Girlfriend keeps saying she wants to lose weight, caught her eating chocolate in bed.

[Anonymous]

My Girlfriend keeps complaining to me that she eats nothing all day but keeps gaining weight. She will go over everything she had (which is like nothing basically) and then forget she has some things but I think she's lying about what she's eating. She claims she's eating healthy now to slim down, but I caught her in bed eating chocolate the other day first thing in the morning and she shrugged it off like it was nothing. What do I do? I don't think she's being truthful about her efforts.

[Levin]

It's possible to still eat chocolate within the context of a weight-loss regime. However from the sounds of it she's just ignorant about it, or doesn't really have the will-power to follow it through. The ignorance is understandable, people don't appreciate how many calories there are in snacks, or how much exercise it requires to burn off say, a Mars Bar. They underestimate it. Furthermore, people don't know that in certain cases they need to eat more, or more regularly, in order to speed their metabolism up. With regard to the will-power, understandable too, I have a will-power of steel, take things seriously, and I only just manage to get through certain self impositions. Others probably don't have the same level of discipline, especially because they don't get instant results. Sounds like she risks being one of the majority of people who decide they're fat, get on a diet, give up after a month, put some more weight on, go on another diet, give up, and then by the time they are 40 end up being significantly overweight. It sounds like a permanent healthier lifestyle and education needs to be emphasised rather than these diets which are difficult to sustain in the long run. Maybe suggest fun activities that can be done alone and together. That new dance craze Zumba must have a social element, kick boxing you can learn to defend yourself as well as get a cardio work out, stuff like that is fun and sustainable rather than the gym which is such a bore. Or go on a course where you can learn to cook tasty and healthy food. Won't seem like such a drag then?

[Asker]

You are spot on with the starts and quits. She also joined classes and quit them all saying it's boring or not fun.

[Levin]

So what do you think it is? Do you think she actually wants to do it? Or feels pressurised from the outside? I suppose this gets to the crux of the matter. Because ultimately, if she doesn't stick with it, she won't lose the weight. The motivation has to come from within. So I feel for you, because it's probably frustrating. You can't force her to do anything though. Just subtle nudges and hints in the right direction here and there. And maybe a frank, non accusatory discussion, if possible

[Anonymous]

Of course she's lying.

It's the most common lie that women tell themselves. If no one sees her eat it, then the calories don't count.

There's nothing you can do. Like any addiction, she has to actually want to change, in order to change. And it's obvious from the way you describe it that she felt no shame at all about eating chocolate in bed.

[Izzy2102]

First of all, eating basicly nothing is a horrible idea. It will slow down your metabolisim and thus make it harder for you to lose weight and you will easily gain again after you start easting.

Second of all there is nothing wrong with eating a piece of choclate every once in a while. It seems though that she was trying to hide from you, which is not a good sign.

If you feel she's cheating with her diet you can encourage her to stick to it, but don't make it sound like an accusation. Do you want her to lose weight? If so maybe she doesn't so much and if you don't like her the way she is you shouldn't have started dating her.

If you're concerned about her health sit down and talk about it with her

[Anonymous]

First of all you need to talk to her about NOT lying, If she wants to loose weight and she needs to be honest with herself, the benefit of loosing weight if she really tries will be to her not to you. Also not eating is not healthy if she wants to loose weight fast she can try this diet " Helbalife" It helped me loose 14 pounds in 3 weeks, You need to replace breakfast for protein shakes but it also gives lots of vitamins to stay healthy.

[upood]

Well, offer to help and go over her regime with her. Is she exercising, what is she eating etc. and help her come up with a better plan. Dieting is hard so don't get mad if she's eating chocolate but instead try to help her. If she wants to lose weight then encouragement and support is what she needs to stay motivated.

[rachiee]

Tell her she's gorgeous and leave it be.

You can suggest that you both go on a diet together to help you stay on track. But the last thing you want to do is to accuse her about her diet/weight/eating habits.

[Asker]

True. Women shouldn't be accountable for their actions.

[rachiee]

Its her body, NOT yours. If you have an issue with her weight that bad then she deserves better.

[Asker]

Girls who get fat always think they "deserve" better. If you got to a healthy size that might be a valid argument.

[rachiee]

Then leave her! Believe it or not but every girl deserves a guy who treats them right and loves them for who they are. Trust me, there are plenty of guys out there who are willing to do this for your girlfriend. I hope she finds better.

[Spacemon]

How do you expect to find a man who "treats you right" if you can't even treat your own body right?

[summerbanana96]

Well, do you want her to lose weight? If so you're an ass. Love her for being herself. Maybe she cheats her diet a little.. She's probably insecure about herself. Help her to feel more comfortable in her skin. It's hard being a girl. Also starvation won't help you lose weight, and if she wants chocolate, then so what? Don't criticize her for it.

[foolycooly1001]

He could just dump her if he isn't attracted to her. What's wrong with that?

[ThenThereWas1]

Yeah, guys who care about their girlfriend's health are such a**holes.

[Asker]

How am I an ass? She is the one who said she needed to lose weight and wanted to. She is overweight, so me wanting her to lose weight makes me an ass?Herself is whoever she wants to be, and if she really wants to lose some weight, it is still her - just a healthier version. This is exactly why people who are at unhealthy weights don't lose weight. They make excuses like "love me for who I am" (guilt trip)

[summerbanana96]

Well, I think that if you want her to lose weight for looks then that is an a**hole move. If she is obese, then yeah help her lose weight, but don't criticize her for eating chocolate, and I don't see why it would matter? She's probably insecure.

[Anonymous]

foolycooly1001 has the right idea that she should write everything down and try to only drink water and tell her its OK to have something sweet just try to keep to one piece. Also that you care about her heath and maybe you two can walk together or have long sex sessions to brun the calories. ; )

[foolycooly1001]

Ask her to keep a food journal. It's pretty common for people to underestimate what they eat.

[Asker]

That is true. I started keeping a food journal and was taking in so many calories just in liquids like sugary juices.

[lucky24]

you can always try joining yoga/pilates or a gym with her to help her lose weight

diet isn't the only way for weight loss

or just go jogging with her every morning

[CamTheAwesome]

Does she exercise at all? The food journal idea sounds good though.

[sweet_18]

Starving yourself is definitely NOT the way to lose weight. Several small, healthy meals per day and cut down on carbs. Up the exercise.