Girl ignores me completely, but she looks at me (when she thinks I don't notice) and takes a seat right across me, why?

[Fulti]

So this girl does her best to ignore me. Last time I crossed her and one of her close colleagues. Her colleague smiled and me while I passed, she however completely ignored me. This was shortly after we sat in a meeting, where she was sitting right across from me. She could have sit at other places, so why sit there? On top of that, right when she entered the room, I saw her, when heading to that seat, look at me, very briefly. It was somewhat the first thing she did, as if she was looking for me. During the entire meeting she did her best not to look at me. However, I did catch her glance at me every so often. Another day I stood next to her; only place where I could still stand; when we had a talk with multiple colleagues. Again, same thing, she ignored the hell out of me. Only when I started to speak with a colleague next to her she engaged in the talk and even shared some rather personal info. I really don't get this.

I did, but very lightly, hint about liking her; but not too obviously and I am not sure she got the message, although, I assume she did. She also ignored this message about me liking her and only laughed at a joke I made (in the same message where I hinted about me liking her).

My common sense tells me she is ignoring me to make a clear point she is definitely not into me, but then why still look at me or even sit right across from me when she can sit pretty much anywhere. Given her behaviour and the fact she does absolutely nothing to try and have a conversation with me or be with me, I can safely say there is nothing from her side, but she is extreme shy and a bit insecure. But no idea this plays any role. Oddly enough, a while ago (before I sent the messages hinting I am into her) we had a nice conversation about personal stuff and she even stared at me (while I wasn't looking back, I only noticed when I looked up to look at her) and she kept eye contact when I looked back and talked to her, but sadly I (we) couldn't maintain eye contact.

[Shehnaz]

She’s doing the classic “I like him but I’m scared to show it” dance.
She chose to sit right in front of you when she had other options she wanted to be close but still have control.
First thing she did when entering the room? Quick scan for you → subconscious “where is he?”
Avoids eye contact the whole meeting but you still caught her stealing glances → she’s checking you out without getting caught.
Ignores you hard until you talk to someone next to her, then suddenly jumps in and shares personal stuff → jealousy trying to pull your attention back to her.
Girls don’t put this much effort into ignoring someone they don’t care about. If she truly hated you, she’d be relaxed and indifferent. This much “ignoring performance” means she’s overthinking every second around you. She’s into you, just playing hard to get or scared of rejection.
Next time give her a small, confident smile direct eye contact for 2-3 seconds (no words). Watch her melt or blush

[Fulti]

Yeah, sometimes I also think she is into me because of some of the things she does (or rather not) but at the same time, her avoiding me in the way she does seems to go a bit further than casually ignoring. Also, she didn't really jump it, it was just a conversation with the 3 of us and the other girl is not single so she most definitely is no competition. But at the same time, you might be right if she was really hated me or totally not interested, I guess she wouldn't bother to quickly glance at me or sit right across me. You have given me things to wonder about.

[Fulti]

Oh and regarding your last point, watch her melt or blush: nop, doesn't happen. I have already given her eye contact, maybe a bit too much, she just looks away immediately.

[Nikki1989]

Dude, you are 35. Why are you talking like a 15-year-old? Get it together.

[Fulti]

Well in any other situation, I would just confront her yes, but given she is a colleague, I don't want to make it too awkward either. Or what are you talking about?

[ManOnFire]

"but she is extreme shy and a bit insecure."
- That is exactly what I thought she was going to turn out to be. Some girls - especially shy ones - are the complete opposite of other girls who go right in and want to be near or speak to the guy they're into. She instead is nervous around you and singling you out, but what these girls never realize is that behavior gives them away. People can tell that they're the only ones not talking to the one guy in the group. It's not invisible like they think it is.

Only thing you can really do with shy girls like that is just keep things light and easy with them until they get more comfortable with you.

[Fulti]

She most definitely does not want to be near me lol. There has never been any moment she came closer to me, she even avoids me and one time when I handed out my hand to help get up a ladder, she refused my hand for help. She really avoided touching me

[ManOnFire]

So next question: do you like this girl back? If so, are you really okay with her acting like this? I personally am not into shy, quiet women and prefer more confident, straightforward types, so how this girl is wouldn't work for me at all.

But just asking you: are you okay with this girl being like that?

[Fulti]

Oh yes, I am most definitely into this girl, otherwise I wouldn't ask others their opinion. I understand your reasoning and indeed if she had a bit more confidence it would have been easier for me to also judge whether she likes me back or not. I have no problem with her being quiet and shy to be honest. Only now because it makes it hard for me to judge what she thinks about me.

[ManOnFire]

Well, hopefully she warms up to you more as time goes on.

[Fulti]

Yeah, I hope so too, but given her behaviour I am really flabbergasted about what's happening or what I should do. If we weren't colleagues I would have taken the risk to just as her out or confront her but given we are colleagues I would more or less like to know where I stand before I take such a risk.

[ManOnFire]

So since she's a co-worker, you should definitely tread carefully with that. I'm sure you've had a job long enough to know how things can go badly in these kinds of situations. And with her being a shy, nervous type she might even switch up on you and day and decide to complain about you even if you really did nothing wrong.

If I were you I would just stay friendly with her for right now and make yourself appear welcoming, and let her decide what she wants to do/how she's going to feel about it from here. You just want to be careful.

[Fulti]

Yes, exactly because we are working at the same place, I haven't really made it very clear. That's why I am trying to figure out where I am standing atm. I don't want to take too much risk. But it's hard to tell whether she also has an interest in me or something else is happening.

[ManOnFire]

If she's really into you then eventually she will show it a little more directly. I wouldn't make any moves on her, just let her come to you when she's ready since she's shy.

[Fulti]

Yeah, I suppose you are right. Even if she is shy, at some point, she will show some interest to some extent. I only have to figure out she is indeed showing interest when she does because girls can be very subtle with this lol

[ManOnFire]

You will know it. Girls who seem unclear or wishy washy are not serious about you, but the ones who really are will show it without a doubt. If a girl is not asking anything about you, not ever trying to call or text, or suggesting things you guys could do/places to go, then she's not really serious about you.

[Fulti]

Yeah, I guess you have a point. To be honest, I fear she has no interest then given she tries her best to ignore me etc. I just hoped that perhaps because she is shy/insecure she wouldn't dare to show it (or that I am missing the sings somehow).

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Just ask her out already

[Fulti]

I would, if we were not colleagues.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Then report her to HR or something if you’re going to pussyfoot around

[Fulti]

Why would I report her to HR? For ignoring me? What?

[In_Trance]

Ask her why

[Fulti]

Yeah, I was thinking to indeed casually mention it, that I have the feeling/idea that she is upset or that there is something. But given we are colleagues, I don't want to make it more awkward than it already is. But I am considering this indeed.