Why is it so normalised for men to pay for other women?

[chocolatetwopointo]

Updates

1 y

”why is it so normalised for men to pay for women in most cases?” if thats easier to understand

[MisterWack]

Back in the day, the man worked & was the ‘man of the house’. Back in the 50s you couldn’t buy on credit without a husband’s signature, just a little reminder of how far we’ve progressed.

The fact is that, men go on multiple dates per week and should be normalized that they can pay for their meal & the woman can pay for hers. After a few weeks that adds up with unsuccessful dates, so not only is the man dealing with emotional damage & conflicting feelings & feeling hopeless / sad / anxious / depressed…. He also feels he wasted his time and money on the date. We need to normalize women paying their own meal and normalize men thinking they should be paying for the meal when it is not needed.

[chocolatetwopointo]

well its not the 50s anymore. thats literally what im saying

[MisterWack]

@chocolatetwopointo Do people read what I type anymore? Let me give you a cliff notes version:
“ just a little reminder of how far we’ve progressed.”
“ The fact is that, men go on multiple dates per week and should be normalized that they can pay for their meal & the woman can pay for hers. After a few weeks that adds up with unsuccessful dates, so not only is the man dealing with emotional damage & conflicting feelings & feeling hopeless / sad / anxious / depressed…. He also feels he wasted his time and money on the date. We need to normalize women paying their own meal and normalize men thinking they should be paying for the meal when it is not needed.”

Okay, better?

[chocolatetwopointo]

then what was the point of writing it lmfao, you could simply word that into like a few sentances

[MisterWack]

@chocolatetwopointo Word of advice for the ignorant: Click “Continue reading ⬇️” to actually read what the person wrote and if you don’t like reading answers Don’t Ask.

[chocolatetwopointo]

or js dont write an essay. nobodys reading allat

[MisterWack]

Wow! Clearly! And by nobody I mean… You.

I guess I’ll just type “yes princess” or “no princess” to get a summarized version out of me either way and call it a day. Have a fun weekend and try to read Of Mice And Men not The Hungry Caterpillar.

[chocolatetwopointo]

or js write normally? seems like i touched a nerve

[shades777]

I read all that, quit your crying lady and listen

[MisterWack]

@shades777 🤣

[chocolatetwopointo]

@shades777 ok do i gaf? and im 16 and not a lady js saying

[shades777]

You will be soon kiddo

[ohsheeT]

A lot of guys are going to disagree with this but I don't care if I ask a girl out if I'm doing something with the girl I'm going to pay for it I don't care what it is what we're doing I'm going to pay for it I'm the one that asked her out..

There's a lot of guys I don't know if it's because they don't have a job or what but they think the girls should pay half if that's the deal that they make with that girl more power to them I guess but if I ask a girl out I'm paying for it

[chocolatetwopointo]

ok but why? and what if she wants to do 50/50? its an ick when men dont accept 50/50 it shows u wanna lead her instead of her taking her own responsebility.
yeah 50/50 is a great thing, and they should have equal power, its a relationship not a competition. and if she asks u out?

[ohsheeT]

Well I have accepted 50/50 before. And to be honest with you I don't even think about it when the check comes I just pay for it.
If the girl says she wants to pay 50/50 I'll look at her and kind of smile. Because the waiter has already walked away and I will just say well why don't you just leave a tip
but if a girl insist on paying for hers. I will smile and say okay because I have learned. There are some girls just feel the need to do so and I accept that...

For me that's why I work is to have money to do the things that I want to do when I want to do them if I'm asking a girl out that means I really like her and if I really like her I want to show that I can take care of her that's the reason why I pay

And I understand that I respect what you're saying because you are right it just depends on all of the situation on what's going on but I don't even think about it when the way to brings the bill I hand in the cash I don't think about if a girl wants to pay her half or not it's just old school I guess

[ohsheeT]

Yeah and if she asked me out I would do the same thing it's just second nature to just pay for it

And to be really honest with you too I don't even like dating I would rather do something spontaneous and things just happen
For me dating is just awkward I think dating for me is when I'm in a relationship and we go on a date.

