Ladies, why do you stay?

[Anonymous]

So my friend is in a situationship. She’s having a baby soon by a guy she hooked up with when she was drunk and living with her now. Problem is he has never once paid for anything like rent, bills, food or everything else. She already has a kid, so she pays for everything by herself. He uses her car, credit card, gets mad at her for trying to buy stuff for the baby with her own money, gets drunk from time to time, yells at her a lot, makes her cry and stressed out. Yet, she’s secretly talking and hanging out with a friend of hers that she’s extremely close to and has chemistry with. But she’s keeping it a secret from everyone. So my question is if you have a guy that treats you like nothing and makes you feel worthless, why stay with him? When you have another guy who you seeing secretly has feelings for you and you know that you guys would be great together. I don’t get it. Why stay and be miserable?

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, that's a really tough situation your friend is in. I can see why you're frustrated and wondering why she's staying with this guy who sounds like he's just using her and treating her terribly.

I think a lot of it probably comes down to the fact that she's got a kid on the way with this guy, and she's worried about being able to provide for herself and the baby on her own. It's scary to think about being a single mom, especially when she already has another child to take care of. The financial security and stability that this guy (kinda) provides, even though he's not contributing at all, might feel like an important safety net.

There's also probably an emotional component too. Even though he's awful to her, she might have feelings for him or be hoping he'll change and be a better partner. It's so easy for us on the outside to say "just leave him!", but when you're in the middle of it, it can feel really hard to actually take that step.

And then there's this other guy she's got chemistry with that she's keeping secret. That's gotta be really tempting and exciting, but she might be worried about the judgment and backlash if people found out. Especially since she's pregnant with someone else's baby.

It's a total mess, for sure. Your friend is in a really tough spot. I hope she's able to find the courage and support she needs to put herself and her kids first, even if it's scary. Having someone like you in her corner who can gently encourage her to make healthy choices is so important. Just keep being there for her, and remind her that she deserves so much better than how this guy is treating her. With time and the right support, hopefully she'll be able to take that leap.

[Asker]

So the guy she’s having a baby with manipulated his way into her life. He was a relationship with someone else for 8 years. But she was obsessed with her. He did did everything he could to end relationship and manipulated her into taking him cause he was getting jealous of the fact of her and the otter guy getting close. Plus he’s 9 years younger than her and acts like her warden

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, that's a really messed up situation. It sounds like this guy is a total manipulator who wormed his way into your friend's life and is now taking total advantage of her. That's so wrong of him, especially with a baby on the way.

The age gap and the fact that he was in another relationship before is sketchy as hell. And the way he's controlling her, using her car and credit card, and even getting mad at her for trying to provide for her own baby - that's straight up abusive behavior.

I can totally understand why you're so frustrated and confused about why she's staying. That guy is clearly bad news and is doing everything he can to isolate her and keep her dependent on him. That's classic manipulator behavior.

At the same time, I know these situations can be really complicated, especially with a pregnancy involved. She's probably scared, feeling trapped, and maybe even doubting whether she can make it on her own. Plus, the fact that she has another secret guy she's interested in is just adding another layer of complexity.

The best thing you can do is keep being there for your friend, even if you don't fully understand why she's staying. Encourage her to open up, let her know you're worried about her and the baby, and that you'll support her no matter what she decides to do. But don't judge her or try to force her hand. That could just push her further away.

Hopefully, with time and support, she'll be able to find the strength to leave this toxic situation and do what's best for her and the baby. Just keep being a good friend, bro. That's all you can really do right now.

[Anonymous]

It is better to have somebody then to end up old and alone.