When a woman says “I’m an independent woman,” what do you actually hear?

Question

What does this statement say to you?

ShadezMcgee · Accepted Answer

I am honestly exercising patience and restraint when those words pop up because it depends on the context.

Like I said in my myTake, those words have been used by militant feminists and misandrists to the point that every time a woman says it, we immediately associate them with those women and our guard instantly goes up and we are preparing for an argument.

Independence is fine if you use it as a way of supporting yourself and are stable, but don't go about voicing it over and over. However if it is being used as a way to come off as a strong, badass, don't need a man feminist vibes, hard pass.

No different from how men who like to tout being "Alpha" or "King" or women doing "Boss ass bitch" and "Queen". It's cringe as fuck. If you embody independence, you don't need to proclaim it for all of us to hear. You simply do. It's too easy. By voicing it it really comes off insecure and a need to be acknowledged and respected which will only cause the opposite.

They will be seen as, arrogant, condescending, unappealing and unapproachable with that kind of behavior. Who wants to deal with an aggressive, defensive, insecure or bitter woman who needs to voice it?

Why deal with hearing that? No thanks. Pass. Give me a woman who is independent and knows it, minus the vocalizing. I will see it and respect that more than a woman who needs to say it.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

that would depend on the context... why did they say it, when did they say it, where they asked about it? or are just they announce it and why would they?

basically, I do not make assumptions just on these few words, there are always reasons, so I rather see and look for those reasons, not to reach to conclusions rather assumptions of my own but maybe this is not the kind of answer you're looking for, maybe you're interested on the "first impressions" when someone hears these words

so... just to go with that, most of the times my first impressions could be.. "this person wants to convey something to someone, or everyone, or themselves" and the usual would be about that, to tell people that they don't need to be take care of, they can take care of themselves, by themselves and ALSO another element "I make my own decisions"

so to me those are the two things I would assume from these words... "I make my choices and I can afford them" sort of speak, and then, after that... there might be reasons as to why are they saying these things

lilyanony1 · Accepted Answer

I'm living responsibly as an adult making decisions for my life now and the future.
I assume she has her shit together, like living alone, has a stable job, maybe drives, has a pension set up. Is able to take holidays and or has a little or lots of money to "play" with.

She doesn't ask anyone for hand outs but is able to support and help others if needed!

Apple1996 · Accepted Answer

I feel bad for them. They shouldn't have to live a life where they have nobody else to depend on besides themselves.

So I guess what I hear is that "I have nobody in my corner so I have to do it all myself" which like I said is just sad. We aren't meant to live like that. We are all meant to have a village. Family/friends/spouse/kids to be there for us.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

95% of the time I hear "I'm a needlessly difficult person to deal with, and I will discard you as soon as you stop validating me."

Bluemax · Answer

When I see an independent woman, I feel the same way I feel about an independent man. That's as it should be.

I would add to this that the most independent women I have known, have *never* actually proclaimed themselves as such.

As an aside, in your reply to hairylegs222, you write, "You should feel ok being single, though."

I have known too many people who are deeply saddened at the prospect of never knowing the romantic loving touch of another. I have friends in such a situation. 50something year old virgins who have never so much as romantically kissed or even held someone. My brother has watched too many disfigured people march to their graves unloved and untouched. Many were ok with it. Many were not. Having befriended and spoken to those who are not ok with it, some of whom have been alone approaching twice as long as you have lived, MzAsh, I can tell you what makes it worse. When well meaning people such as yourself start telling them how they *should* feel.

When an innate drive, a very natural longing goes unfulfilled, when someone is sad at the thought of never experiencing romantic touch, that's very understandable and I'm not about to belittle their sorrow by telling them how they *should* feel.

