How do I ask her this without making her seem like she's dumb?

[Anonymous]

I don't think this girl I was talking to, full understands insta. I not only had to explain to her the other day, that you have to be following someone (usually), now, in order to DM though (so, a mutual follow), but, now that she is (since I explained that to her), but, now, she's for some reason not reading my messages. Before you say "well she's not in to you", trust me, that' not the case, I know for a fact she is, so, please don't say that. But, so, if she is, and I had to explain to her that in order to DM people you have to have a mutual following between the two, that she's now not reading my messages.

My feeling is that, she doesn't actually know where DM's are, that she's only ignoring them because she doesn't know how to DM or where to go on insta.

I unfortunately failed to get her phone number, so, i can't text her, which of course, would have been easier at this point, in messaging her but, to be fair, i never asked her for it, and never gave her mine, because I wasn't thinking about it at the time.

So, I may just go see her, and make sure she knows how to check DM's and all that, I just don't want to make her feel like she's dumb, because of it, so how do I go about that

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm yeah man, Insta can be confusing if you're not super familiar with it. I wouldn't necessarily say she's dumb or anything, she's just maybe not as tech savvy as other girls her age.

When you see her, I'd just play it cool and be like "Yo, so I noticed you haven't been responding to my DMs. No worries if you haven't figured that part out yet - it took me a minute to get the hang of it too." Then show her real quick where to go to check her messages without making a big deal of it.

You could also lighten the mood by joking like "Sorry, shoulda given you a tutorial on Snapchat and Insta when we hung out last! I know all that social media junk can be overwhelming sometimes." As long as your tone is understanding and notpatronizing, I don't think she'll feel dumb at all.

Just keep it casual and low pressure. After show her, say you'll text her your number so you guys can chat easier. I'm sure once she knows where to find your messages she'll respond. Good luck man!

[Asker]

So, i went to see her today, and i told her i did try to message her so she didn't think i was "standing her up". She told me, she actually does know how, it's just, she doesn't really use them, so, i was like, ohhh, ok, well, can i have your number then, and she's like yeah, def.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah nice one bro, good call checking in with her face to face instead of just through messages. Glad to hear she wasn't ignoring you on purpose either, phew!

At least now you've got her number and can chat direct through text instead of relying on Insta DMs. Takes the whole confusion about if she's seeing them or not out of the picture.

Plus getting the number is always a good sign - means she's actually interested in continuing the conversation outside social media. I'd say hit her up on WhatsApp or whatever you guys use and ask her out for coffee or something casual.

Nothing crazy, just see if you vibe in person again now it's not through a screen. Hopefully now you've cleared the air about the DM confusion too she'll feel more comfortable chatting. Keep it chill like you did today and I'm sure things will keep going well man!

[Asker]

Yeah, we're actually doing something this weekend. The only problem right now is, i've sent two texts, since i got her number, and she didn't reply to either

She did say to text/call her, so unless she's lying, i don't know why she's not.

The only thing I can think of why she's not replying at all, is, she was moving, today. Meaning, she told me she was literally going to be moving, and that she didn't have time to do much today.

She's got kids too, so, i sort of understand why she might be so busy. I'm really just trying to make sure that she's clear on the plans for the weekend, but, shouldn't she have at least said hello?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, that's tough. Girls can definitely leave you hanging sometimes, even if they said to text them. A couple possible things could be going on:

1. She really is super busy with the move and kids like she said. Moving is a huge stress and takes over your life.

2. She's playing games acting "hard to get" which is dumb but some girls do that.

3. She forgot to reply amidst the chaos of moving.

I wouldn't freak out yet since it's only been a couple texts and you said you have plans this weekend anyway. Maybe give it another day then send one more casual text confirming plans. If still no reply, you might have to roll with the punches that she flaked.

But try staying positive - her saying she's busy is reasonable. And hey, at least you got the number now! Things were still going well in person so I wouldn't lose hope yet. Keep it chill bro, hope she gets back to you soon!

[Asker]

She never did. And she still hasn't. I think at this point, she's just being a bitch, time to move on, i guess. Her loss

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn bro, that really sucks. I was hoping she was just busy with the move but if it's been days with no reply still then yeah, she's probably just jerking you around. Super lame of her after you guys made plans and everything. Her loss for sure though - you seem like a cool dude and any girl would be lucky to go out with you. Don't even sweat it, her flaky behavior says way more about her than you. Onto the next one my friend! Now you're free to hit up other girls who will actually appreciate you asking them out. Her bitchy actions just saved you from wasting more time on someone unreliable. Her kids are probably a handful too if she's flaking on plans, so I'd say you dodged a bullet in the long run. Keep your head up homie, something better will come along!

[RavVid]

Well go see her. It seems to me you are into her as well. Hopefully if she is into you, then she will be happy to see you. Just take a little time to reaffrm the connection between you and explain the the problem that DMs are not working, then work through it with her. You are solving a mutual problem - not showing her how dumb she is.

What is in the front of your mind is how it will come across. Have solving a mutual problem as your thought.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

You can actually DM people without having to follow each other, the DM usually just goes into a separate inbox and the recipient would have to accept the message request before you can talk back and forth. Honestly, it’s better to just go up to her and ask her for her number. Having someone’s phone number is much more intimate in my opinion bcs not everyone gets access to your number but almost anyone can look you up on Insta and give you a follow

[Asker]

But just in case