For those women who‘ve been in this situation, what is it that some women ditch their female friends for a guy they like know for 2 days?
I‘ve had it literally happening to me that my female friends ditched me when they met my ex and one of them even started hanging out and dating him. It‘s happening again, I have this female friend who ignores me when guys are talking to us. I find it hilarious now but I‘ve always asked myself why is this always happening?
I recently watched a show called „Euphoria“ and (SPOILER WARNING) there is a girl friend group where one female friend betrays her other female friend just because she wanted to date the ex of that female friend even though they considered maybe getting back together.
This can happen for a few reasons and generally, it says more about them than it does you. It’s unfortunate that you keep coming across these kind of people and I do feel for you, giving that I’ve had many of the same ‘friends’ throughout my life so here’s my two cents worth…
Some people just want/need to be loved. Often they’ve grown up in an unsteady environment and need that ‘anchor’ in their lives and that’s their sole motivation so don’t have any room for any other relationships, once a romantic one has been established.
It can happen where a person has been brought up in a family where social friendships weren’t a thing, or at least not a big thing, so they don’t understand the value/importance of them, or even how to maintain a friendship with people. Of course, where there are no social skills either via nature/nurture, this could also *potentially* translate as being autistic - being anxious about making friends, not knowing social norms, making mistakes etc. all of these possibilities are overwhelming to some and the sooner they can get away from it the better. Romantic relationships tend to differ because of an ‘end goal’ type of scenario (marriage, kids etc.).
Sometimes, particularly within female friendships, jealousy is a factor when they’ve met a new man. They don’t want any ‘competition’ getting in the way. Another aspect of the jealousy too, is sharing their friend with others - in romantic relationships, this tends to be between only 2 people so that person would always have top spot, some people are unable to accept anything less.
It can also be a control thing - people know what to expect from a romantic relationship whereas friendships can be a little different, some don’t cope well with this.
Some people only make friends with others in order to find a mate (night out buddy etc.), so the intention to sustain a friendship long term was never there in the first place. Common interests may not actually exist or they are unable/unwilling to put effort into more than one relationship at any given time.
Maybe the person already has a close knit family so feels that they don’t need any more friendships to make them happy.
Other than sexual pleasure, guys do not tell you how to think they just listen and give their opinion in one sentence but ultimately they are simple minded and dont escalate normal situations. Girls are good for if you eat up the fiction of who said what and who did this when and the backstories etc. And even if you're wrong they'll hype you up to go and do the stupid thing you want to do just to get the satisfaction of being petty. So when you're young, the crazy times with your best friends as a woman are memories you'll cherish for a long time, but when we grow up, yes, we have to calm down, and men are the opposite of us, and hopefully we find some guy who can calm us down so we can focus on what is important which is our peace and security. Now some guys add more problems to our lives, and thats why we have friends if it doesn't work out or he needs attention to his behavior and someone else needs to agree with you that hey this dude is playing and he must be stopped. But lets say that guy really is the one, what happens to our friends? Well, if they're really our ride or die, they will be there even if we become a boring predictable mature woman, and not just for the fun. But it's rare.
Oh believe me, I can relate to this. I once had a very close buddy of mine. Him and I were like best friends, way before the term "bro" was even used yet or now just coming close to that point of now being used.
Him and I were very close and best friends during high school in the mid-90s to the late-90s. During this time frame, this time period... he was working at this restaurant with this girl who just got out of a relationship. As soon as she made the moves on him,... BOOM! that was it. From that time forward, I began to see less and much less of him to the point where I just lost contact with him and that was it.
Fast forward 15 years later (especially by now when all of the social media platforms have now been developed & now in use) he reaches out and reconnects with me through Facebook. I was blown out of the water and thought I would never at all see him again. Nope, got the chance to reconnect and see him again. During the time I got the chance to reconnect with him again, apparently him and that same girl that he's been with for 15 years (Yes, the very same girl) got into a fight and broke up with him.
So here I am hanging with this guy again for like the next few days, then after those few days,... they ended up back together again. Then I thought "Oh great, here we go again",... I've tried to keep in contact with him but very little to no replies from him. Then 1 year later, they both ended up having a child together. From that point on, it's been about 6 to 7 years and still haven't heard from him since. Then I thought "Okay, whatever. He's done".
