Guys, how do you feel about independent women?

Question

I'm referring to women who pride themselves on being independent and able to take care of themselves whether it be financially, physically, mentally, etc. Would you date a woman like this?

I was talking to one of my male friends and he said he would never date a woman who didn't make him feel needed in some way. So, I was curious about how other men feel about this.

Meedo · Accepted Answer

Your question is tricky because it contains two elements , not one.

An indépendant woman , in the positive sense , doesn't need a man for her survival ( Basic human needs) . You don't need me for your food, pension, beauty, clothes, summer vacation. But you need me for how i inspire you , how i motivate you , how great i make you feel. I am your rock that you can rely on in times of trouble. This doesn't make you a less independent woman , the male energy completes your existance and there should be nothing weak about admitting that.

I am indépendant man , i dont need a woman for my survival, i don't need any one cooking or cleaning or decorating or healing me when i am sick. But i need the feminine touch and energy for sweetness, comfort , laughter, affection , softness. That doesn't make me a less independent man. The female energy completes my existence.. and there is nothing weak about admitting that.

While i applaud that women are getting more equal to men, make sure that you don't deceive yourself about the realities and differences between men and women. Men are not your enemy and they are not your competition. Don't be this single angry lady at 40 something repeating '' i am a strong independent woman and i don't need a man !''

Investigator · Accepted Answer

See, in my opinion, there has to be a balance. A woman who, like some of the other contributors have noted, is so independent that the very idea of "being with a man" is the semantic equivalent of "having to settle with mediocrity" to me, would be a blaring red flag. Being cold, distant, acting superior and condescending, why would anyone want to deal with that?

I want a woman in my life who is kind, generous, compassionate, and able to help me when I am in need as well as herself; in that regard, she doesn't "need a man", but chooses to be supportive with one. Who pushes her man to be his best self and he does the same in turn; who will not bow down to him when he is disrespectful, because she deserves better. Biologically, the sexes are different, but when those differences are taken into consideration, should not both people have both dependence and independence from and with each other?

Autonomy with accountability. That, in my mind, is the definition of Independence. And any women who says that this is simply the Patriachy talking needs to ask themselves the obvious question: what is the better alternative?

Hannah591 · Accepted Answer

I pride myself in my independence. I don't like appearing like a damsel in distress that a man feels compelled to save. My tutor even called me "Miss independent" when I was going down loads of stairs with loads of my luggage that obviously looked very heavy but I was managing it fine (I'm pretty strong) and refused help from him. Other have gotten this independence vibe from me.

I pay for all my stuff. I went out with a guy on Friday and he kept insisting he paid for my drink but I said to him and the bar man that it's the 21st century, I can pay for my own stuff and that I had more money than him anyway (not in a patronising way). I feel the only person I can truly rely on nowadays is myself. I would dislike it if guys were intimidated by that. I still like a guy's company but I can usually do most things myself and don't appreciate it when someone assumes I'm unable to do something because I'm a woman.

Esplorare · Accepted Answer

My guess is that some men love it and find that fire to be extremely sexy and highly attractive. They want an independent woman to guide their daughters. :) They love the strut and vibe of an independent women who gives no vibe of weakness or dependency.

However, some men simply feel threatened by it. A needy, dependent women is apart of what makes them feel solid and firm in their masculinity.

Then you have some independent women who are so independent that they come across as snooty, arrogant, and make any and every man jump through hoops just to prove that he is worthy of her consideration let alone an actual chance with her.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I feel like this song should be on this thread...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9brRClzXLY0

Gotta love that independence. ^^ Doesn't mean you don't want a man to share life, love, companionship, intimacy, affection, etc. with, but you're definitely capable of taking care of yourself. :)

evenlift · Answer

Every man and every woman should lead rational, productive, independent lives. I would certainly date a genuinely independent woman.

However, the 'independent woman' who has allegedly been produced by five decades of feminism is not a genuinely independent woman. If a woman is (via welfare, workplace regulations, etc) dependent on government, she is no more independent than a woman who lives off her husband! In fact, this traditionalist arrangement is actually superior to the feminist arrangement because the traditionalist arrangement is a voluntary arrangement and because it is honest.