But if a girl did ask me to go out some place I would still just pay for it it's just second hand second nature I guess and if she wanted to pay for it I would say fine I've learned not to argue or even worry about it anything like that anymore

[chocolatetwopointo]

why dont u ask them to do 50/50? why would you need to take care of her? and paying for a meal doesn't prove that. well u can change that, all up to u and her maturity level.

[chocolatetwopointo]

dont b scared to argue, if she can't even pay for her own meal she's nothing to have, and u can ask her before hand too by the way

[ohsheeT]

No I'm not scared I think what I was trying to say is that there was a movement the guys were pissy about having to pay for girl's meal but I'm trying to say is that if I like a girl I'm going to go out with her and I'm going to pay that's all I don't see what the big deal is if I want to pay I don't see what the big deal is if she wants to pay it's part of life and you both have to work yourself through it without it being such a big drama deal to me it doesn't matter

I look at life like this if I'm going out with somebody if I'm with somebody if I have a girlfriend or if I'm married you cannot control anybody you have to let them be themselves and that's called communications and it all works itself out if a girl wants to do something she can do it and I respect that it's just not one of those things did I even concern myself with I don't even think about it really it is what it is in that moment if I pay and she gets upset about it well she can pay next time it's not that big of a deal

[LeatherDame]

It’s a cultural thing in the Anglo world. A first date is about first impressions and generosity is one of the green flags most women are looking for, so offering to pay is a common way to show that you are generous in the context of a first date.


Nowadays it’s also good to be aware that she is likely to offer to pay for her own half and that it’s still ok to offer to pay but men should also respect when women want to pay/pay their own half of the meal or dates.


And no, paying for a date doesn’t guarantee any particular level of physical intimacy unless that was the explicit agreement before the date started.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

If we’re speaking in terms of exchanging goods for services, prostitution is the oldest job in the world.


Women have the deciding power in sex, meaning women aren’t desperate enough to have sex with any man that will say yes, they’re not fighting for male approval, men are usually fighting for female approval. Because of that, some women learned about the power that comes with it, and decided to use it to make money, so it became an established norm across cultures around the world.

[Adel50]

Now, women who are desperate for money use prostitution as a means.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yeah, that’s how jobs work

[Adel50]

A job doesn't have to be out of desperation. Usually prostitution is used by desperate women without any useful skills.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I don't know about you, but if I had a choice between having a job or not having one, I would not have one but because I need money to live and the only way I get money regularly is by having a job, I have a job. If I didn’t have a job, I would die of either starvation, thirst, or some various horror that exists in homelessness. That’s desperate right there.

[Adel50]

I said it doesn't have to be. There are many people living a reasonable life without a job. You just happen to be one of those who require having a job.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Everyone in a capitalist society requires a job to survive.

[Adel50]

Not necessarily.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I’m not changing my mind just because you don’t like my opinion

[Adel50]

And it remains what it is: an opinion. Some people live on welfare, donations, and financial support from family members without the need to work, and they are doing relatively well.

[foxsquirrell]

We used to be hunters since prehistoric times. Back then men hunted and provided for the weaker sex. (Weaker in physical strength) And for millennia it was always a patriarchal family structure. It was always the responsibility of men to provide for the family as was before in prehistoric times! You can't change such a long history in such a short amount of time with things like equal rights. The fact remains that our nature is not what these man-made laws seem to suggest. It is both genetic and psychological ingrained in men to feel that they should pay for the woman, and women to expect and accept from a man.

[chocolatetwopointo]

well its 2024, no?

[foxsquirrell]

I think you missed the central idea of my whole argument!

[chocolatetwopointo]

nope, being hunters doesn't mean u need to buy a girlfriend

[foxsquirrell]

You are a waste of time. Goodbye.

[chocolatetwopointo]

lmao💀

[avacodo13]

Not all guys offer to pay, but to woman it shows them that the man is financially stable, and is a gentleman. Some people prefer to have relationships without this, 50/50 and so on, but some woman feel the need to pay, but some men might think offering a 50/50 is kind of telling them “I don’t think you’re financially stable to pay for my meal AND yours.” Kinda challenging the dynamic if you know what I mean.