Because making a romantic relationship last and having a family doesn't include friends. They are living their story as you must live your's. You can evolve together and find your partner or you can just watch them get theirs and let more of your life pass you by. Life isn't all fun and games and actually it's thefl fun and games that offer the least rewards and greater bounties in life. Don't live for your friends, live for yourself, your dreams, and make those dreams a reality and savor them. A partnership and marriage are for two people, not 5, 16, 37, they're for just 2 people. And when you find someone truly special you don't ever want to leave their side or spend time with others as much. It's not personal, it's pair bonding. When it happens to you you'll understand.
I had a same thing happen to me but only difference was she never officially ended our friendship, she just kept using me for favors because I loved her as a friend while she never spent any effort maintaining our friendship. I was the only one putting in all the effort until one day, I just stopped talking to her. She said sorry and asked to rekindle the friendship, but I told her that I wasn't interested in being friends anymore. She has shown her true inner character through her actions.
These types of people see relationships as disposable, once someone better comes into their lives, they just drop you like they never knew you. these are the types of people that you need to stay away from. Quality of friendships have deteriorated through the years because nowadays modern people seek relationships to see what they can gain from others rather than to see what they can offer others. Back then during the 70s-90s, friendships were much more intimate and lasted forever. Nowadays, the average maximum term of a relationship is 5 years before it fizzles out.
Their parents were the "Me Generation". They casually had and they failed to properly raise, these trifling people today. It's not going to get any better until family values are reinstated nationwide.
Anybody who would date a friends ex is desperate. There are too many men in the world to go after somebody who dated a person you call a friend. The only way i could see that bring okay is if you know for sure the friend isn't into him. Like once i gave my little sister permission to talk to a guy who i had dated because i felt like he wasn't the one for me but still A decent guy. She didn't go for it though because of girl code. But aside from that, if your friend is in her OWN relationship with her own boyfriend, even if she only knew him for 2 days put on your big girl panties and deal with a little disconnect on her end. She has to devote some time to him and you gotta be okay with that. If she makes plans with him a lot just be patient. If they last long enough for the honeymoon phase to end she is eventually going to need some girl time when she gets tired of being under his ballsack 24/7 and miss you lol. If they break up she'll be back too. One way or another she'll be back. Just be happy for her that she met somebody. Now if what your saying is that your friends get rude in the precence of mem i have some bad news babe-you are bring used as a prop for them. They either want you stand there and let your existence make them feel like. the most attractive girl in the room or they want to make fun of you all to make themselves more desirable. This all goes back to her being desperate for a man and a miserable piece of shit. Dont take those kinds of womens behavior personally because its all coming frpm a place of deep insecurities
I remember I once planned to spend 3-4 hours with my friend and she left after one hour because her husband had the day off work and wanted to spend an extra hour with her before running errands, I thought she disrespected me by leaving, obviously her husband is more important than her friend but we arranged our meeting ahead of time and she sees her husband every day for several hours a day and her husband coming home an hour early was an unplanned event. I always honour my social contracts and do not ditch friends when more high priority people come along, first come, first serve.
I have had this situation in which a female friend was saying I was too 'guy crazy' to my other friends and this was the reason she distanced (I guess?). In this case, I think she had been raised to wait until marriage (not the example 'I'was given) and so she was really 'judging' me. But, 'listen', now... that I think about it, if she 'was' my friend she could have said something to me, like: "I think this guy might be using you'' or just asked if I really thought the relationship might lead somewhere instead of not speaking to me and talking to other people 'about' me (hurtful). She could have done a lot of things, but... she didn't. Now, 'she' is happily married and I'm still trying to overcome the effects of my insane life.
Who has a better chance building a long term and fulfilling future?
Hint: Its not your same sex friends. Theses relationships are useful but they don't make babies or long term security. If you keep abandoning the relationships that do in favor of them you will be miserable for the 2nd half of your life alone.
Friends that expect you to do that, are not real friends, as they are not respecting your needs.
I believe we all have the right to distance ourselves from others. But I believe it should be done with good communication. If you're close friends with someone, it's respectful to keep them in the loop of how you plan on spending their time. Aka, having good communication. So in my opinion, the friend who would abandon another is not being respectful of the other friend's time & effort.
