Should I drop my best friend of 10 years?

[Anonymous]

I met this girl when we were in elementary school and we immediately became best friends. We both have rough family situations but hers is the type to not invite anyone over to her house or even host any get togethers. My house was always the go to. Anyway, she’s met my entire family (who are spread through the country) been on 8! Family/ summer/spring break vacations with me and a lot more. I’m always the person to invite her or ask to hang out. I start every single conversation whether over text or social media. I’m starting to question if this is one sided. I thought maybe at first she just wasn’t the type to reach out or take control of any situation (she doesn’t know how to do anything for herself, laundry, cooking, ordering, scheduling) . Instead of asking to hang out or straight up inviting herself, maybe she waits for me to ask? But turns out she reaches out to everyone but me. Apparently she even has a boyfriend now. Thought maybe she didn’t want to tell me because she thinks I can’t keep my mouth shut? But no because she told me to my face next time she saw me like it wasn’t a big deal (we’re 20+ year old virgins okay) and acted like I already new about it. She doesn’t tell me anything, and when I do see her she expects me to know what she’s talking about. Yes this is a long story but she is one of my 3 friends. I haven’t been in the public for the last 4 years so these 3 friendships are all I have left. And I can’t decide if I’m just not as important to her as she is to me, or if it’s something else entirely. Anyway. We haven’t spoken this entire summer which is a first because I’m trying to see how long we can go without her reaching out. And now that seems like a bad idea because she never will. So my entire summer will be spent alone waiting for her and I don’t know what to do with myself.

[jennifer_bloom]

There might be something about you she isn’t happy with. I was angry at one of my long term contacts cause she mocked me for my conservative attitudes towards sex and gender and I thought it was disgusting that she would make fun of somebody for being more obedient to God than her. I also got annoyed with her because she always told me my views were stupid and not valid when I had a difference of opinion as her and she would invent reasons to slander me when she was bored like suggest I was stalking the guy I liked - with no evidence whatsoever that I was stalking him, you don’t causally accuse people of big crimes with no reason unless you have no integrity. Also the fact she refused to see good in me - told me my goals were unattainable - told me my university degree was worthless - always photographed me from the ugliest angles when I asked her to take my photo - refuse to drive 5 minutes to the store to buy me tea when I offered to pay her back and I did not have a Costco membership. Why I do not initiate contact that much anymore.

[caring__1]

If there is a significant difference between how someone acts around you and how they act around others, that can be a red flag. It sounds like you're more invested and dependent on her than she is on you. You can share with her what you see as special about her, and maybe that will help her connect with you, but if she is showing no interest in initiating anything, maybe that's telling you she only tolerates you, not enjoys you. It may be time to expand on your circle of friends.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I don't see what there is in it for you to stay friends with her

[Iron_Man]

Get rid of her

[In_Trance]

Sure