Alph101 · Answer

Older dude here ,
I started dating after a long relationship called marriage ended she ended it after 20 years
She was an independent woman she just didn't know it not until we divorced,
I say independent because she created her own financial independence during and after our marriage and after she did the girls only week at a time road trip and air trips yet she never came off as one who felt she needed people to know she was an independent woman nor did she need to prove it which I can say is much more attractive
Even more so was her genuine and gragarious way of her affection but could read you from mile away
And not in a presumptuous way she listen well spoke well university educated but time would have if she would wait no longer with work being so competitive for me too many missed vacations, birthdays and most other important dates of o opportunities on my part that my competitive alpha male ending this lifelong commitment, well I say she had enough of too little , rightfully so ,
I took two years off to get some things in order before dating again, and now dating a woman who claims to be an independent woman, I have to say much of what is being said, about the independent woman is nothing like the one that I still know ,
So I'll close with this because I'm getting ready to pick up my indie date for dinner this is an indication of who will be driving and who will be covering tonight's dinner bill, by the way , this is my personal experience and not that of anyone who may consider themselves well you know , independent,
Thanks for reading ,

Lliam · Answer

If she came out with a statement like that, I'd asked what she meant.

I actually like women who are independent in the sense of having the ability to support themselves. I think courage, pluck, determination, savvy, smarts, and work ethic is admirable.

But if she had a competitive and hostile, radical feminist attitude toward men, I'd distance myself.

I like the lady-gentleman game in which she allows a man to feel manly by treating her tenderly. A woman can be independent and still be feminine and sexy.

chicosuave · Answer

its a huge turn off for me. I will run away as fast as i can. i now for sure those types of women will end up alone for the rest of their lives until they die. no doubt on that. im already seeing a lot of 40 year old single women saying that. its disgusting. If women want to go extinct thats ok. We men can invent humanoid women who are more receptive and are willing to submit. its already happening with female robots. Women can just go live in a different planet and we men are able to survive no matter what.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

They're in the same category as a vegan that just has to tell me about it... or one of those weird sexuality things that people just have to tell me about. It's like okay... you're not a real person, and you're making 'this' your identity because you don't have a "real" identity. Insert race + pride = equals the same shit to me.

They're the type of people you already know, who will not say anything interesting, can't make a joke, and literally don't have anything going for them beyond material things. They are boring ass people. Probably prone to being offended... swipe left on their pride and they get mad.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

It's like the men who say "I'm a nice guy" to try and impress girls. If you have to announce that you're "strong and independent" you're probably not. True strength speaks for itself, its embodied in character and action and reputation. Just flip the genders and think how hard you'd cringe if you met a guy for a date and he started bragging how he's "strong and independent" and that he puts career above everything, including you, and in fact you're barely on his radar at all, you know, because of all those "options" he has as a strong independent man. Whereas if a guy is ACTUALLY strong and independent, you'd feel his strength, and witness the fruits of his independent achievements, a without him ever needing to draw attention to it or label it.

Hairylegs222 · Answer

That word "independent" I find unattractive from women. It's like throwing it in our faces that you're proud of being self sufficient and gives me a big vibe you're ok staying single. Providing for yourself successfully on your own is a good thing... But every adult should do this by default and it isn't really something to show off about. It's a normal everyday life of adults or should be.

I own my house and live alone but never use that independent word. I just tell people I'm a home owner, single, and have been looking for that one woman for me majority of my life. That's actually saying I want a woman. Not throwing it in your faces I'm "independent", giving you that vibe that I don't need or want a woman.

Noahzaid · Answer

Even though being an independent  woman  is a  Excellent personality  trait but I can’t help but think that this  woman  isn’t a person I would consider  mature  enough because In  reality , An  independent  person wouldn’t have the time to  explain  their  independence  nor do they consider being  independent  a choice to clarify it. It would  simply  give me the  impression  that this woman is  brainwashed .

backdoorman · Answer

I think the same things that I would think of a man who feels the need to exclaim "I am a strong impendent man". Any normal adult is an independent person, but when they feel the need to tell someone about it, it sends a clear message that they have issues of some sort. I mean it's great that you have a job and drivers license, but that's like a minimum requirement to be an adult, isn't it? So anyone who actually says it as if it's something to be proud of sounds like a child saying "guess what, I know how to tie my own shoes!".

DrBanana · Answer

It really honestly depends.

If it’s in a calm manner then and brought up in a respectful way I would normally think they are a well put together person.

If it’s all ( and I hate to admit this) super female empowerment aggressive attitude about not needing a man and kinda either going on about how men are inset negative statements here.

It’s kinda super rude and really showing of self entitled ego.

