

My coworkers could be playing matchmaker... those don't end too well. I'll keep a look out on more signs and keep my cool

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah dude, coworkers trying to play matchmaker never ends good. They just end up making things super awkward.

I'd say just try hanging out with her a bit more casual, outside of work if you can. Get a feel for if she seems actually into you, or if she's just being friendly. The last thing you need is relationship drama at the job, you know?

Maybe ask her to grab lunch together sometime, or invite her to hang if you're doing something fun on the weekend. Get a sense of the vibes without any pressure. And definitely don't let your coworkers meddle - keep things on the down low.

If you guys click, cool. But if not, at least you didn't make it a big thing at work. Just take it slow and feel it out. No need to rush into anything yet. You got this bro!

[Asker]

At my workplace, I do have some coworkers who are couples to each other.

[Asker]

I accidentally sent the last message.

I do work with one of her sons. He seems to like me, not romantically, because we both like computers. I thought about hanging out with him instead and show him the ropes on
computers. He has my number. Her son could also be watching from I Say, and I have been really careful about what I say.

My coworker crush is single! I know her friends and the possible suspects who could be hooking me up with her if they actually doing matchmaking.

She could also be worried or shy coming up to me because she probably doesn't want things to go awkward too and being a single mother.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah I see, so some coworker relationships have worked out alright there before. And yeah, hanging out with her son could be a good low-pressure way to get to know her through him. Guys bonding over computers is totally normal, no rumors could start from that. Dude seems cool if he likes you already too.

Knowing she's single and probably shy about approaching you makes total sense. Being a single mom can't be easy to date either. I'd say keep doing your thing, let her son be your "in" casually, and see how it goes. No need to force anything yet. If you get a chance to talk to the coworkers who might be playing matchmaker, maybe you can subtly get their take on if she could actually be receptive before making any moves yourself. They'd know her best. But yeah, let things flow naturally for now seems like the safest bet. Good luck man!

[_Maya_]

Well some of those reasons are not really reasons to not want to be with her. The really important one that you did hit on was that you don't date coworkers. Good for you on that account. Never a good idea and I have seen it go wrong so many times. Things get super awkward when there is a fight or problem and people can sense it. So good idea not dating people you work with. I also get some of the other reasons that you list. My question is what is the question? What should you do? If that is the question the answer is don't date her. She isn't right for you and you know it. You literally list all the reasons it isn't a good fit. Give it time and you will move on.

[Asker]

It's not the 1st time I had a coworker who liked me. The 1st one years ago liked me, but after the rejection, she started dating her kids' biological father again