How do I find closure when a girl may not have been honest with me?

[Anonymous]

had been friends with this girl , mainly see her at her work ( a store ) but also saw her at other places in our home area. at the end of summer i was under the impression she was leaving or taking a break from her job and going to school. but when i talked to her she said she wasn't doing that. however the last time i saw her was Thursday before labour day weekend and she doesn't seem to be at that store anymore

so now left thinking she was not honest with me for some unknown reason and not able to find closure , at least if i knew she was somewhere else doing school i would not have to worry about seeing her in our home area or at that store. and it be easier to put this to rest but now i'm left clueless and without any answers.

its also possible she found another job or went on a trip somewhere would explain her absense , i haven't asked anyone there about her , they were mostly annoyed i went in there so much to see her

Updates

1 mo

she was not at her job on Friday night normally she'd be there so obviously she does not work there now , she is somewhere else but i don't know where , a mystery for the time being so perhaps i can find some closure in the fact she isn't there anymore and at least that provides some answers maybe

Updates

1 mo

this morning i cancelled the instagram request made several months ago to follow her page she never accepted or rejected it , infact never even mentioned it when i saw her inperson. also have still not seen her since sep3rd and have no idea of her whereabouts or if she is even still here or not

[Mariogirl09]

You have to realize she's rejecting you. You have to learn to take no AND distance as a SIGN of NOT being interested

[Asker]

she had plenty of chances to speak to me openly and honestly which is why i found it odd she'd do this instead of just telling me something that would of at least made sense and provided some closure

at this point i don't even know if she still works there or even in this area or what she did. but i would agree that her actions the last couple times i saw her there do not seem to indicate an interest in continuing our friendship for the time being , at least not a true friendship ,

[Mariogirl09]

Yea she doesn't have to speak to you either if she doesn't want to

[Asker]

but i was rate there in front of her , if she had something to say she really should of , i suppose if she does not reappear at store soon it at least provide some answer that she is not there anymore

[Mariogirl09]

Man leave this girl alone

[Asker]

i haven't seen or heard anything from her in 2 weeks , sep 3rd would of been last day i actually physically saw her in this area , she was at work but working cash ( kind of odd as usually she'd be on floor doing stuff ) she acted kind of awkward when she saw me about to walk in store but when i came to cash we talked and it seemed ok but i haven't seen her since

[Mariogirl09]

Don't talk to her. Keep it moving. she's not interested. You have to stop this

[Asker]

i haven't seen her in 2 weeks , i'm suspicious she's somewhere else as labour day weekend typically a big exodus weekend here a lot of staff and younger people its there last weekend of work before they go somewhere else or return to school

i don't see what harm would of came from her simply telling me she was going to school or going on a trip, but for some reason she did this , i agree maybe it was her way of trying to distance herself from me without cause trouble or a scene at her work

[Mariogirl09]

😂😂 you are a stalker.

[Asker]

i cancelled the instagram request i originally made several months back possibly in may or June she never mentioned it when i saw her inperson and never accepted or rejected it either just said requested but today i finally cancelled it

i have not seen her inperson or heard anything from her since the sep 3rd date as mentioned , still a mystery as to what is going on with her and if she is even in this area or not

[Asker]

i was just trying to make sense of things but since i have not seen her in almost 3 weeks its proven difficult to come up with an explanation for what happened and why. i was under the impression that we got along really well and that she enjoyed talked to me at work and had seen her at a couple other places before too like gym and restaurant when she had also said hi and talked to me. so its never made a lot of sense why this happened or what exactly was the issue that caused her to do this

[Mariogirl09]

Ots not for you to understand. Just because a girl talks to you doesn't mean she's ready for marriage with you. Move on faster and stop over thinking

[Asker]

she had plenty of oppurtunities to say something if she had something she wanted to say to me or wanted to clear the air as to where we stood.

i cancelled the instagram request as i felt it had taken too long for her to decide and that perhaps its best to take a step back for the time being

i'd still be open to talking to her in the future if she reappears at that pub in our hometown but i think for the time being its best to cancel that request and see what else is going on

[Mariogirl09]

I don't know maybe she's nervous. But she could have accepted the friend request to talk to you there... since she didn't accept id take it as not interested