That being said as the Americans say “ go and slay queen” but remember humility is an awesome trait both for men and women.

Luopio27 · Answer

Its like guys telling girls they are confident.
I think they want out of the golddigger stereotype by assuring they pay their own bills.

Ehat I find strange in my Santa Claus Finland country of mine, is seeing highly educated women married to men who are at least as well educated, as in university level, as they are. I never hear of cases where the man earns only the minimum wage of McDonalds salary while the woman earns many times that working as a doctor, engineer or a lawyer.

Im not here to bash on women. Men have their flaws too for being shallow, lusting over the prettiest ones and settling only for the best they can get. Shalow men belong in the same curve as snobby upper class bitches that only looks good. Im one of these shallow world citizens.

darealmvp2015 · Answer

I hear that she’s a self supporting woman who is going to invest time and effort into a person only if they’re worth the time and the effort. I hear that she doesn’t need them to survive because she’s capable of that on her own.

It’s almost as if I hear the words and interpret them to mean exactly what they mean when used by anyone else.

nolabels · Answer

It totally depends on the way in which she said it, her body language, and the mindset I was in when I heard it.

It could mean anything from, "I'm about to get the fuck of my life" to "Good Lord, what does this bitch want?", and anything in between.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

That’s what i hear. I expect adults to say what they mean and mean what they say. This way i can accept their words at full face value. Unfortunately many people have grossly lacking vocabularies and it appears to be very trendy to change the meanings of old words with long-standing meanings.

Weapon77 · Answer

Depends on how she says it. Most girls sound like they are trying to outdo or say they don't need men evern though we all need each other. But I know plenty of girls who say it and mean that they don't want to use men for their money and don't want to be treated like children by their family or anyone else, which is fair.

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

I am busy with my life. I need you to adjust in my life. I am in that phase of my life where I simply cannot afford to invest my time anywhere other than my career or productive time. Hence, its up to you, whether to be with me or not. Your choice.

That is what my reaction is. But modifications are made based on the girl, but this is the most basic crux.

As you may have noticed, it does not have to do with money at all, but with the time, for me. The priority.

SnowedIn · Answer

Depends on the context in which she has said it. But in most cases what I hear her saying is "go away". It's a disappointing statement in and of itself. If a woman has a career, has an important hobby, has a family she's taking care of by herself, has a [fill in the blank] I'm happy and ready to celebrate her and her accomplishments and any of the independent-ness that comes with that. But just saying "I'm an independent woman" comes across as barriers being put up.

DudeDiligence · Answer

I hear a woman sending the message that she has a chip on her shoulder and something to prove, which is the opposite of what most normal men, including myself, want in a woman.

Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate her saying it. She has done me a favor.

genericname85 · Answer

"i have father issues or internalized trauma and i have strong opinions about oppression of women that are based on missinformation and feminist propaganda.

or alternatively: "i am a career woman that doesn't really have time or space in her life for a man or a family but i'm still driven by my female genes to seek for that even though it's not compatible with my personal development choices."

Desconhecida · Answer

It depends on the gender. Women imagine empowerment and successs - self worth. Men imagine high maintenance, radically feminist (most of the times, also lesbian) shrewd.
It's not a rule, though. And I also don't blame the guys who might have this idea since these days female strength is easily disconnected from being feminine.

femalenpc · Answer

I think it's to make herself feel like she's a top shelf, valuable person. It's kind of like a pep talk that she's giving herself. "I'm a hot, funny, classy, in-de-pen-dent wo-man," in guy language would be, "You got this, playa!"

TroyDT2 · Answer

It depends. If it comes from someone who clearly is, I hear the truth but wonder why she feels the need to announce the obvious. When it comes from an EBT-collecting, free-housing receiving never married mom of four from multiple guys, I hear delusion.

LazerBean · Answer

"I'm insecure and I feel the deep need to prove myself to everyone around me, and I'm very loud about it."

serious_miss419 · Answer

It means that she’s not codependent and that she can pay her own bills and that she has her own vehicle that she pays for and that she has her own job and she worked hard for that she earned her position on her own and that she lives on her own without the help of other people

USLegionary · Answer

I hear a woman who feels the need to tell me she's an adult. A grown woman who tells me she makes her own money, pays her own rent, drives her own car, takes care of herself and so on, yeah you are supposed to do that.

menina · Answer

It tells me that she's able to pay her own bills, that she's not waiting for a man to "save" her. Also, that she doesn't need to be in a relationship to be happy.

