Guys, wdym when you call a gal "an independent woman"?

[DishLady]

A gal was so exhausted she looked like she was going to pass out, so she sat for a moment. I asked if she was ok and she said she'd be fine then asked her guy friend (who was standing, talking with some random girl), "Can you get me a glass of water?" (In context, we were at the place he loves to hang out so he knew best where the water cooler or whatever was.)

He answered, "Get it yourself. You're an independent woman."

It was the oddest think I've ever heard a guy say to a gal who clearly needed a hand. Ofc I told her to stay put and I'd go find a waiter or someone to get us water.

[worldscolide]

It depends on context. In this case he was being an asshole. It's equivalent to him saying "you're a big girl, you can do it your self." or the reverse "you're a big boy, you can do it your self" but generally he was being an asshole.

Another situation is if a woman is an openly insufferable "boss babe" type, it's used in place of "she's not worth the effort"

I don't use it in the first context cause I'm not an asshole, and the second one, it's rare, because beyond online, I don't know any women like that in real life.

[fish5505_87]

Context is king, in this case it was slight. She's probably a strong minded woman and he's insecure. I have not used that term in a long time however, should I, I would most likely mean she successful and smart, like to do her own thing.

[DishLady]

I've also been called independent because I know how to figure stuff out on my own, which I think is just a basic survival instinct. But if I was dead tired I would still like to think that a reasonable person seeing that I'm tired would help me out.

[fish5505_87]

Agreed, the guy has an issue.

[DishLady]

(You're too polite, lol. But thanks.)

[fish5505_87]

Thanks!

[queenofcardio]

Such an odd thing to say.

[DishLady]

Right? And if you were there to see what this girl looked like -- exhausted, clearly needing water and he was doing what? Flirting? I know for a fact the flimsy looking gal he was chatting up is taken.

[Anonymous]

It’s usually meant to be sarcastic. More than likely she has said that a time or two. Maybe he tried to offer her help at one time or do something for her to which she responded w I don’t need you I’m an independent woman, or I’m am independent woman I can do it myself. That’s probably why he said that. It’s like oh now you need me after you espousing that bs. She’s probably stubborn headed. I don’t think it’s odd. I’ve heard a number of men say it these days.

[DishLady]

Sorry, no. That isn't the case with the individuals in question. She's hard-working, but not at all that type of girl.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok if you know that’s the case then why are you asking. You know her personally? Which yes you may know her personally but you don’t know her personality when she’s around him. It’s like co-workers. When people say oh they’re so nice. But the difference is your never worked w them.

[DishLady]

Yeah, we were all at an event together. To me he just seemed to be acting like a dbag while he was chatting up our friend (who isn't single but was letting this dbag chat her up).

[Opinion Owner]

Again like I said people are different when you’re not around them. Women tend to act different around men especially if she’s used to getting resources from him. I’ve met many women who other women have said she’s so nice, pretty, I don’t see how she’s single. But in reality she really isn’t.

[DishLady]

I think you're either overthinking things or just trying to twist facts to justify the guy's "get it yourself" dbagery. So if you saw someone who looked like she was about to pass out and needed a glass of water you'd say "get it yourself, you're an independent woman"? You'd have to be massive dbag.

[Spencer10]

A women who does not NEED a man... but wants a man. She is totally in control of her own life and choices.

[OlderAndWiser]

There’s probably some history behind that comment. Marine he has offered help in the past and got a rude reply that, “I don’t need your help; I’m an independent woman!”

[DishLady]

i don't think that's their history at all. She's never presented herself that way to him or anyone in his circle.

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe something happened in private between them. Maybe he got burned by being a caretaker in a previous relationship and this brought back old memories. Who knows?

[DishLady]

I don't think getting a person in need a glass of water is quite the same as caretaking for an invalid person... It's common courtesy in my opinion.

[OlderAndWiser]

Emotional responses are usually illogical.

[spartan55]

Because we are tired of hearing the 'I don't need no man' bullshit from all directions.

[DishLady]

No one there said that at all in this scenario.

[MidnightRivers]

To me it sound slike he's defelcting responsibility, due his lack of care. His response sound smore insensitive that principled in my opinion

[exitseven]

what an asshole.