I love my girlfriend very much and we are together for almost 1 year but she is a bit fleshy and I believe she would be much more attractive if she lost weight. Actually, she also wants to lose weight but she can't lose weight as she is weak-willed. I even gave her a gym membership as a gift but she doesn’t go. What do you think I should do? Am I a bad partner because I want her to lose weight?
From my own experience…. you just have to want it. It’s not even the gym as much as it is diet. I worked out til the cows came home in my 20s, I was fairly fit but never got lean because I just had no dietary discipline. The key is changing your mentality towards food. It can’t be a pleasure source, it has to be regarded as a fuel source. I would work out for four hours and then come home and eat pizza, or Buffalo wings, or subs. Drinking chocolate milk like sugar isn’t real. The biggest weight drop I had was doing fairly moderate cardio on a stationary bike like 4x a week, but more importantly, switching to the “stop eating like an asshole diet.” I bought a rice cooker with a steam tray on it, and started broiling chicken breast with dry Cajun seasoning on it. 15-20 minutes to cook, super easy, and now I try to go back and eat things I used to love, and they just don’t hit the same. We get addicted to sugar and fat, but when you break the addiction, you’re out. And for me, it feels better to take my shirt off at the beach and not be self-conscious about it than it does to taste unhealthy foods and beverages, that’s the bottom line. It requires a lifestyle and mentality change.
There are many reasons why a person may have difficulty losing weight, and it is important to keep in mind that each person is unique and may have different circumstances and challenges.
First, it's important to remember that weight loss is a complex process that depends on many factors, including diet, exercise, genetics, metabolism, mental and emotional health, and more.
If your girlfriend is having a hard time losing weight, it may be helpful to explore some of these factors to determine if there is anything that may be contributing to her challenge.
For example, it may be helpful to review her diet and make sure she is eating an adequate amount of balanced, healthy foods.
It may also be helpful to incorporate more physical activity into her daily routine to help burn calories and boost metabolism.
However, it's also important to note that external pressure to meet certain beauty and fitness standards can be detrimental to a person's mental and emotional health.
If your girlfriend is struggling with weight loss and her self-esteem is taking a hit, it's important to offer support and encouragement so she feels comfortable and confident in her body just the way she is.
Instead of focusing exclusively on weight loss, it's important to focus on adopting a healthy and balanced lifestyle that is sustainable and suitable for each person's individual needs.
You are NOT a bad partner for wanting your girl to lose weight. You would be a bad partner if you slowly drew away from her and went cheating with slimmer girls. THAT is a bad partner. You are here trying to find a solution.
"she can't lose weight as she is weak-willed." ⬅️⬅️⬅️ This is the problem. If she doesn't have the drive to do it then it will never happen.
I was very overweight after my third kid and I was frankly disgusted with what I saw. I also was overeating and eating a lot of junk and fried food to soothe my depression about it.
I was sick of all the energy it took to drag my fat ass around so I changed my eating habits and started moving.
Maybe she has some emotional issues that need addressing and the weight is a by product? Maybe you both could start with healthier meals and focus on a healthier lifestyle from a holistic standpoint instead (mind, body & soul) then get to the weight issue from there.
I just feel people who say "I am how I am" or "I can't because a b c d... blah blah blah", when they know it is in their best interest to make the change their partner is requesting, to be immature and self-sabotaging.
I would say make it easier..
The gym kind of sucks A) you are surrounded by almost all fit people, so it can feel like people are judging you or looking down on you. B) You don't always want to have to go to the gym. So I would suggest getting her workout videos.. and exercise bands those do wonders to help tone arms and legs.. You could try changing your diet with her, like even if you are skinny you should help her by eating healthy with her. Maybe workout with her it might motivate her to have a workout buddy..
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This is honestly disgusting. If you truly loved her then you wouldn't even notice her weight
She’s got to want it bad enough in order to do it.
"She would be more attractive if she lost weight. She wants to, but she is weak-willed"
You would be more attractive if you weren't this shallow and even if you want to be a good partner for her you're clearly weak-willed to not work on your character. On top of that using just the fact that she isn't losing weight to judge her as a weak-willed person, yeah if someone did that to me that would instantly land him in the trash can.
