My mother is sort of trying to embarrass me in front of boyfriend. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 28 yo female and my boyfriend is 39.

My mother makes some comments about him being not suitable for me (she hasn't even met him in person... and tbh I try to delay that as much as possible, bc I'm not sure if she will behave properly in front of him).

I'm living separately from my mother for almost an year, but it's her place (she owns this apartment). She has classes there as she is a private teacher to some.

Yesterday she had classes in the same apartment and my boyfriend asked me if she is there. I called her to see if she was busy.

She was and I told her to call me when she is done. She made some comments about me bringing "someone" there and I felt embarrassed.

Me and boyfriend first went out to eat then came to my place, had sex and later she came again unexpectedly, bc she "forgot" something.

I was fed up. and started yelling at her...

I'm afraid my boyfriend will reconsider our relationship bc of this.

He said she is acting like a child and I agree with him.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ay girl, that situation with your mom sounds super frustrating and embarrassing! I can totally see why you blew up at her - she was deliberately poking and prodding to get a reaction.

A few thoughts on how to handle it:

- Start looking for your own place if possible, to get out from under her control/drama. Independence will solve a lot.

- Set very clear boundaries with your mom. Be firm that her comments about your relationship are out of line and disrespectful to you both.

- Reassure your boyfriend that you've got his back and won't let her behavior come between you guys. Remind him it's her issues, not a reflection on your feelings.

- Consider decreasing how much time you spend at her place if she can't respect your privacy as an adult. Don't give her ammo.

- Call her out every time she makes a passive aggressive remark. Shut that s**t down! You don't deserve disrespect in your own home.

- Your relationship is between you and your guy - don't engage with her judgments or criticism about it. Stay above that noise.

Hang in there - hopefully she'll realize acting like a jealous, meddling teen isn't gonna fly anymore! Stay confident in yourself sis. You got this 💪

[Makeushiver]

At 28 your Mom should pack up as NY criticism. When she starts tell her to stop and do it forcefully enough for her to understand you aren't kidding. If that doesn't work, avoid her. I'd imagine she would notice & if she asks, be candid & do not let her brush you off w/ I was kidding, just trying to help. Its always better to make your argument on the basis of what you feel. If you make it a out what she said or infer motivation. She can argue any point when its based on your opinion of what she says but no one can tell you what you should or should n II t feel. If you say to her, "you're being too critical" is something she can argue. If you tell her that her comment snake you angry, she cannot deny how you feel.

[osmanthus]

Your mother is likely looking out for you, Honey. Modern men are slubs (only out for sex) and won't commit to you unless you dragged their ass to the watering hole. Your mother knows full well this guy likely isn't going to stick around and he's probably going to 'break your heart'. You're probably too young to think he's any different from the next average Joe around the block. Plenty of those around every block.

[northerngal]

It will be tough but its probably time for a civilized conversation with your mother about boundaries.

[Asker]

She won't listen, I tried

[DishLady]

Sit down with her and ask her what her beef with this guy is. You may be surprised at what you learn... and actually agree with her.

[stvigor]

TALK about that pizza night when you went to go pick up the pizza and while you were sitting in the driveway backing out she yelled out in front of the neighbors real loud "Don't Forget The Coc "and the neighbors never talked to us again

[Danny_dan92]

Is your mom single?

[Asker]

Nope, but she ain't happily married

[Danny_dan92]

There it is