While it is very rare for me to find anyone of either sex who is consistently for freedom and responsibility, it is much more common for me to find men than women who are at least willing to take the bulk of responsibility for their own lives. That said, both sexes have been infantilized significantly by the various political ideologies implemented into policy by government over the decades, but women definitely much more so than men because of the huge influence of feminism.

So, yes, in summary, independent women are awesome. But, what is typically labelled an 'independent woman' is no such thing.

Mesonfielde · Answer

Of course I would, I am looking for a life partner, not an oversized toddler whose body is legal. Although technically, people usually date to get some of their needs met that require other people, no? That being emotional reciprocation, intimacy, affection, etc. And also enjoying each other's extended company.

Arcano · Answer

This topic can be reversed to men, too. I can't imagine ever spending my life with someone in such a way if they weren't independent. It is one thing if they have a disability or medical condition that therefore requires more attention or understanding. And an entirely other situation if they are clingy, suspicious, voluntarily idle, and treat me like a maid.

mr90skid · Answer

Yep :) one of my fears when it comes to dating is not having enough alone time I need with out upsetting my girlfriend. Nothing against her but I don't like having to see each other every single day, I need the space. With both of us working hard, not only would we be able to save up, our time we do spend together would be even more special and most likely more affection. Also, as long as she's not the cynical man hating type who is quick to threaten to leave every time shit goes down.

Anonymous · Answer

The first lady I dated was an "independent woman" like you described. She dumped me in less than a week because I was too "clingy" (it was my first EVER attempt at a relationship at a much older age than most). We were friends beforehand, and we stayed friends, but it was awkward for a while.

My fiancee is somewhat clingy, while I have become more laid back since my earlier attempts at dating. It sometimes gets a little tiring, but I much prefer it over someone who is so independent that they don't even need you around. I mean, what's the point of dating someone if they don't want to be with you all the time? If you get married, you're going to have to share a house.

Anonymous · Answer

Being confident and valuing herself and being truly dignified is a very attractive quality, so absolutely yes. Could you help me on mine pls?

1GuyOpinion · Answer

Now , your friend never say he refuse to date independent woman, he said he would never date a woman that don't need him in any way. It sound like a woman that don't value his contribution to the relationship is a turn-off for him, and for me too.

Words_and_Wisdom · Answer

I prefer independent women. A woman able to take full responsibility for her life and happiness is one of the biggest turn ons I can see in a woman.

JSmuve · Answer

If her independent attitude leaves her cold, callous, distant, and bitchy then I wouldn't want to stay around her.

But if she's caring, affectionate, and loving in addition to being independent then that's perfectly fine.

Aud_Queen · Answer

I think it's the attitude that turns them off and not the actual fact that she can go at it alone. The fact that she says so is offensive apperently.

The_Technomancer · Answer

Personally I'd love an equal partner in a relationship so a "truly" independent woman would be awesome.

Anonymous · Answer

As long as she isn't a man hater. Man hating and the description you gave seem to be part of the same package a disappointing percentage of the time.

They're admirable qualities, but they now are a red flag to me. When I see them, I start screening a girl a thousand times harder. I've had some really bad experiences I'd prefer not to repeat.

Illusive_Man · Answer

Why would that be a bad thing lol? Tho I understand his concern of "neediness" .  If the other party doesn't feel needed , then why would the party stay?

Jersey1 · Answer

A girl who is independent, yes. A girl who prides herself on being independent, no. The latter just seems annoying.

RainbowFanGirl · Answer

Sorry, I just thought of this song. :) And I think many men like that kind of women.

Watermelonoma · Answer

Well, i would personally be quite alright with that. In many respects, a girl who wants to date you but doesn't need you is a lot better than a girl who needs you but wants you only out of convenience or desperation

CincinnatiRedsfan · Answer

I voted "A" Not only would I date a girl like this, I PREFER women like this. There is no reason to revert back to traditional gender roles.

Consultant · Answer

Ok this is important to me: I loveeeee really confident girls that are emotionally self-reliant. But it's important to let me be a gentleman though. I knew this girl that refused to let me open doors for her, I couldn't believe it.

jacquesvol · Answer

I would not date a woman who isn't independent and who isn't capable to take care of herself.

CarnalKoala · Answer

Independent women are more capable of coping with me consistently making an ass of myself. Definitely a plus.

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