How do I handle my emotions better?

[Anonymous]

My mother and I have been fighting a lot. She insults me, cusses me out and never hears out what I have to say. How does she even expect me to talk to her when she does not even understand how I feel? She feels the need to control me and everyone else around her. She called her mother "a bitch" and threw a bottle at her over a petty fight. Is this what a supposed "good" role model does? When I fell into depression, she said only crazy people go to therapists and made me stop therapy. I'm not rebelling against her. I just want to be seen. I'm done trying to please her. She said she will give me a "choice" as to what course I have to major in, in college. I want to finish uni, move out and never look back. She's too controlling. She said she will always come with me wherever I go because apparently, I'm incapable of taking care of myself. She even said she would choose who I'm going to marry! What the fuck is going on? I'm losing my damned mind.

No, I'm not trolling. This is serious and I need opinions on this.

Updates

+1 y

Is there any hope for me to improve my relationship with my mother? I know she only wants the best for me, but she can be a tad to controlling sometimes. How does she expect me to become independent if she wants to dominate everyone and every single thing? It's tiring and her mood swings is taking a toll on me

[20yearsolder]

It sounds to me like your mother gets off on controlling you. Once you finish University, you can move anywhere you want to go and you don't have to drag her bitch ass along with you. Make your own money, support yourself and never look back. If she really cared about you she wouldn't act like a cunt

[Asker]

My parents used to fight a lot when I was young and it has had a huge impact on me, negatively. I'm pessimistic about romantic relationships in general. I'm by no means a misandrist or an incel, I know that good people exist, but I have a hard time processing my emotions. I'm afraid that I'd turn into my mother in a few years. I see herself in me.. those terrible outbursts of rage, bottling up emotions and so on. I feel like I've run out of empathy. Being indifferent and numbing myself to her antics is what is keeping me sane.

The worst part here is, she wants me to become a doctor. I was interested in medicine before, but I'm not so sure considering other factors. My parents are well-off, they can pay for med school and I don't have to take a student loan, but if I were to be financially dependent on my parents until I'm 30, wouldn't she get to have a say in every aspect of my life?

[Asker]

I have a good relationship with everyone else except her and my maternal grandmother who always seems to side with her.