What's your view on "independent women"?

[BamVeilo]

Just lately, I've been seeing talk everywhere about the independent woman. As a woman who lives on her own at the ripe age of 20, I work for what I need to pay for and for those unforgettable weekends. I've recently had this discussion with my best friend and his mates and their opinions consisted of either major turn off to major turn on. There was no middle ground. Is this generally the case with men? Pros and cons for both make me think that being an "independent woman" or not shouldn't be a deal breaker :s - This has me stumped!

Updates

+1 y

Thanks to everyone and their opinions! - Helped a million! :)

[kholland65]

Ok, first of all, I think the male definition of an independent women is different that the female. In many cases, the girls who claim to be "independent", really aren't. Let me explain.

99% of guys prefer an independent woman. What that means is, is like the word implies. We want you to be self sufficient day to day. You don't require me for your personal chores, emotional support, companionship, etc. all day, every day. In real terms, it basically means, you go nuts if a day goes by that you aren't with us, or that you don't go crazy if an hour goes by where we don't' text you.

I think what guys really want is a girl who is "emotionally" independent. Not necessarily materially independent. It's great you live on your own, its great you are financially independent, its great you have a job, but that doesn't necessarily make you an "independent women", if you still need to be with me 24/7 or talking to me 24/7 and are an emotional mess when we're not together.

At the same time, many self proclaimed independent women, are so emotionally dependent that they appear closed off. They think they are looking independent, and like they don't care about men, that they just come off as a cold hearted bitch who isn't friendly. Many of these independent women, almost purposely repel men away from them, and refuse to let their guard down because they are so concerned about looking dependent on men. It's not much different that how guys will try and hide their emotions to look more masculine, but in doing so is makes them seem cold and distant. The reality is men and women naturally want to be with each other, and we all understand that. There is a certain level of dependence that isn't just acceptable, but is expected.

There has to be a middle ground, where you can still be kind, show some affection, and let your guard down and allow your emotions to (within reason) to roam free and fall in love, but at the same time, not be so dependent on this emotional roller coaster, that the emotions become like a drug to where you are permanently attached at my hip.

So contrary to what girls complain about, us guys do like an independent women. It's a major turn on to see a girl who is mature, can live on her own, do her chores, cook for herself, drive herself places, go to work, and live and adult life on her on, it just becomes a turn off, when you turn into one of those arrogant bitches who acts like your the queen of the earth and all guys are worms who would love to be so lucky as to have the privilege to go on a date with your highness.

[Confucius16]

I don't think it is that bad for a woman to live by herself. I think it's just that many guys are intimidated by a woman who can pay her bills and take care of everything by herself. They are also intimidated because this kind of woman probably has a steady career and is really intelligent in order to be able to live by herself.

While I think it is fine for a woman to be independent, I think it is best if a woman and a man get together, as long as they love each other. Instead of two separate independent people, together, they can pay the bills and generally pay for many things together, along with splitting the housework. Much less work. Also, in a good relationship, each person complements the other, so together, they are much happier and better off than they are separate.

[confugirl]

I don't think it's a deal-breaker per se, at least if you don't call yourself independent. When guys hear a woman call herself that, they assume she's "one of those" women. The women who get upset when guys hold doors open for them or when they offer to help them with their luggage, or pull out chairs for them. Women who don't let guys do them little favors are very unattractive.

So you can be independent, just let guys do you favors if they want to and ALWAYS offer to pay, but don't insist on it if the guy offers to pay for you. That's all I'm saying. Be independent when you need to, but don't insist on it.

[RedSmartie]

Some guys are really insecure about women who are independent. Women who survive on their own date guys because they want them rather than need them and therefore will not become emotionally dependent on him which means she is more likely to leave if he screws up. Guys that prey on women's dependency and use it to take advantage of her will not like you.

But a guy who is of sound mind and legitimately wants love, not dominance and power, will be into a girl like you. So you will get the good ones who are not insecure.

[PoeticNinja]

Some guys like the idea of taking care or having the woman be dependent on him. In that case, he holds more power.

Others like when a woman can handle things on her own.

But some 'independent' women - Their mindset is like "I don't need a man for anything" - they're full of pomp.

It's not a deal breaker, if you can balance it.

I mean, I'm independent in other aspects.. - Just not financially. I have a father for that until then..

I don't think guys mind either way. Again, balance.

[footballfan993]

I think that independence is a great thing to have whether you are a man or woman. As a feminist, yes, men can be feminists too, having independence is important. Being independent means that you are able to care and provide for yourself, You can still be independent, but still be dependent. Such as with a couple, whether they are married or not. A couple depends on each other for support, whether it be love, emotional, physical, financial, or other things. And while you may be dependent in a(n) area(s), you are still fully independent without your partner being there, and you are still able to live your life without them in it. I find that independence in a person is a great quality to have.

[unleashedsavage]

depends on the guy. Generally men today are looking for class and exciting.I know most guy said they love a girl who is goofy and has a good sense of humor. but can be serious and smart as well, I'm sure guys are tired of the out-dated blond, "is it chicken or fish?" or "she's dumber than a door-post I'll have her for a nightstand decoration" and are looking for someone with a fresh point-of-view.To me kudos on being independent, at least your not like certains snobs living of their family legacy or rich daddy wallet.

[Anonymous]

Independence is needed for anyone who wants to be on their own. How does a lone wolf survive, if not because it can take care of itself?

However, most of us don't plan to be a lone wolf forever. And then--when you want to team up with someone to make your own pack, why would he *like* you to be completely independent of him?

Divorce and marriage is a *lot* riskier for men than for women. Hearing "I'm an independent woman" doesn't turn on one. It says, quietly, "I don't need a mate, you're just around while you hold my fancy. Things turn rough, I get bored, etc... I'm fine off on my own again."

[Anonymous]

If I am in a relationship with someone it's not for independence. When I am with someone I am with them to share time and lives together. I don't need and I most certainly don't want a relationship unless we have dependency on one another. I don't need relationships, and I won't enter into another unless it's with someone I'm very serious about and there is a very powerful mutual attraction among other things. Hey, maybe this is just me, but I prefer sticking to more traditional ideals. Dependency is for singles that want to stay single, or people that aren't serious about commitment or the values of a serious relationship.

[Hamburgers]

Girls say they want a guy who's a "man."

So when a girl is a "woman", that goes against "independent woman."

Somehow that's negative when the shoes on the foot...

Nonetheless, I'm indifferent. She's doing what we've done for millions of years. She want a cookie?

[Anonymous]

some men are intimidated by it because it means they can't own you.

[Anonymous]

i love independent woman bcoz they are smart and supportive... thumbs down for those dependent money diggig bitches

[Anonymous]

I keep my distance from those.