Are you the rule or the exception to the rule?

[Anonymous]

I'm starting to think I'm the rule and not the exception because my co-worker has been working this guy down until he finally gave in and now loves her.

Granted it's not the best way to get someone to love you but I just hate that it worked.

She did some crazy things to get this guy to be with her.

Now I haven't gone as far as her like buy expensive gifts that I can't afford or buy his mother a gift or let him drive my car and I not have one for a while for work like she did, but all of that has gotten her the guy.

Do I go crazy too to get a certain guy to love me? Do I go against my dignity and self-respect?

I don't want to be that girl. I want him to choose me because he wants to, not feel forced or pressured into it because I buy him things that he likes or do things for him that compromises myself in some way. Granted he needs a good working car as well. His car works but he could borrow mines because I wfh right now. But that would be psycho to do.

But I'm growing desperate playing the waiting game and just being there for him. I want him to want me. I want to be with him. I want him dammit!

It's not fair!!!

[Anonymous]

I guarantee you he liked her to begin with. That is assuming he's NOT using her. You cannot buy a guy. You simply can't! You might be able to buy his attention for a while. But if he's not interested, he's not interested. If their relationship is the real deal I promise you he liked her on some level to begin with and she just convinced him she was his person. That's how my wife an I became an item. I always thought she was attractive. But as MOST guys I think half the women out there ate attractive. But just because I think a woman's attractive doesn't mean I'm going to ask her out, and I didn't. But when she found out (via a friend of mine) that I thought she was attractive she went and asked me out. Now when she asked it caught me off guard. And I didn't no how to react. So I handled it badly. I didn't say no, but I never said yes either. Fortunately for me she didn't take no for an answer and she wore me down in quick order. We dated and she eventually asked me to marry her.

The moral of this story is I always liked her. But I didn't see what a good match we were. She apparently saw it right away. I would've NEVER have fallen in love with her if she had not been so persistent. 29 years later I can tell you I would never want to go through this life with anyone but her.

[realbiggrin]

You are on the right track, she will regret it because he isn't a man in my opinion. He is a boy, and hey, if she wanted to find a guy and have children, she can skip the extra stretch marks because she found a two for one deal.
A man would feel very uncomfortable excepting expensive gift from someone he is dating, especially if he can't get her things. Taking her car and leaving her without? You dodged a bullet, stay away from boys like that.

[Asker]

Ok thanks.

[privateperson]

If you make him choose you and its somewhat forced, then later on when you're married or settled in some other way, he will have doubts and question his choices because he didn't make them by his own free choice/ motivation and will think he was led or motivated by other things. That will then make you feel insecure and it will be bad. A friend of mine told me years ago, with everything in life, "whats yours is yours. You cannot lose anything that is meant for you if you just lead with intention and authenticity"

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Your friend is male-centered, you’re not. Don’t settle just because her insane persistence worked out for this one guy she was obsessed with

[Asker]

I know she is and I don't want to be that way but I'm so in love with this guy and seeing that it actually worked for her sucks. But I don't think I could ever do what she did.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

So don’t, he’s not that worth it

[Asker]

I feel like he is though. We've known each other for over 13 years and I've fallen more in love with him now than ever before. We talk everyday and there's just something about him that screams he's suppose to be with me. I think he loved me once but things happened that made him change course but if I can get him to love me again then I would feel complete.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Girl, if he doesn’t love you, don’t waste your time. In the time it takes you to do this grand, massive gesture to prove your love for him, he’s already talking to two other girls about potentially dating them. You’re better than that and you know it

[serious]

Well, I have read everything you have said. You may not like to hear it but really there is nothing much you can do here. You can only be the best version of yourself, be his best friend and just be there for him incase if he needs you. Other than this there is nothing else you can do. The reason being if you try to forcible make him like you or you try to force him to have feelings for you when he does not see you that way then it is likely to be counter productive and will almost certainly fail. It never works that way.

As you correctly put it yes that would be like you are compromising on yourself. No, you should never go against your dignity and self respect in any way.

I would never do that, I have never done that in my life. I have never done anything to impress a woman or make a woman like me. Of course I have standards but I am just myself. If a woman likes me then it is fine, otherwise also there is no problem. I am totally fine being alone and single.

Hence coming back to your situation, like it or not. You have to just wait. If he does realise and understand that he has feelings then maybe someday he may come back to you. Of course there is no guarantee of this happening either and there are lot uncertainties involved because you don't know if this will ever happen, you don't even know how long this may take. It may take years and plus who knows if you will be single then or this may never happen.

That is my opinion. Logical one.

[Zack-Bann]

Yeah it’s tough to be the one with the feelings that’s for sure


You sound crazy and you’re acting crazy


But I can’t judge you because I know the feeling all too well


I don’t usually get stuck on a person that doesn’t want me or isn’t available but I recently got close to a girl I work with and I realized that kind of chemistry cannot be manufactured or faked


But she has a new boyfriend who’s as rich as royalty and is clearly pussy but I might be biased.


I can’t turn off the feelings but I also can’t do anything about it.


Unfortunately there’s no easy way out


You gotta open your mind and meet other people.
Once you find something more mutual you’ll move on


That’s what I’m trying to do
It’s all we can do

[Asker]

I may sound a little crazy but I'm not acting crazy. I haven't done anything that my coworker has done. And I have my reasons why I'm stuck on him. We've known each other for over 13 years and he has loved me once I believe. I just can't get him to love me now.

[Zack-Bann]

Did you try being direct?

If he’s single that is

I mean 13 years later I’d say you’ve earned one heart to heart conversation about this stuff

That girl I work with, I’ve known her a few months
But if she came in tomorrow and said she broke up with her archduke boyfriend, I would wait a respectable weekend and ask her out on Monday.

