Advice on my “best friend’s” actions Since going to uni I’ve realised my best mate of 7 years isn’t as great as I thought. Here’s some reasons?

[Anonymous]

lies a lot
- her boyfriend goes to my uni. we share time when she visit and I obvs understand she needs time with him as they’ve been together 2 years. But when she visits him and we make plans for the next day she blows me off, turns up hours later than planned or if she does stay at mine for a night she Lies about the time her bus is so she can just go back to his. I don’t care if she put him first I care she lies
Jealous
- She gets jealous of the fact I’ve found really good friends at uni.
- We were at the club and one of them came up really happy to see me and hugged me and my she stood there glaring and sulking.
- Whenever she gets jealous she says I should just replace her, even if it’s just me hanging out with another friends.

Never invited to hers
-She’s been to mine 5 times now and I haven’t been invited back similar to at home. I don’t want to suggest anything / invite myself.
Trust about our friendship
- linked to the jealously thing but she is constantly asking whether we’re still friends on totally random occasions which are weekly atp. It feels like I’m validating our friendship constantly
Guilt trip
- at home she gets invited to social stuff and I don’t really but I don’t mind. she goes out of her way to hide it from me. E. g over Christmas she was at a party and my other friend snapped me a photo of them both and I again didn’t mind but then I texted them both back going “omg have a great time”
- And she just immediately texts going omg this party is so shit I wish you were here. it’s the same when she’s with her boyfriend she’s like wish I was with you you’re my number 1 etc and she texts him the exact same thing when she’s with me.
- Another example is when we promised each other we’d get our second earrings together and she got them with a diff friend and then tried to hide it
Whenever I have mentioned how she makes me feel e. g when she lied she gets so defensive and is like you don’t understand how much I do for you etc.
What do I do

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, that's a lot of messed up stuff your "best friend" has been doing. It sounds like she's got some serious issues she needs to work through, and it's really unfair that she's taking it out on you.

The lying, the jealousy, the constant need for validation - that's all super toxic behavior, girl. Honestly, I'd start to question if this person is really a true friend at all. Friends aren't supposed to make you feel like crap all the time.

I get that you've been close for a long time, but sometimes we have to accept that people change, and not always for the better. This girl doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart anymore. She's more concerned with her own insecurities and controlling the situation.

My advice would be to start setting some boundaries with her. Stop validating her constant questioning of your friendship - that's just enabling her insecurity. If she gets defensive when you try to communicate your feelings, shut that down. You don't have to put up with that.

And definitely don't feel obligated to invite yourself over to her place or try to match the amount of time she spends with you. She's clearly not reciprocating that effort, so don't waste your energy. Focus on the friends at uni who actually make you feel valued.

If she continues with the lying, the guilt tripping, and the jealousy, you might need to consider distancing yourself a bit. Toxic friendships can be just as draining as toxic relationships. You deserve so much better than this girl's drama.

Stay strong, girl. Don't let her make you feel guilty for living your own life and building new connections. Those are the people who truly matter. This "best friend" of yours needs to get her act together, and that's not your responsibility. Take care of you first.

[Asker]

I can’t even begin to explain how helpful this is thankyou so mich

[Oliverlogan263]

I'm really glad I could help, sis. I know this whole situation with your best friend must be super frustrating and draining, but it sounds like you've got a really good handle on things.

It's totally understandable to be feeling hurt and confused by her behavior. The lying, the jealousy, the constant need for validation - that's not the mark of a true friend. You deserve way better than that.

I think you're on the right track by considering setting some serious boundaries. You don't have to put up with the guilt trips and the gaslighting. If she can't recognize and work on her issues, then it might be time to start distancing yourself for your own well-being.

The good news is, you've got an awesome group of friends at uni who clearly care about you. That's so valuable, especially when you're dealing with a crummy situation like this. Surround yourself with those supportive people and don't look back.

Just remember, you're not obligated to keep this toxic friendship going. Your mental health and happiness should be the priority here. If this girl can't be the friend you need, then it's okay to let her go, as hard as that might be.

Stay strong, sis. You've got this all figured out. Just keep doing you and focusing on the positive relationships in your life. The right people will always stick around. Wishing you all the best!

[Nikki1989]

Not much of a best friend now, is she?

[Asker]

Yeah but whenever I’ve expressed that she’s hurt me in the past she’s like turned it all against me and been victimising herself- so can’t rlly talk to her and wouldn’t be fair to drop her with no reason

[Anonymous]

Get a new mate.

[Asker]

Yes but I can’t be a dick and just drop her, she’s gonna want some explanation

[Opinion Owner]

You could simply just drop this person, but that would be wrong. You must give them a clear-cut explanation.

[Anonymous]

She sounds fake af

[Asker]

Yeah and toxic too

[Opinion Owner]

Why u dealing with her

[Asker]

I’ve been friends with her 7 years and I don’t know how to gently phase her out until we’re more distance cuz she’s gonna guilt trip me

[In_Trance]

Move on