[Asker]

i'm not sure why she never accepted the request as it was made months ago back when she still worked at store and when we got along better , but it would of provided a way for us to talk outside of the store and with more privacy. we always got along so well though it all seems very weird

i don't have many answers really as mentioned previously , lots of questions but few answers but it doesn't feel like she is still here , she must of left labour day weekend to go somewhere else either for school , a trip or another job/placement maybe but it doesn't feel like she is here rate now

[Mariogirl09]

Seems to me she was just giving you great customer service... what are you not getting

[Asker]

usually i'd go to where she was in the store and talk to her , only on cash a couple times and always felt it was consensual and that she was ok with me being there or i would not of went in so much. as to what we talked about it varied but less about her and more about what i was doing i guess.

thinking when out maybe it wasn't her idea to reject my request but rather someone else? always got the feeling the other staff there was annoyed/jealous i came in to see her so make sense one of them told her not to add me. but it could also been a family member , girlfriend , jealous guy friend who knows right?

cause does not make much sense that she on her own would decide to do this if we got along and knew each other in real life. but rather some influence told her not to accept it for whatever reason

but have few answers really , driving around felt at peace with my decision to cancel the request and feel it was my only option at this point

[Asker]

other possibility something on her page she does not want me to ever see? but its still a public page technically even though its set to private and she has like 500 follows so lots of people have seen whats there and not truly private photo's of herself to begin with

but never seen her page so who knows what secrets it may or may not contain?

but feel the odds of it containing a truly secret item aren't really that good and already know what she looks like so why would it matter by now if i saw a pic of her

it seems so pity that she would not even accept my request , i get that girls reject many requests from men they don't even know or want to meet but she knew me and we got along so it makes little sense and was unfair to me as i felt that i made a genuine attempt at trying to open up a line of communication with her outside of the store that would of improved things between us

[Asker]

went in the store and there was a new cashier working who has an odd resemblence to her but doesn't seem like she works there anymore and if there hiring new people even less likely. still no clue where she went to , doesn't feel like she is still in this area but cannot rule anything out. mostly likely she went on a trip or did go to school? but leaves me with an odd feeling and less closure not knowing what she did

not sure why she did not tell me what she was doing so i'd at least know and not keep wondering , i suppose its her life but i knew her fairly well and obviously she knew i'd wonder what she was up to now.

feel most likely options are she went on a trip > but could be like anywhere in the world just about at her age

or she really did in fact go to school , of maybe some kind of co op or placement somewhere at a different employer

but whatever she is doing she did not care to tell me , she has her reasons but i don't think i was treated fairly and deserved better

[Mariogirl09]

Im sorry she left without saying goodbye

[Asker]

she was not at her work again today either she cannot work there anymore

thinking about it when driving around , feels like she moved on with her life around sep 3rd but didn't bother to tell me for whatever reason

seems like around that time she left that job and possibly left the area to go on a trip or to school or whatever but not here

but seems like she moved on with her life but did not bother to tell me what she was doing , her younger sister is still her ( she never actually introduced me to her so we never meet but she works at a chain restaurant here ) but cannot seem to get her to talk to me yet , feel like she might be able to provide some answers if nothing else

[Mariogirl09]

Just let it go

[Asker]

i haven't seen or heard anything of her yet , i talked to a girl she's friends with who works at a restaurant here for a while today but she did not come up or she did not want to speak of her with me , you think it would of been mentioned but nope

most likely answer is she went to school after claiming to not be going or found a new job / co op in the area but not at that store

[Asker]

crazy update went in the today ( Friday ) and to my shock she was there doing shelves but i didn't say hi and went to cash as i was at cash she walked by and said hi to me , then went into staff room and stayed there until i left so i was unable to talk to her and ask her any questions

i got the vibe that maybe she was upset at me but not entirely sure or that she was avoiding giving me the chance to get any answers out of her by doing that

but it would appear she is still here in some capacity , its possible she went away some weekends in sep to visit friends who are out of town for school

[Mariogirl09]

Its possible

[Asker]

wonder if perhaps she is doing something else during the week and the store is just part time although no idea what else she might be doing? cause she can't be there full time as she's s rarely there, she wouldn't be making enough money to justify it on its own

if she has a second job? volunteering somewhere? lots of possibilities

doesn't seem like she is very anxious to offer up an explanation and in the past her explanations haven't made a lot of sense anyways

[MysticDevice]

Find closure in the fact that you probably won't get closure. You may have really liked her but it just wasn't meant to be. Sorry bud but time to move along.

