OK, this is getting out of hand. So apparently I can’t talk to a girl legally now?

[Dbman99]

Sorry for being repetitive, but this is the second girl at work that went to HR about me. I am 48 years old. I am autistic male who never dated a girl and is looking for a girlfriend. However, this girl, I had no interest in, she came in on a situation that I scheduled at work, and she started to talk to one of the clients as I was, and then when she left, I left as I was called over by another coworker that had to tell me something, and then when I went back, she came back. And now is finding me creepy when I was literally doing my job. The girl before that who I expressed feelings to who was a very close friend of mine, who granted did get out of a very tough relationship previously, found out I liked her and with me trying to be a friend still threatened a restraining order. Not to mention a girl in my 20s told my friends I was scary, which they didn’t understand. People that know me don’t understand why people or women say this. I don’t get it. It’s all over movies. It’s all over TV. I’ve heard it said by many friends you like a girl you gotta make a move. I’m very hesitant and shy and scared to do it but I try to tell people or flirt or interact. I’ve been in therapy my whole life. No avenue has ever gotten me a date as far as the dating world. When is that girl that is put on this earth for me going to show up? I do not want to be alone anymore

Updates

4 mo

So to clarify, I am a Christian was also a democrat. Theater and acting is still my dream that I’m not willing to give up. I am still an aspiring actor between New York City and the New York area. I’ve been told that I am nicer than any nice person they’ve ever met because I’ll do anything for anyone. And I believe in Christian values not wanting to do anything until marriage.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

There’s a lot to this that tells me you’re not giving us the full context. These women wouldn’t do all this if you weren’t doing something that made you appear as a genuine threat, but clearly you don’t know what you’ve done wrong.

[Dbman99]

That is literally what HR told me the one girl said. But the girl I liked we were very good friends and all I did was talk to a friend of hers telling her am I giving her the space she needs and doing what I need to be for her to feel comfortable. And this is the second guy at this place and she tried to get fired.

[Dbman99]

I was literally bullied my whole life from kindergarten through high school. Never really had any friends I still never really developed any kind of social relationships.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

As much as I hate to suggest it, ABA therapy might be what you need

[Dbman99]

Sorry, what is that?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Applied Behavioral-Analysis therapy. The goal is to help you communicate better as an autistic person and decrease the harmful habits that are causing this situation for you at work.

[Dbman99]

OK, thank you maybe I will look into that or bring it up to my therapist, but we did find out through therapy is that I was emotionally abused by my father, bullied from kindergarten all through high school, which is on them, not me, and never really developed social skills. And the worst part about it is I’ve never experienced love and relations with other people

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Right, and I understand that, but maybe your desire to have everyone focus on what was done wrong to you makes it more difficult for you to admit to your own faults. An explanation for your mindset is not an excuse, and your behavior that you’re displaying now is trying to shift blame to someone else for something you did

[Dbman99]

I’m not trying to shift blame on anybody. I’m trying to find out what’s wrong with me

[Dbman99]

I’m always misunderstood and what I try to say or interpret

[Dbman99]

I did look it up though thank you at least somebody’s trying to understand what I’m trying to say. I’m sick of feeling small. I’m sick of feeling like everyone doesn’t like me for no good reason because it’s me. Do you know how many times I prayed for God to take my life. Do you know how much I cry all the time?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

So what you’re doing here is called “trauma-dumping” and it’s not a good thing to do to anyone, especially a stranger

[In_Trance]

You know, a great strategy to not being misunderstood or taken out of context at work is to stfu.
Studies have shown that regardless of who you are and where you work, by implementing this strategy there is a 0% chance that someone can go to HR claiming that you've set the wrong thing in the wrong way.
Talk to your doctor and figure out if stfu is right for you.

[Dbman99]

Try again

[Abbycado]

Who is saying you legally cannot talk to a woman?

[Dbman99]

Well, if someone wants a restraining order, what am I supposed to do. I haven’t gone near her since I’m just like the nicest guy you’ll ever meet which is what people want, right

[Abbycado]

She won't get one for you liking her, which is what you claim is. No one will give her a restraining order for that.

