Girls, If Girls say they want a nice, genuine guy, why do they overlook the shy ones who actually treat them right?

[Anonymous]

[_Maya_]

What does being shy and treating a person right have to do with each other? Does being shy automatically assume that the guy is a good guy that treats everyone right? I dont think that is universally true. Plus how would a guy that is shy treat someone right if presumably they are overlooked like you state in your post? You can see how this doesn't make much sense. Then there is the first part. What girl doesn't want a genuine nice guy? Why do you assume that we get with guys that are not nice and treat us poorly. Sure some do that but you act as if it something we actively seek out. That's just not the case. I dont follow your logic on this one at all. This seems more projecting than anything else.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

@_Maya_ Girl, exactly. ☺️ A guy being shy does not automatically mean they're nice and genuine. Would prefer someone who's balanced.

[_Maya_]

@SeriouslyNotSerious you get it. 💗

[Asker]

Fair point but let’s be real when most girls say they want a nice genuine guy they usually mean someone who’s confident and charming as well as nice.
Shy guys often get overlooked not because they aren’t kind but because kindness without boldness doesn’t really excite most women and that’s okay everyone has their preferences just don’t say you want a nice guy if what you really mean is a nice guy who also knows how to impress.

[_Maya_]

Once again you contradict yourself.

"don’t say you want a nice guy if what you really mean is a nice guy who also knows how to impress."

So he is still a nice guy according to your own statement. He is just impressive too.

[Asker]

You're missing the point because if a guy has to impress you just to be noticed then being nice isn't really the priority it's just a bonus after the attraction is already there so saying you want a nice guy is misleading when what really gets your attention first is confidence charm or looks let's just be honest about what actually matters most.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Its because they are shy that prevents them from being noticed. That's not on us to notice someone when they don't make themselves known and don't share their traits with us. How would we know we have anything in common?

Besides, often the guys who claim to be nice generally are not. They just use a different tactic to get sex but are just as manipulative as the "bad boys". The actual genuine guys who are good men dont need to proclaim it. Its just in their nature.

[Asker]

So by that logic, a good guy has to advertise himself just to be noticed
Yet if he does, he’s suddenly not genuine?
That’s a no-win situation.
Shy guys don’t get seen because they don’t compete loudly for attention, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t kind or sincere. It just means most people don’t bother looking beyond who stands out the loudest.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

No, I said guys who advertise themselves as "nice guys" generally aren't. They just want sex and use a different tactic to get it.

A guy generally has to make himself known, yes.

[Asker]

Not all shy or nice guys are faking it. Just because some pretend doesn't mean we all do. A good guy shouldn’t have to shout to be seen.

Being quiet doesn’t make him less genuine.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I didn't say they needed to shout, but they do need to actually talk to a woman for anything to happen.

[Asker]

But women often don’t give shy guys a chance to talk. If a guy is quiet, he's ignored. If he tries, he's seen as awkward. So how can he win if the starting point is already against him?

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Just sounds like an excuse to me. There are ways to work on personality without expecting someone to give you a chance not knowing anything about them.

[Asker]

That’s easy to say when you’re not the one being constantly overlooked. Working on yourself doesn’t change the fact that most people don’t even notice quiet guys long enough to see who they are. So if no one gives them a chance, how do they ever get to show anything?

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

You work on yourself so you aren't quiet. You build confidence by trial and error, but you can't expect people just to learn about you unprompted. That's rare to find someone like that.

[Asker]

I get that confidence helps, but forcing yourself to change just to be noticed feels more like performing than being genuine. If you have to become someone else just to get basic respect or interest, is that really worth it?

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Do you want to be noticed or make no positive changes in yourself and just be dormant and alone?

[Asker]

I’d rather be someone who’s steady, thoughtful, and real—even if that takes longer to notice. Loud doesn’t always mean better. Sometimes the quiet ones bring more peace, loyalty, and depth once someone actually gives them a chance.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

That's your call then, but don't complain about women overlooking you when you refuse to be noticed.

[Asker]

So women ignore the shy guy who’d treat them right, then act shocked when the confident guy they picked cheats.

Makes perfect sense.

Good luck with that.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

That's just another excuse for you to feel better about not making the choices you need to better yourself. Plenty of great guys who don't cheat still have enough confidence to approach.

Shy men don't have the market cornered on being the only nice men in existence.