Miristheiss · Answer

I am a feminist.  I don't need men.  My career is my life's priority.  Girls trips and nights out at the club and bar are to be expected even if in a relationship.

normalice · Answer

I have actually never heard anyone say that, be they man or woman. As for having it written in social media profiles... well, I just disregard it as I do all social media profiles.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

I'm resistant, stubborn, and disagreeable. I won't be there for you, and you cannot rely on me beyond the passing chance you provide me momentary interest.

libsaretards · Answer

I hear "I'm a very insecure female so I need to try to prove myself against a man and compete against him instead of us being a mutually respectful team and I need to be in charge always".

Qdbrown · Answer

I am hard to deal with, I am going to play my options with you, and before it's over with, I will be exclusively with my fur baby, a box of wine to any subpar guy.

Haha456 · Answer

this site is so sexist.  the endless obsession with independent women and housewives is REAL

Finchie40 · Answer

That she is selfish and only cares about herself , she is more likely to cheat and do what’s best for her

misfittoy · Answer

depends if they actually have the true meaning of the word to back up their statement, which majority do not.

SamIam96 · Answer

Often what she's really saying is that she's insecure and needs affirmation. You'd never hear "I'm an independent guy."

RealMarek · Answer

It depends on the context. In my case, the woman I am with now meant that she works in a job that allows her to cover her expenses and she wasn’t looking for me to support her financially.

Lionman95 · Answer

"I don't need either you or anyone else and I can whatever I want."

Bethany22 · Answer

I interpret it as that they are not the warm and cuddly type

skilled_jellyfish · Answer

Independence is the bear minimum to being an adult, so it just indicates she has trouble with her femininity after having had a couple of bad dates.

dustybiker · Answer

She needs to run her life. That doesn’t mean alone, it does mean without relinquishing all control over it.

Brittanyroseee · Answer

That I don’t need a man to take care of me and i can do it myself and i also choose to be child free cuz i can🤷🏼‍♀️

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I hear: "I hate men, and I don't understand the value of friendship, family, or spouses, and I think everyone should toil and struggle their life away."

CaptainSmartass · Answer

I hear "I'm a sexist pig, and I demand all your attention without giving you any. You also need to buy me lots of expensive stuff. You won't even get 2p out of me." Simples...

purplepoppy · Answer

A miserable joyless cow with a massive chip on her shoulder that bitches about everything.

inhua · Answer

she's only independent until the "right man" comes along

Nik1hil · Answer

What I hear  "Men are useless to me, and if they weren't in this world, I wouldn't be affected in any way!"

AmandaYVR · Answer

She's goona be trouble. She's saying it as a threat, or she's angry or defensive.

fonduegirl · Answer

That she wants me to join her feminist movement... Which I already have.  Looking into a mirror, sista!

XHopelessRomanticX · Answer

It depends on the person, and sometimes it depends on how they say it and why.

letuswaltzforthedead · Answer

Nothing positive, just women waiting to hit the wall.

loveslongnails · Answer

I have to admit, I seldom hear a woman say that. If I did, my thought would likely be she's trying to tell me she supports herself financially and/or she's not in a relationship with any man.

KennethNoisewater · Answer

"give me a bob haircut and a manager. Tell him Karen wants to speak to him/her."

DeltaRecon · Answer

Man hater. That’s what I hear to be honest.

Summeroflove · Answer

Depends on how she says it and the context.

exitseven · Answer

I don't even know anymore. She could be one of these liberated types or maybe just wants to get some attention.

Mmmariaxc · Answer

She wants you to sign up to sell some really expensive make up/leggings/supplements with her.

LogicBomber · Answer

It usually means that she is an arrogant entitled child who doesn’t see the endless privilege she has being a female and how much she actually relies on men to get through life.

AviatorTom · Answer

"I'm a bitch and I will control you!"

AsaKyo · Answer

Makes me think she's an extreme feminist, most likely

When a woman says “I’m an independent woman,” what do you actually hear?

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