How do I handle my feelings?

[Anonymous]

I 18m am super into this girl 18f and she 100% has feelings for me but she had a hard year and is only just processing it and says she needs time. She hasn’t admitted feelings but they surely are there, also even though she says she needs time she keeps initiating contact with me.

I am really into her and want to talk but I don’t wanna push her either…

Any tips or should i just give up

[Screenwriter]

Whenever someone says "I need time," for WHATEVER reason, they are not ready to do anything with you. You clearly are ready.

Unless this person says, get back with me in three weeks after XXX is over, or I've relaxed a little, or, I've come back from vacation, give up on this.

You need a timeline. She hasn't given one, so YOU ARE NOT HER PRIORITY. And unless someone Tells you directly they have feelings for you, and they WANT TO ACT ON THEM, forget it.

Never assume about anyone's feelings. She is being kind to you because she doesn't want to hurt you, but she doesn't have any idea how long it'll take her to heal, or get to a point where she has further interest in you or not.

There are many young women who DO have time for you now.

Don't get hung up on someone who isn't available and who cannot say if or when they WILL be.

It's summertime. Get your friends to intro you to other young women and have some fun while school is out and you're free to do more.

[Asker]

She said she loved me

[Screenwriter]

Well that's a positive comment. But she's also said she doesn't have time now. Ask her how long you have to wait and see what she says. If it's an "I don't know, " that's not a great answer.

[Asker]

I have implied to her that I wanted to wait and could but she tried to push me away after.

When I confronted her that I felt like she was pushing me away and wasn’t honest here (i thought she didn’t want to hold me back and pushed me away for that).

But I then said I feel like you actually feel something for me here and she said I just don’t know anything now. We talked about a lot that day actually so it was already quite a loaded convo. But I really wasn’t rejected, because I don’t think she wants to do just that. Maybe she doesn’t wanna hurt me or maybe she wants me (I feel like she actually wants but can’t)

I am gonna request more clarity soon though as I am kept guessing here

[Screenwriter]

You are ignoring what she's said to you because you don't want to be put on hold.

It does not matter if someone says they love you along with PUSHING YOU AWAY! AND she says, "I JUST DON"T KNOW ANYTHING NOW!" This is precisely what I said in my first message to you.

She is not giving you a precise time about when she would be available to you, so SHE IS NOT AVAILABLE.

I also said, SHE DOES NOT WANT TO HURT YOU by outright rejecting you, but she IS rejecting you as nicely as she feels is possible.

She does want to be left alone. She doesn't know for how long and she's told you as much. She has NOT said she WANTS you. She said she loves you. She may mean like a good friend, not like a lover.

You cannot ask for MORE clarity. She has said SHE DOES NOT KNOW! You are not listening to her.

Leave her alone and move on. SHe has not left you guessing. You simply do not want to recognize the truth. She pushed you away because she NEEDs to push you away.

Leave her alone and move on.

[Asker]

She still keeps initiating conversations with me

[Screenwriter]

Of course she does! She doesn't want to be completely alone. But she wants a LIMITED RELATIONSHIP with you. Not a deep love relationship because she has said REPEATEDLY, she is not ready.

This doesn't mean you can't TALK to her. But hanging on until some future date that you do not know will ever occur seems foolish.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

• "says she needs time"
• "[her] feelings surely are there"
• "she keeps initiating contact with me"

Since everything seems promising to me, based on your description then, please name more precisely what feels wrong to you?

[Asker]

I think i need some confirmation. I know how she feels, but she is deeply hurt or insecure or whatever. But I haven’t heard her say how she feels. So that leaves me guessing at times

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Okay, what do you need to go from guessing to have a deeper talk with her, to receive this confirmation?

[Asker]

Well I need her to be up for it and in a position to confirm it as i feel now she would just try to push me away

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

You can be subtle about this, you can push her, intelligently, to confess feelings WHILE letting her know that a confession does not mean she has to act upon it and step into a relationship. However, if what you need is her right now like really right now, then there's a problem. It all comes down to you finding a way to make her confess and evaluate, for you, if you want to wait for her or not

[Asker]

I know she had been into me a couple of times already. But she never admitted her feelings to me, i wasn’t into her first.
But now she is in a bad place and I need to try this so I am willing to wait but I just need something from her

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

If I was willing to wait for her to be in a good place, I would go chasing what I need to hear from her, calling her out, intelligently, safely

[Asker]

Yeah right now I am wondering how, how to not push too hard

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I believe you can feel it, feeling how to push using the right force, and if you don't, well, we all learn by trying :)

[Asker]

True yeah, thanks a lot

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

You're welcome, good luck 🍀

[Anonymous]

Give up she's not worth it

[Asker]

Why not?

[Opinion Owner]

Plenty of fish in the sea

[Anonymous]

What’s so special about her

[Asker]

Well we share some history i must admit, but she is just everything i am looking for. Something I haven’t found in a while, I know I am still young but this is so real

[Opinion Owner]

What are u looking for

[Asker]

Intelligence, beauty and someone that makes me feel comfortable being me and i can joke around with

[Opinion Owner]

How do u both look

[Asker]

Both around an 8 i’d say

[Opinion Owner]

Are u friends? Do u talk frequently?

[Opinion Owner]

How tall are u both? What makes her beautiful

[Asker]

Don’t really know what we are, we don’t talk a ton. But definitely a couple times a week

[Opinion Owner]

Ohhh how does she look and u

[Asker]

I am 6’3 and she is 5’8. What doesn’t make her beautiful, her eyes, her personality, the way i feel around her

[Asker]

She is brunette with blue greenish eyes. Fit build.

I am just tall, slightly athletic, blue eyes and blonfe

[Opinion Owner]

Ohhhh. What about her personality?

[Asker]

Smart and fun

[Opinion Owner]

What makes u both an 8

[Asker]

Looks I guess

[Opinion Owner]

What’s so special in both of your looks that’s 8

[Opinion Owner]

Are u virgin dating for marriage ? Or are u someone who sleeps around

[Asker]

Just striking face and fit

[Asker]

Neither, but I only do it with girls I am in a relationship with though. Don’t enjoy to sleep around tbh

[Opinion Owner]

Lol u described a fuck boy. That’s what he does. Goes from relationship to relationship

[Opinion Owner]

Both of your heights?

[Asker]

Not from relationship to relationship haha. I am aiming for something that lasts. But if shit doesn’t work out and we break up I won’t sleep around

[Asker]

She’s like 5’7 or 5’8 and I am 6’3

[Opinion Owner]

U are sleeping around in the pretence of a relationship

[Asker]

I am really not though, I am not looking for a hookup. Looking for a relationship that I trust will last forever. Only had 2 relationships this far and they lasted for a good while

[Opinion Owner]

Are u virgin

[Asker]

Nope

[Opinion Owner]

lol. Knew it

[Opinion Owner]

What makes her beautiful

[Opinion Owner]

Have u flirted with her

[Asker]

Knew what lol

[Asker]

Yeah obviously, she flirts with me too. Usually she actually starts it

[Asker]

Think I already said what makes her beautiful, ni?

[Opinion Owner]

Physically what makes her pretty?

[Asker]

Well she got a pretty face and a fit body

[Opinion Owner]

Ohhh. How heavy are u both

[Asker]

No clue, both just good normal weight

[Opinion Owner]

So what’s the current situation?