I’m not dating anyone but I have a guy best friend who pays for my coffee if I didn’t bring money, I’ll offer, and he’s decline telling me it’s fine. Girls like guys who are gentlemen.

[chocolatetwopointo]

that makes no sense? why should he have to be rich? she's not a princess is she? in my opinion i like gentlemen who care ab their own money and doesn't spend it all on me, then he's js basically buying me

[Anonymous]

That is a traditional gender role that hasn't died along with other traditional gender roles because women won't allow it to. Men know that most women expect a man to pay, and they will judge him if he lets her pay her share, so they won't risk it.

Personally, I use it as a shit test for women I date. If on a first date a woman doesn't offer to pay part of the bill, I'll pay without protesting, but she won't get a second date with me. If she offers to pay half the bill, I let her, and if she judges me for it and doesn't what a second date, she's done me a favor by showing her true colors so I don't have to waste anymore time and money on her.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Because that is how they made it in the past. We stay home and watch the kid while they went out to work. We were not allowed to work they were the breadwinners. That dynamic is still very common although now everyone can work. It is up to the couple how they do it.

[chocolatetwopointo]

yeah well its 2024, not the 50s, why is it still a thing?

[Ms_Facesitter]

Some tradition or culture can be difficult to change to some people. And others don't care about tradition but abuse it. There are women who just want a free meal out of the guy and are not interested in dating.

[Potteplante]

Because our current normal, values, morals - everything around us, has roots in the past. A past where women weren't allowed to earn their own money and if they did - they weren't exactly going on dates since that meant they were lower class, trying to get by with shit.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I've wondered this my entire life... it's a good question.

Like the who should pay on first date questions... or how I first perceived the question, why do I pay the hooker, when she should be paying me?

[ClassicDropout]

Men are protectors and providers. At least we are according to our ancestors. I don't see a real reason why we still do this today since everyone can work and make a living the same. But it's not going to change because we get flamed and ostracized for not wanting to pay. The strong majority will still find it to be the man's responsibility to pay for everything. That's just how it is.

[ProbablyClueless]

That's a social relic from the not-so-distant past. Women simply didn't have money

[chocolatetwopointo]

well now we do, so why is it a thing now?

[ProbablyClueless]

It's a social instinct thing. People's minds have been conditioned to think a certain way by default. Even though times have changed, people's brains still need a moment to change that default setting.

[chocolatetwopointo]

well not everyone was born in the 1950s

[ProbablyClueless]

Oh no, you've gotta think much more recently than the 50s; early 2000s at earliest. "The man pays" was drilled into my head by the culture from childhood, and I was born in 1993. Figure that I would have been 6 or 7 before I'd even noticed girls. Right off the bat, everything about culture and my community was telling me how it's the man's job to impress the woman and how he has to treat her right.

Heck, you'll still hear about some of that stuff in the early 2010s, where female celebs would talk about guys doting on them and making sweet gestures to impress them.

[chocolatetwopointo]

its not really that hard to js stop tho?

[ProbablyClueless]

It is if you've spent your entire life doing and thinking about things a certain way. It's same kind of thing as when an addict is trying to kick a habit. The men have spent their entire lives being told they have to do things a certain way. The women have spent their entire lives being told to expect that things will be done that way.

[chocolatetwopointo]

yeah no, i was also told that as a kid. and i hate when people pay for me and i will always pay back the money

[ProbablyClueless]

I think a lot of women like to reap the benefits of men paying for things! lol

[chocolatetwopointo]

only desperate and poor ones. never date those

[Alwayreckles93]

Ok but yet you millennial guys put mommy And your side of the family first before your girlfriend or wife! Is it really that much to ask you millennials guys to spend 24/7 of the time with your girlfriend or wife?

[ProbablyClueless]

@Alwayreckles93 I guess it would depend on the specific situation you're referring to.

[Ariesman81]

Why not? They make me feel good.

