Why do some women suddenly cut off male friends when they start dating someone new?

[ProbablyClueless]

I've seen this happen more with women than with men. I know there are men who do it though. Thankfully, it's only happened a couple times in my own life. This seems fairly common because I've seen and heard a lot about it from women and other guys.

I'll have a female friend, typically platonic, where everything is going perfectly smoothly. Suddenly, one day she meets another guy and gets super cold and unpleasant with me. No explanation. No heads up. Just suddenly icing me out one day. Really mean, shitty, standoffish behavior. Shutting the door super hard, instead of just saying "hey dude, I've started seeing this guy and I want to focus on my connection with him. I'm not comfortable with continuing our communications, as long as he's in the picture."

Now, bear in mind that WE NEVER DATED. This is not someone I was romantically entangled with,

It would make a bit more sense to me if we were romantic. But to my knowledge, we weren't romantic.

So... what the hell? Lol Why do so many go nuclear on friendships when they start dating someone new?

[HollyK21]

I think it’s nearly impossible for an opposite-sex relationship to remain fully platonic from start to finish unless certain stipulations are in place. Such as:


•one doesn’t find the other attractive or the feeling is mutual

•one is part of the LGB+ community, or even both of them are (like one is gay and one is lesbian)
•one or both are already romantically involved with someone
•they can’t be together due to distance or other obstacles that they aren’t able or willing to resolve


Outside of these stipulations, I believe it is hard to remain fully platonic through the entirety of that connection. For example, can you say that in the entire time you’ve been friends with this woman, you’ve had absolutely zero interest in her? Have you ever flirted or anything? Because I feel like a lot of times in these sort of friendships, one person catches feelings for the other and is just biding their time to an extent. Because when you think about it, everything is in place for those two to date. They share common interests, make time for one another whether that is to text, call, or hangout. They’re fond enough of each other to maintain and even prioritize that connection as opposed to just being acquaintances.


Taking all this into consideration, I feel like the natural and fair transition once one party enters a relationship would be to disengage from that friendship to some extent depending on the level of involvement, current and prior Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t “get rid” of any friends I had before meeting fiance, and any friends made while in a relationship is strictly mutual. However, I would definitely adjust how I navigate that friendship if my partner is justified in how he feels. Like I can’t fault him for not being comfortable sharing his gf’s time/attention with a straight, single, subjectively attractive dude if we’ve had any sort of flirtatious or romantic history.

[Nikki1989]

Sorry, but most of my male friends are very attractive. That is a silly reason to cut them off as friends.

[HollyK21]

I wouldn’t say anyone should cut off anyone simply for being attractive. I included that amongst other factors, such as them being single, straight, and too attentive. But like I said, I wouldn’t cut off any friends I had prior to the relationship unless the concerns were agreeable, which to me would be a past history of involvement at some capacity, even just a flirtatious dynamic. Any male friends I’m subject to making while being in a relationship would preferably be a mutual.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes the new boyfriend tries to get them to purge all their male friends from their life. She could certainly be polite about it either way, whether it was her decision or his tho.

[ProbablyClueless]

The hostility is definitely what makes it weird for me. Like, I totally get wanting to focus on the new boyfriend, but there's just no need to shut a social door like that. Especially in this most recent situation because she and I actually live in totally different parts of the country. Other times, this has been done by women I've known in person. There was absolutely no social cost to being cordial.

If the relationship doesn't work out, she's now alienated a perfectly good friendship. It's just sad.

[msc545]

Because they don't want the new guy to think that they are involved with other men, even though they usually are. If they are not immediately, then eventually they are

[dudeinohio]

Because their new partner may have issues. I think it's inappropriate to have opposite sex friends.

[Nikki1989]

They are not real friends. Friends don't cut off friends and those men that say women should cut off their male friends are giant red flags that any woman should avoid.

[WhitneySnow]

They’re afraid the guy won’t like it. And sometimes he doesn’t.

[WhitneySnow]

The guy they’re dating

[ProbablyClueless]

I guess. I just find the hostility they do it with really bizarre.

[WhitneySnow]

Maybe they think you’re hitting on them

[Anonymous]

I don’t know, but that’s not right

[ProbablyClueless]

It's not right at all! Honestly, it's pretty pathetic.