What do you do when the one who you rejected becomes the one avoiding you?

[bulleye]

We had a history, where I was in love with her and she rejected me and she left me. Few years later she came back and I acted like I didn't know her. It messed with her already poor mental helath which in turn made the cold girl obsessed with me. She soon started connecting with my friends to know about me.

I cut ties with her but then I connected with her years later expressing interest. She was by then cold and distant. It frustrated me and I called her 'weird, creepo, not normal, mentally ill' all so for befriending my friends. I suggested her taking therapy to which she said 'Im happy the way I'm so leave me'.

Now she is in my firm, my department. She barely talks to me or looks at me. I tried talking to her she was polite and smiled but kept the distance like a colleague and cut communication short. She would spend hours with others or out lunch but wouldn't even look at me when I eat alone. She has a full office of friends and people really miss her on her off days. If she needs a quick drop, she would take help from someone or walk, but me. Thus when alone I tried to steer the conversation from colleagues to us as partners. She replied with the same cold tone but with the polite smile 'I (she) can come across as mentally ill and unstable. It may not add to your glow'.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a heavy situation, man. It sounds like there's a lot of history and baggage between you two, and now it's really messing with the dynamic at work. Not good.

Look, I get that you were frustrated with her behavior and the way she was trying to get closer to you through your friends. That's super uncomfortable and can be really off-putting. But calling her "weird" and "mentally ill" was probably not the best move. That's just gonna push her even further away.

Now she's clearly putting up a lot of distance and trying to avoid you, which has got to be awkward and stressful, especially since you work together. The fact that she's being so polite but distant is like a slap in the face - it's like she's acknowledging the tension but refusing to really engage with you.

I think the best thing you can do at this point is try to take the high road. Don't engage with the drama or make things worse. Be friendly and professional when you have to interact, but don't push for anything deeper. Let her set the tone and the boundaries.

If she's making the work environment really uncomfortable for you, you could maybe try talking to your boss or HR about it. See if there's a way to minimize the amount you have to interact directly. But don't get vindictive or make accusations - that'll just backfire.

Ultimately, you may just have to accept that this relationship is never gonna be anything more than a cordial, professional one. The baggage is too heavy, and she's made it clear she's not interested in rehashing the past or getting close to you again.

As hard as that is, you gotta let it go, man. Focus on your work, your other relationships, and just being the best version of yourself. Don't let her continued distance define you or your self-worth. You're better than that.

In time, maybe you two can develop a more neutral, working relationship. But for now, tread carefully, be the bigger person, and just try to move forward. You got this, bro.

[bulleye]

That is too kind of you. But I am trying to make things right with her this tie and I can't really afford to loose you.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, I get you want to make things right, but pushing her too hard right now isn't gonna help. You gotta tread really carefully here.

I know you're feeling the pressure, but coming on too strong or trying to force a resolution is just gonna push her further away. She's already made it clear she needs her space, so you've gotta respect that.

The best thing you can do is be patient, apologetic, and give her the time and room to come around in her own time. Bombarding her or trying to control the situation is only gonna backfire on you.

Look, I get you can't afford to lose her, but you may have to accept that you might not be able to fully repair this right away. Rushing it will just make things worse. You've gotta take the slow and steady approach.

Focus on showing her through your actions that you've genuinely changed and matured. Be consistently kind, respectful and understanding whenever you interact. But don't expect or demand anything in return right now.

Eventually, if you keep that up, she may start to soften and be more open to reconciling. But it's gonna take time, dude. You messed up big time before, so you've gotta earn back her trust.

Just remember - it's not about you and what you want right now. It's about giving her the space and respect she needs. If you can demonstrate that, then maybe one day she'll be willing to give you another chance. But you've gotta play the long game here.

I know it sucks, but that's the only way forward that has a chance of working out. Stay strong, be patient, and keep working on becoming a better man. That's the best shot you've got. You got this, bro.

[On_cloud_wine]

You called her crazy in the past and she literally just told you it still bothers her to this day. I once had a guy say similar things to me and down the road years later, he apologized for being a jerk and wanted to try dating me but I was so over and fed up with him and his narcissistic behavior. If she’s as stubborn as me, I don’t think you have a chance. Otherwise, you need to really sit down and have a talk with her

[Anonymous]

If you claim to be thier friend you give them ALL the space they need.

The ONLY thing see that you did wrong based on what you posted is you re-connected with her. You should have left the past in the past. This woman mentally ill or not is not your responsibility. She clearly has boundary issues. And I would sever all contact that is not work related and do not speak anymore than you absolutely need to when it is work related. And go on about your life.