Girls, Why would a girl suddenly stop responding after a positive conversation with a guy?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been talking to a girl I’ve had a history with, and after some time apart, we recently reconnected and had a positive conversation. During this conversation, I complimented her in a playful way, calling her an ‘unsung hero’ of her job. Genuine compliments were something I would say to her when we were in each other's lives. However, after that text, she suddenly stopped responding and hasn't reached out again. Its been a few days.

We’ve had a positive history, but we've also had some ups and downs. The conversation we had seemed like it was going well, so I’m confused as to why she would pull back like this. I didn’t say anything that I think could have made her upset or uncomfortable.

I’m trying to understand what could be going on in her mind. Could she be processing something internally? Does this mean she’s lost interest, or is it possible she’s just taking time to think things through? How long does it usually take for someone to make a decision about whether or not they want to continue talking or re-engage with someone?

Also, what is the best approach to take when a girl pulls back like this after a good conversation? Should I give her space and wait for her to reach out, or should I consider moving on?

P. S: This girl and I have a long and complex history that includes both high ups and low downs. I've unfortunately let her down in the past and there was hurt between the both of us for a long time after I left her life. However behind the resentment/bitterness that lasted for over a year was hurt. I want to rebuild trust with her at whatever pace she feels good with but ultimately I don't want to make her uncomfortable if she's potentially not interested anymore.

[SueShe]

Once you lose the trust in a person, it is almost impossible to regain it and keep it to the level it was beforehand.

She probably learned her lesson and is more distant now, knowing that those high ups and only temporary and what comes up must go down again. A low down is automatically going to follow and she is cautious not to let it happen ever again.

If she took her distance from you, you should respect her decision and give her the distance she needs. You should not press her into making a decision because you will only achieve to make her even more insecure.

If she does not come back on her own, consider that relationship over and move on. That is your best option.

[Asker]

Okay I understand thank you

[WhitneySnow]

You upset her with that comment, but I’m not sure why without knowing all the context of your history. Just give her some space for now.

[Asker]

What context are you looking for that I can provide?

[WhitneySnow]

Like how did you hurt her in the past?

[Asker]

She opened up to me about something that she knew might cause me to judge her or lose respect for her and I shut her down and ignored her for the rest of the day because I was hurt.

[WhitneySnow]

Interesting. Maybe your comment reminded her of that.

[Asker]

Also she was getting passionate about her work and at the end of my text I sent “sounds like a really important role” maybe that came off as sarcastic

[WhitneySnow]

Maybe. It couldn’t hurt to apologize for that and ask if she’s ok. But give her some space first. At least a week.

[Asker]

We never really got closure. Because of that there’s been some unresolved feelings between us for years. Do you think that could be a a part of it?

[WhitneySnow]

I definitely think it could be

[Asker]

Do you think she’s sorting through what happened in the past, is upset about the compliment or both?

[WhitneySnow]

I’m not sure. Why don’t you tell me what she told you that made you ignore her because it hurt you?

[Asker]

For reference this was a few years ago: So we had a thing for a little while and ultimately i made out with someone else and told her the next day and cut the other girl off right away. Over the next few weeks she started getting distant. I realized it wasn’t going anywhere so I pulled away and left her life. I missed her and we reconnected and spent months rebuilding trust because I was in the wrong for essentially ghosting her. Finally when we hung out she revealed that she began seeing someone which was during the time she was getting distant with me. She said it was weighing on her to tell me and I said it was fine. She texted me after we hung out and that’s when I ignored her because I was hurt. I should have thanked her and acknowledged how brave it was for her to say that.

[WhitneySnow]

I’m pretty sure she’s still hurt over all the past stuff between you guys. I’m not quite sure how to fix this.

[Asker]

Thank you for your input on all of this. I think for now I’m gonna give her a little bit of space and then offer to meet up and hopefully clear the air between us.

[WhitneySnow]

I think that’s a great idea

[Nikki1989]

It sounds like you shot yourself in the foot here.

[Asker]

I sent this to her: Hey I didn’t mean for that message to sound sarcastic. I respect what you’re doing and I can already see how passionate you are about it and I am not trying to downplay your work. I was just trying to give you a compliment and it came out the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

U let her down. people never change , they only reveal themselves more. U don’t need to drink the entire ocean to know it’s salty. Why would she trust u again.

[Asker]

I wasn’t trying to upset her. I genuinely meant that her role was important. That message was me showing her that I was supporting her. I just worded it the wrong way. This girl deserves real love and I just hope this isn’t the nail in the coffin.