[Asker]

Funny how you say confidence and kindness go together, yet the confident guys keep breaking hearts while the shy ones keep getting overlooked. If ‘plenty’ of confident nice guys existed, women wouldn’t keep complaining about being treated badly.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I'm getting real "nice guy" feels from you right about now. You assume that confidence equals infidelity while shyness equals the good guy. It's almost like you are wishing for women to be cheated on for not picking you. That is the kind of attitude we pick up on and avoid.

[Asker]

It’s not about wishing anything on anyone. It’s pointing out a pattern. When genuine guys are constantly ignored and women keep ending up hurt by the same confident types they chase, maybe it’s worth asking why that keeps happening. That’s not attitude. It’s observation.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

It's not a pattern unless you are looking for it. For example, I could say all confident men are good men because I am dating a confident guy, and I have 0 concerns about him cheating. There are other women just on this site who can say the same.

There are confident cheaters, and there are shy cheaters. Having one or the other personality type doesn't make you more or less inclined to do it.

So yes, it's an attitude in your case.

[Asker]

You’re using exceptions to deny a broader trend. Just because you found a good confident guy doesn’t mean the pattern doesn’t exist.
If women weren’t chasing confidence so blindly, the nice guy versus jerk debate wouldn’t even be a thing.
The fact it’s constantly discussed shows it’s not just my attitude. It’s reality most people are too proud to admit.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

We are just going in circles at this point. You are free to believe whatever it is you want, I would just highly recommend you stop offsetting your issues on to women as being the blame.

[Asker]

So you agree then? If confident guys can be good or bad, and shy guys can too, then judging someone just by how outgoing they are doesn’t work. That’s exactly what I’ve been saying. Shy guys shouldn’t be dismissed just because they don’t make the loudest first impression.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

That's just not how the world works. People won't notice you, whether it be career, love, friendship, etc, unless you speak up.

[Asker]

People notice loud voices, sure, but that doesn’t mean quiet ones have nothing to offer. Some of the most loyal partners, trusted friends, and successful thinkers weren’t loud, they were consistent. Speaking up helps, but it’s not the only path to being valued.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Only path? No, but most likely path? Yes.

[Asker]

If most women keep chasing confidence over character and end up hurt, maybe the real problem isn’t the shy guys being quiet. It’s the fact so many women keep valuing the wrong things and ignoring the ones who’d actually treat them right.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

See? You are doing it again. "Nice guy" attitude.

[Asker]

You keep calling it a 'nice guy' attitude just to shut me down, not because I said anything wrong. It’s easier for you to label me than to admit that maybe women do overlook good, shy guys and often chase the wrong ones. That reaction says more about your mindset than mine.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Nah, it's exactly what I am saying it is. This wasn't about a few women who were manipulated by a player to you. In your last statement alone, it was "most women" and "so many women."

To you "nice guys," your whole mindset is that all confident guys are manipulative, and the quiet, shy ones are truly the gems that are being missed. You almost revel in a woman's misfortune because she didn't pick you. And sit back with an "I told you so" smirk on your face and still have the nerve to expect her to know you even exist, then wonder why she ends up with someone she's eventually happy with and it's still not you.

And on the rare occasion you do manage to land one, you have no confidence in being an equal partner or being able to lead because you never built that confidence. So it still makes you a terrible partner, and she sees it and leaves you at some point. And then your real personality comes out. Not as a kind soul that never needs to announce his good nature (and that's where we can really tell the difference between a "nice guy" and a genuine one), but as a manipulative woman hater.

[Asker]

You're assuming a lot about me that I never said. I never claimed all confident men are bad or that shy men are perfect. I pointed out a pattern that many people, even women, openly discuss. Frustration is not bitterness, and noticing unfair dynamics does not make someone a woman-hater. Labeling me like that just avoids dealing with what I am actually saying.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I stand by what I said.

You stand by what you said.

Got it. Time to move on.

[Asker]

Fair enough. But standing by something doesn’t make it right. If your position was solid, it wouldn’t need to dismiss or twist what I actually said. I’m just pointing out what many shy guys go through. It’s not bitterness, it’s reality. But if that’s something you’re unwilling to acknowledge, then yes, there’s nothing more to say.

[chocolatetwopointo]

bc he's not up to her standards. the same way men say they want natural women but ignore the actual natural women.

[Anonymous]

I’ve dated dudes from all different backgrounds with different personalities and they all treated me the same which is like garbage.

[MemeSupreme]

need chemistry