[LiamJHayden]

The average woman is subject to far more demand than the average guy, so she can be more selective and have more requirements. If two roughly equal guys ask her out to the same restaurant or event, with one offering to pay and the other wanting to split the bill, why wouldn't she say "Yes." to the one who is willing to pay?

[jahaims]

Because there used to be an exchange while courting. You show that you can be a provider and protector while she shows she can be your peace and a nurturing mother to your kids. Now that traditional roles aren't filled it makes no sense for the man to pay.

[AviatorTom]

Traditionally, men are the bread-winners, while women stay at home as homemakers and child rearers. That makes sense for men to always pay.

Times have changed for many, but traditions are hard to break.

[chocolatetwopointo]

loads of traditions are broken tho, like women only being mothers and housewives

[xcheerleader_jessx]

I think (bc I didn't live back then) it was seen as the man taking charge as it was the norm. It's a leadership role and you rarely saw women in such roles.

[chocolatetwopointo]

well its not the 50s anymore

[xcheerleader_jessx]

I don't think it is where i live.

[chocolatetwopointo]

ok? so why is it still a thing.

[xcheerleader_jessx]

I don't know, ask the people where you live

[chocolatetwopointo]

onfg if u dont know why the fuck did u respond? and its not even a thing in sweden.

[xcheerleader_jessx]

I responded with an answer. That wasn't sufficient for you. Deal with it. Thanks for the XP

[chocolatetwopointo]

but it wasn't an answer tho?

[crunchytaco]

Because it always has been. No to long ago, it was rare for women to have jobs and make their own money, so guys would have to pay for everything anyway. I guess this just stuck around. Also, I don't like spending my money anyway, so it's nice to get treated like a princess.

[WhitneySnow]

Because a long time ago men used to make all the money. And even today guys are usually the ones to ask the girl out (at least in my experience).

[Gwendoline]

Often it's a demonstration that if she was to marry and bear his children that he could take care of them.

[shades777]

I think women will pay when they want to impress the man. I've had women pay my way a few times, and I took FULL advantage too, far too often I'm the one footing the bill

[chocolatetwopointo]

ok then ask for 50/50?

[DrPepper12]

Because most male prostitutes cater to gay men?

[chocolatetwopointo]

what?

[Petermorgan343434]

Other women? Fuck no! I’ll pay for myself, and my woman. Other women can pay for themself in a group outing.

[chocolatetwopointo]

why do u refer to ur girlfriend as ”ur woman” and why would u pay for her?

[michalpl00]

It’s just how it is men are providers and that’s what a real gentleman does. I will give my future girl the princess treatment.

[chocolatetwopointo]

why? its not the 1950s

[michalpl00]

It my form of love. But I won’t give it to anybody. Like If I know I am going to marry her. It is evolution i think. I just have an intense desire to provide and protect. To take charge so my family has roof over the head, so my children get food. This is traditional gender roles. Masculine man and feminine women. I am attracted to feminine women. I don’t like dominating women. I want her to be my peace. So people are different of course for example. A feminine man and masculine woman will work. Clearly you don’t prefer traditional stuff that’s okay, there is someone compatible for everyone.

[Gerard567890]

This world has become more and more digital, with less and less direct human to human interaction to form meaningful relationships (ie., not based on $$$).

[Anonymous]

men should only pay for traditional women

modern women can pay for themselves

[chocolatetwopointo]

okay, r u a traditional man?

[Opinion Owner]

yes I am. all men are traditional to some degree unless you're leeching off welfare benefits

[chocolatetwopointo]

well a traditional man needs to make at least 6 figures to support a whole family on his own, its rare nowadays and men get mad if a traditional woman wants it bc its ”unrealistic”

[Opinion Owner]

no man is mad if a traditional woman wants a 6 figure man. modern women want this too with nothing to offer in return

[chocolatetwopointo]

what should they offer? they usually end up being a housewife + full time job anyways

[Opinion Owner]

modern women are anything but housewives. more like career women by day and whores by night

can't cook, can't clean, would rather abort than raise kids, feminist attitude and emotional baggage from being ran through by every Tom, Dick, Harry, Chad and Tyrone