@Sonorous Not telling you, your friends should let you just abandon plans without commutation. That is an indication of respect for others issues that would effect future relationships.
I'm just telling you that your same sex friends need to understand there are life objectives that must come first.
I think the good questions to ask are if @Brendlolita2 already understands that perspecitve? And if so, would good communication clear up any negative feelings?
Because to me, it only seems like she doesn't like the bad communication but I could be wrong.
It happens not only with female friends but also male friends. A woman will ditch her friend (male or female) for a guy she finds attractive. This is because biology reigns supreme. Unlike men, women have a very short windows of time in which to find a suitable mate and give birth to a healthy offspring. That is the biological number one priority. The converse will be a man, even a loving husband, will still have a one night stand with an attractive female, if he has the oppertunity.
I used to do this in high school, and I’ll tell you why.
Hormones go crazy when you’re a teenager. You want to feel loved, you want to feel special to the sex you’re attracted to. I had a best friend, and we both slowly stopped hanging out with each other to prioritize our boyfriends at the time. Its just what a lot of teenagers do, because they feel excitement. When you meet somebody new that you’re interested in, all you wanna do is spend so much time with them, to keep their interest, to show them you think of them. Typical infatuation.
In hindsight, it’s a shitty thing to do. But young people gotta realize that it’s okay to have a balanced social life, with your significant other + your friends. If they really love you, they aren’t going to think you don’t love them anymore, if you’re hanging out with your friends for a few hours!
Many years ago I did an anonymous study of men/women who drop their friends when they find a potential partner, and the honest consensus appears to be because they don't really value their friends. They only want them to use as standby to either get a partner or to be there for them in case they cannot get one.
I was once ditch my friends for a cute guy I like invited me to hang out at the park. Everybody like him as I do. That’s why I had to ditch them in order to take the opportunity and hope in my heart we build the future for both of us. Unfortunately it doesn’t happened because he is a pigsty jerk. I won’t ditch them again for a stupid guy.
In my finding its because the friends won't align with the relationship. Example: I personally dont care at all for party types, you may not be one. However if you have a lot of party type friends I wouldn't be impressed. While i may not be saying "ditch them" you may slowly distance yourself from it trying to impress me. Second thing I have seen is they were friends but interests changed and when you meet new peolle you tend to drift away.
Sometimes that happens. When you meet someone that you mesh with you want to be with them all the time. I don't think friends or family should be excluded but especially with new relationships this happens. I would talk to her and explain how you feel left out of her life since she met this man. She doesn't know if you don't tell her
I’ve experienced it once… with one of the closest girlfriends I’ve ever had. I honestly wish I had an answer for that question lol, but if I had to guess, I’d say they were blinded by lust? or maybe the friendship wasn’t as important to them as it was to you? or maybe they were somehow being manipulated?
Its happened and I wonder if they break up who they expect to help them pick up the pieces.
I think when you get a boyfriend you should maintain your individuality out of the relationship i. e go out with friends , learn new skills etc
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Try to understand that friends are usually friends forever and you will always be friends, but a potential mate is a rare opportunity one might not want to pass up. It's not that your friends don't think you're interesting anymore, it's that opportunities like that are fleeting.
Chances are, once she scores with the guy, your friendship with her will likely resume as it was before. Of course, this is just how I see it.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Happened to me during school, my best friend got a boyfriend and was soooo into him she changed with me without really noticing until after a while on her relationship. She never ignored me or left me alone, but I felt like a violinist for their romance at some point and started getting far from them cuz it just wasn't the same. Teenage love yk?
It's all a matter of habits - in the end, heterosexuals go having their central relationship with an opposite gender person. Male and female are meant to be friends, and in pairs by liking/affinity - we are not meant to team up with the same gender at all/have the same gemder friends. Transgenders, of whom there are quite a few (those 'circumcised') complicate it, since they always want what appears to be a same gender friend, but, for them, it is a romantic relationship.
I've heard about this but can't fully understand it either. But also it can be in reverse: some girls will ditch a guy because their friends influence them to.
Many men also do the same , if /when a woman comes into his life. I always thought women far preferred the company of other women , than men , in most cases.
It breaks my heart thinking I would have to ditch my male friends for a guy. All my male friends are like brothers. It would be like losing a part of myself. Maybe I should just not get married.