If you do it respectfully enough it won’t harm your friendship or your work

What have you got to lose?
Stop driving yourself crazy with anticipation and make a move
You’ll be glad you did

[Asker]

It's really complicated. I wish it were that easy. I've tried somewhat but he always kinda shoots me down. And lately he's been distant with me. I don't know if there is someone else again. It's a long story our story but the gist of it is that we were in love once and then he stopped loving me or at least it appears that way but I refuse to believe that. He does things that doesn't imply he doesn't love me anymore.

[Zack-Bann]

Sounds like you’re hung up on a time gone by

I don’t know you and don’t know him
So I can’t say anything for certain

But I can sense desperation when I read it

You’re trying to trick yourself into thinking he loves you because you want it to be true

The truth is: if he wanted to be with you he wouldn’t shoot you down.

If the woman I love came up to me and said let’s go grab some drinks after work, I would the first one waiting by the elevators

[Asker]

It's either this or not live anymore. And I know how fucked up that sounds but I can't live my life like this anymore. I'm going to find a way to end it all because this feeling is just too much.

[Zack-Bann]

Yeah it’s an idea…

Counter productive. But still an idea…

But ending your life over some dude who’s shit stinks like everyone else’s would be a shame

Maybe have one more final conversation with him about the subject before making up your mind

[Asker]

I can try but I feel like it's nothing going to come of it so I should just give up and be gone from here. The pain is just too much.

[MrOracle]

Everyone is "the rule" rather than "the exception" in nearly every situation. Exceptions are very rare.

There's a reason most men focus on probability rather than if something is "possible". If something has less than a 50% chance of being true, then it probably isn't true. If it only has a 2% chance of being true, it's almost certainly not true. And if it's only 0.027% probable, it is absolutely not happening.

Many people think that a 10% chance is a lot, and decent odds, until you test their belief. Say, "here is $500 in cash, and a hammer. You'll role a 10-sided dice. If you role a 1, you get the $500. If you role any other number, I will smash your hand with this hammer. 10% is pretty good, right?" Few people will try for the $500.

[Anonymous]

"I want a man to love me without me doing anything at all, why isn't it working!" That you won't even allow the dude you like and want drive your car says enough.

Good for her going after what she wants, sounds like gift giving is her love language and it worked. I'm impressed that you're so well into your coworkers finances, I must admit that I do not care about mine.

Have fun being alone because no one is going to fall in love with someone who sits in a corner waiting for prince charming to fall in love with the mere presence of the awesomeness you seem to think you possess.

[OneViewpoint]

Stop patting yourself on the back. You're not exceptional. You are the norm. Hardly anyone, male or female, will act like an idiot and surrender their dignity and self respect at any cost to be with someone. Your coworker sounds like she has some personality flaws she's not able to control. And that entrapment strategy has a high probability of coming round to bite her in the ass. We all have the freedom to make choices. Choose wisely. Don't be THAT GIRL. Or THAT GUY for that matter.

[Miristheiss]

Most women follow modern society and "date". Hanging out for fun. Engaging in sex with EVERY man they go on 1 to 5 dates with.

Ideally you should meet men to determine if you are compatible for marriage. Life goals, values, religion, handling money, kids, family roles.

Elimate them right away if they aren't the same. Have sex after marriage. Doing modern dating and cadual sex... usually will get you used up and still looking at 28 to 30.

[MrChinaski]

If you sell your soul to hoodwink a guy into a relationship he doesn't want it won't last, and what do you have left to sell next time? Very unhealthy for you.

[Asker]

I know it's not healthy but feeling this way isn't either. I feel so depressed most days because I can't have him. It's becoming dangerous. I don't want to say the s word but it's getting there.

[MrChinaski]

DM me if you want. I spent 5 years on crisis lines.

[Asker]

Ok I will. Thank you

[DishLady]

I’ve been the exception a few times, but there are other factors to consider about the guy’s character.

[WhitneySnow]

If you have to buy his affection, he doesn’t really love you

Just how hot is this guy?

[Asker]

He's hot in his own way. But what really makes me want him is his personality and how he treats me.

[WhitneySnow]

Then don’t buy him. She doesn’t have him either. Just wait for that fake relationship to fall apart and then flirt with him. Get him to ask you out. If he treats you that well he’s either a really nice guy or he already likes you (or both).

[Asker]

Oh no I don't like the guy she likes. I'm sorry if I confused you. I like another guy. Not the guy she likes.

[WhitneySnow]

Oh ok. Well don’t buy him either. All you’ll get is a fake relationship. But my comment about how well the guy you like treats you still stands.

[Asker]

Yes it does and thank you!

[WhitneySnow]

You’re welcome!

[blackeagle007]

I wish we didn’t have to buy affection from women. You all expect us to make a lot of $

[loveslongnails]

"Question Authority". Most of the time, that's how I live. Not all the time, because many rules are worthwhile and keep order and safety. But then, there's the bullshit...

[Anonymous]

Why is it whenever a bad movie is mentions, Bradley Cooper is in it? 🤔

[blackeagle007]

Star is born?

[dudeinohio]

Always stay true to yourself. If you act fake, it'll catch up with you.

[Asker]

Thanks. I will.

[LiamJHayden]

I don't play games when it comes to dating. If she declines I might ask the others at her table.

[AngryCarl2]

There are Laws of Men and there are Laws of God but there is only one Rule: Fuck Around and Find Out.

[exitseven]

always the exeption

[beefcakebradybatson]

VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH the exception !!!

[Anonymous]

Neither.