[Asker]

i would of felt better knowing she was at school , at least then she's doing something with her life and i don't have to worry about seeing her locally for the time being , would agree there is not a path forward at his time to try and advance our friendship , not knowing just creates this void of uncertaintly and no closure as to why she did this

[NathanDavis]

their mistakes are not yours... nor their wrongs


if you did things right... then find the closure in that and move on

[Asker]

i've had people disappear at the end of summer before , its actually kind of normal here as its a seasonal area and a lot of people come here for the summer then leave.

but left feeling lost and mental burnt out at this point with no real answers at all

i suppose she made mistakes or missed oppurtunities that could of resolved the situation sooner , i made a genuine attempt to reach out to her online only for my request to be ignored so i tried but she did not allow for me to do much and now left with no answers but does not seem like she still works there and not clear if she even still in the area

[NathanDavis]

is the same girl from that restaurant that you've been stalking for months now?

[Asker]

this girl does not work at a restaurant she worked at a retail store in our area , i'm not sure if she still works there , she was friends with some people who worked at restaurants here ( as she was same age as them ) but she does not work as a server/bartender

i think she went on a trip ( but unclear as to where or why ) and that might explain her absense , but its also possible she actually did go away to school after claiming she was not going yet

or she found another job in our area but no idea what really as her resume is not that good but some employers prefer to hire women especially younger ones so maybe someone gave her a chance even if she was not exactly qualified

[Anonymous]

Move on and then just be surprised if you see her again. Assume you won’t.

[Asker]

though about the move on aspect a lot , think most people would simply move on if someone did something like this to them.

i don't know what her level of attachment to that job was or not , know years ago i worked one summer in a grocery store hated the manager and never even went back in the store but it was in a another town so never shopped there to begin with.

[onmyradar]

sadly you can't because you don't know if she's lying to you about anything and everything. Just take it that you're finally out of there and be happy that you didn't waste more of your life with that person.

[Asker]

i'm not exactly sure what she was lying to me about , its possible she had been with more guys than i realised and had way more sexual experience than i realised despite coming off as rather innocent. but i'm not even sure if thats what she was lying about as i never really asked her about it or asked who she had dated in the past

she also had a younger sister but whats weird as she never told me about her and we never formally meet , saw her at a chain restaurant where she is a host and is an obituary online that mentioned there is 2 sisters so for sure really her sister. i've also never formally meet her parents but seen them at this pub downtown which they frequent and not even sure where they live despite being a small town of 20,000 , they'd sort of act like they knew who i was and knew that i was friends with her. but i've never talked to them ever

i'm not sure why it would matter if i knew if she was at school or not , i had asked her and she said no but pretty sure earlier she said she was doing something school related this fall and was going to school but seems like a weird thing to lie about

so we have secret boyfriends , secret sister , secret place of residence and secret school or new job?

[Asker]

i find the secret sister the oddest lie as usually people are fairly open about the fact they have a sibling and she is a host at a restaurant that i go to so obviously i was going to meet her at some point

i'd imagine it be fairly common for girls to lie about past sexual partners or guys they were involved with so that one isn't really a surprise , not exactly sure why she generated so much interest as she doesn't like have big boobs if much boobs at all , no tattoo's or even a belly piercing. her personality was possibly the reason , she also did go to the gym a lot when i first meet her although she claimed no longer to be a member although that may also be a lie

the secret residence is kind of weird too , well maybe not in a city but in a small town you often know where people live , often well known who lives where as place isn't that big and everyone knows each other so kind of weird to not even know where her family lives here

[In_Trance]

Closure is overrated. Move on

[Asker]

i suppose but it at least provide some relief if i knew for certain she was somewhere else , being that were from a smaller city i could go about with less worry about seeing her somewhere and knowing she was doing something with her life like going to school would make me feel better