[Agape93]

Can confirm. That's not how it works dude. You have to prove to a judge that someone is a reasonable threat or has shown to a tendency to harass multiple times.

[Agape93]

And as an HR manager myself this shit makes no sense.

[Abbycado]

@Agape93 I think this is a woe as me complaint rather than a serious one, given the post's vibe to me.

[Agape93]

Agreed.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 then why would she send me those long tax saying that she’ll do that if I go near her. All I did was say I liked her but she’s getting out of a very tough divorce. I guess so I don’t know.

[Agape93]

Probably because you made her feel unsafe and uncomfortable

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 so literally she told me that I gotta be careful from talking to anyone. The girl that I told I liked was after a while of us being friends. Then because she heard I asked if I was giving her the space she needed as I just helped her with a huge load in on my day off, she sent me this huge long text message that I’m a predator and I asked someone else about her and she said even though she was trying to counseling me because she thought I was someone that needed help. She said it clearly didn’t work so now I’m an enemy. And all I did was sit there and cry at my desk. Because obviously I intended nothing like that. My father was abusive with me emotionally when I was a little boy. Zipper me up completely in a sleeping bag so I could barely breathe as punishment. I got bullied from kindergarten alter school. I was always different than everyone else and then found out I was autistic. The first girl I ever had the courage to ask out told me I should learn how to talk and walked away. The second girl told my friends I was scary in my 20s. And they didn’t understand it either because I’m somebody who would literally give you my shirt off my back. I’m someone that if you called me in distress I’ll be there. I’ll surprise you with gifts. I brought her gifts and she had tears in her eyes when I made her a painting. And then because I was trying to be what she needed in her life with the space she asked for by asking her friend she got all upset

[Agape93]

Yeah, I don't believe you or what you say. You've already lied on here.

[Dbman99]

So what was me because I was unwanted since birth? No one will ever be my friend? Yeah that doesn’t really make sense to me.

[Agape93]

Get over it. Life ain't fair so stop bitching and try with other people.

[Abbycado]

Yeah, dude. You expect everyone else to fix your problems. Do it yourself like an adult. We all have problems sometimes. The difference is we deal with them, not whine incessantly.

[Dbman99]

Yes, and I’ve been in therapy my entire life. I’ve done medication I’ve done everything I possibly could. I’ve tried so many different avenues. It’s the exact same thing no matter what I try to do for 48 years? So yes seeking help and trying to fix myself is something I have always done. I’m running out of options. I still want a wife and kids and a white picket fence.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 OK I’ll send you every text message. I’ll send you every single part of the communication. I’ve already lied yeah right you obviously don’t seem like you know what you’re talking about. Watch the DM’s.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 and why would I lie when lying is morally wrong? God created us all to be brothers and sisters and to love and be grateful for everything. He’s given us at all times. Just like waiting for that right person to be intimate. I do everything by moral code. I even drive the speed limit and will literally call the cops on people that tail me. I am gonna be that nice always polite night and shining armor, which is what people want.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 so you’re probably swear too right? Gross.

[Agape93]

Are you allergic to sending shit all in one go?

You'd lie same as everyone else. You already lied about the restraining order context.

Yeah I curse. Get the fuck over it. I'm not here to appeal to you.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 how am I lying when I can literally send you the text message she sent me.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 bottom line is this is what my life is. Whether I’m in a bar, whether I’m anywhere when I see a girl smile and they look away there’s something people just don’t want to even get to know me. And obviously you’re the same as everyone else thanks for being another bully in this world.

[Agape93]

And how can I verify that those are real and from the situation at hand, and not something you made up a story around when you found an already posted text stream? People do that all the time.

Get over it. Nobody in this world owes you fairness, kindness, a chance, their time or their body. If for decades nobody seems to want to be around you, there's a common denominator. You. You need to work on yourself and stop playing a victim. You want a relationship? A pity party like this is a damn good way to turn women off.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 this is what I don’t understand. I came here asking what is the problem, meaning me, and I misunderstood just says I am in person with every other person in my life. this is how I’ve learned to communicate by myself.