[chocolatetwopointo]

but its okay if a man works and is a man whore by night? basically everyone can clean and cook lmfao unless they had chefs and maids as a kid. yeah kids r expensive and kids suck tbh. what is feminist attitude? okay so every feminist is now getting ran through? but if a man sleeps with two women in one night, there's nothing wrong with that?💀

[Opinion Owner]

apparently women are rewarding those type of men with sex. whether it's ok or not those men are being rewarded with what women are gatekeeping. men are not rewarding those women with relationships those which they're gatekeeping

sure there's something "wrong" but nothing any of us can do about it. good luck telling women to stop sleeping with Leonardo Di Caprio but there's plenty of men who'll never wife up a pornstar

[chocolatetwopointo]

so men can't reward women with sex? and im asking if YOU see anything wrong with that. Leo was only hot in the 90s by the way. there's loads of men who r simps and marry pornstars💀

[Opinion Owner]

men use women for sex not the other way around. men are the ones doing the fucking. women are the ones getting fucked.

the type of simps who marry pornstars are a very few and those marriages all end in divorce. other simps are too broke for any woman

[chocolatetwopointo]

but women are in the wrong smh?💀 ok and? not everyone wants to married either yk

[Opinion Owner]

then why did you ask this question to begin with?

[chocolatetwopointo]

bc i wanted to know? tf?

[Opinion Owner]

obviously you don't because you won't listen

[chocolatetwopointo]

i do tho? y'all r js fkn hypocritical

[Opinion Owner]

where's the hypocrisy?

[chocolatetwopointo]

right here.

[Opinion Owner]

right where? I'll give you a hint. there is none

[chocolatetwopointo]

you’re being hypocritical

[Opinion Owner]

again where's the hypocrisy?

[chocolatetwopointo]

right here, reread this convo, if u can't find it it might aswell be over for you

[Opinion Owner]

I reread it already. I just want you to point it out

[chocolatetwopointo]

its pretty obvious, so ill let you figure that out urself

[Opinion Owner]

do you mean the hypocrisy for men to pay for women?

[chocolatetwopointo]

one of them

[Opinion Owner]

yeah very hypocritical for men to pay for women and not women pay for men, amirite?

[chocolatetwopointo]

sure if u say so

[Caitlyn98]

I honestly feel a little insulted and patronized if a man doesn't even ask me if it's okay for me to pay. Especially if he doesn't know if or if not I earn more than him.

[question_asker]

Honestly it makes me feel good. I want her to enjoy herself and not worry about money for a night

[chocolatetwopointo]

is she a child? its life, and why should u have to worry ab money?

[question_asker]

I'm willing to spend more if it makes her night. I want her to feel cared for and like she can trust me

[chocolatetwopointo]

does she do the same to u?

[question_asker]

I don't need her to

[chocolatetwopointo]

why? does she not have money?

[Agape93]

No idea, that's on them

[CarolinaGirl5]

Who raised you? A single mom? Lol

[chocolatetwopointo]

no? my parents r together, whats ur point?

[CarolinaGirl5]

Then why are you asking such an idiotic question? If you have both your parents why don't you know this? Does your dad treat your mom like crap or something?

[CarolinaGirl5]

I think you are either a lesbian or raised by a single mom

[chocolatetwopointo]

what? how is this an idiotic question? ok so js bc i dont wanna be a desperate whore like u means im lesbian or raised by a single mom? not every single woman is poor and wants to be under control yk.

[chocolatetwopointo]

why are u a desperate sexist pick me? dont u have a dad? (wonder why..)

[LiamS95]

Wgat do you mean by other women?

[chocolatetwopointo]

women?

[LiamS95]

So do you mean on a date?

[chocolatetwopointo]

anywhere

[LiamS95]

Cause other women implies that I'm cheating on my woman.

[chocolatetwopointo]

ok well i meant women

[LiamS95]

It's a man's responsibility to treat a woman right and pay for her.

[chocolatetwopointo]

why? can't she pay herself?

[alice55]

Tradition

[chocolatetwopointo]

yeah in the 50s

[noohair]

Pay for what?

[chocolatetwopointo]

everything

[Founding_Daddy]

double standards