[Agape93]

What you said makes no sense. Rewrite it.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 OK, so I’m sorry if I said anything that was offensive or rude. I’m just having such a hard time right now my whole life I felt unwanted. And it doesn’t seem like it’s gonna change. I mean there’s so many times I pray to God to just take my life because I just don’t think I have a purpose anymore. I even feel like crying right this second as I’m writing this. Sorry if I’m bothering you I really am. I know you don’t need me pestering. But you said to rewrite it so this is trying to clarify the best that I can about that situation.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 So here goes…Maybe I’m never meant to be with a girl. This girl at work who I became very close friends with. She’s in her 40s and she’s dealing with mental health issues. As she went through a divorce that was actually violent to her. He harassed her and he’s coming back into her life. We became very close. I painted a picture for her of an animal that’s no longer in her life, and she cried and gave me the biggest hug ever. I would bring a coffee. She knows I’m autistic. But I developed feelings for her. Long story short I opened up to her to be honest and she respected my honesty and said she just isn’t in a position right now.. So I told her I don’t wanna lose her as a friend and we continue to talk and I this past Saturday I helped her do a big unload of heavy things. She was grateful text me again and that night, a mutual friend of ours was actually one of her best friends was bartending so I went to visit her and our friend. I this girl knew that I liked the other girl, but never said anything, and I told her that I did open up to her and let her know, and I said that I felt that she was kind of backing off and not liking things which she used to on Facebook and this and that, and I just wanna know if I’m doing the right thing and giving her the space that she needs because I don’t wanna hurt her I want her to know that I really care and want to be her friend.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 And this text I got that Monday afternoon, saying she “finds me creepy and predatory, I hoped my counsel would help. It clearly didn't. You took what was kindness and an attempt to help someone I saw as deeply hurting and in need of a lot of therapeutic support, and turned it into an entire warped scenario in your head, that does not exist in real life. It is so concerning that if you speak to me or come to me in any capacity not having to do with work, I will file harassment paperwork at work. If you ever try to speak to me, come near me or anything resembling contact outside of work, ! will call the cops. If that isn't clear enough for you, will be getting a restraining order, so it becomes crystal clear.
I do not even want a
response to this message.
Get the help you need.”….
Now she’s blocked me on Facebook and I just don’t want anyone thinking anything of me because this is not who I am.
Again, sorry if I’m bothering you, I really am. I don’t really matter so. But thanks for at least listening.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 did you forget about me? Lol just kidding. I know you’re probably busy or something. I just do value your opinion because you seem like someone who is literally real. And I could definitely use someone to just try to not just point me but shoved me in the right direction if you know what I mean. I really don’t wanna be alone forever.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 I did rewrite it like you asked

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 @Abbycado i’ve been checking this every day and I still don’t know if you got my message or response. You asked me to rewrite. So I did. It hurts when I see her at work every day go there. I just hope that we can run into each other and maybe I can save her from something and be a hero in her eyes.

[Agape93]

You still can't get the hint?

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 what hint?

[Agape93]

When to fucking stop bothering women. Like I don't know, not hearing from them for almost a solid month, and just reappearing daily to check, and keep pushing for contact.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 I constantly hear in movies and different things. You gotta keep making a move and then don’t give up. I don’t understand. Also said rewrite it. I live my life by literal terms, but I just want a wife kids in a home.

[Agape93]

That's your problem. You don't stop. You don't get context clues or social cues. You push and push for contact anyone else would recognize as inappropriate.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 so I don’t know how doing nothing will just happen? But maybe I’m just better off not being around.

[Dbman99]

@Agape93 but honesty. I’m sorry I’m sorry to bother anyone. I just wanna find my place.

[Mike_Hum]

don't try to fuck girls at your work.

[Dbman99]

I don’t want to I don’t believe so sex after marriage

[Anonymous]

Don't give up your therapy anytime soon.