What a disgusting way to think of your partner. She deserves so much better.
If it’s to help her become healthier that’s great. But if you want her to loose weight so you’ll be more attracted to her, not so great. If she knows this is the reason for your encouragement, then it’s going to affect her mentally. She’s thinking you’re not attracted to her and that can cause issues. Depression, resentment, low sex drive, insecurity. Just reassure her that you find her attractive and beautiful. Give her compliments daily. Suggest becoming gym partners. No one wants to hear from there partner, “ you’d be attractive if you lost weight”
You're not bad partner bc you want her to lose weight, however, it should be for the right reasons. Her continued health should be the main concern.
I wonder if she doesn't want to go to the gym bc she just doesn't feel comfortable. She may be a little embarrassed, so the membership is a little premature.
If that is the case, maybe spend a little money to get some equipment for her to work out at home. Something you can use together.
She may just need your help to motivate her and working out together can be fun. Once she starts dropping some weight, and improves her self image, she may reconsider going to the gym.
Some people say that the subconscious mind is 20x times as powerful as your conscious mind. This number may be pulled out of their asses but the point is that we do have a subconscious mind which is important to align to your will. Otherwise you'll forever struggle in the internal battle between your will and beliefs.
For example if she has unresolved emotions built up related to her being fat and she unconsciously acts as if she is fat because that is the only way she can see herself... no surprise. It will work like the nocebo effect even if she doesn't actually physically do anything to get fat.
That's why reprogramming the subconscious mind is so crucial. She can do it. Tell her how excited you are for seeing her in shape.
Similar to how some men have benefited and written testimonials about their success with this guided self-hypnosis meditation:
https://www.youtube.com/embed/dG5cZzbKvW0 Most of the womens responses are silly.
Here's what you got to do. Don't make the goal for her to go and lose double digits right away. What you do is set a goal of 1lb in next week. This is easy and she'll likely lose more. Then you congratulate her on her success. This small win will motivate her to get her ass in the gym and consistently being active.
Tell her take a progress picture each week. When she sees the difference from week 1 to week 3 let's say, that will motivste her into thinking she capable of losing weight.
Evrm better if you go on same diet as her to make it a team effort (silly this is what it may take) but it'll get her in good emotional state
a bit fleshy 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 maybe she is problematic usually when i'm heartbroken for exqmple i lose the desire to lose weight i just don't care anymore that kind of feelinh next issue is probably because she feels ill and she blamed not eatinh enough as the cause to feel ill more. related to this is she doesn't even know whwn she is full. i have this issie i can discipline myself to stop eatinh but I don't know if i've eaten enough for my body. i just feel mire ill and i can't also say that my suspicion isn't true because there are times when i immediately grab something to eat i feel better. i indeed didn't eat enough. so my solution is to eat sweet potatoes or potatoes because these are low calories. basically my issue is i'm fine eatinh only a certain portion as long as i don't get sick
I see you got some bad rep from this question, like most do. But I'd assume the fact that there is even a question then that proves you do care.
You like/love her enough to tell her straight. If you couldn't or wouldn't then there'd be worse problems down the line. You can love someone and not be physically attracted to them, but honestly we'd want to be and there's nothing wrong with wanting health for your SO.
My advice to you is to make it a team-activity. Do it together. Go for runs, visit the gym or play a sport. A nicer way of saying weak-willed is that she has bad dicipline which has more to do with how she see herself and maybe try building her up as a team will do her some good.
Did you get with her when she was already like this? Then that's on you buddy. So best to end it and find someone who you feel more attracted to.
If not, and she let herself go during the relationship, then you have every right to want her to lose some weight. Especially if you yourself take your fitness seriously. Don't let the snowflakes in the comments guilt-trip you for having a preference. Often you'll find that these are the same people who fit in the fat-category. So they're attacking you out of personal offense.
All you can do is motivate her to go (go with her), change some things in the fridge, unload the snack cabinet and have some consistency in eating healthy and exercise. Her weight will drop on its own.
Don't let people tell you that "love is conditional" (it's not) and that you should "love her just the way she is". Those are fatzos guilt-tripping and gaslighting you.
Yes you are. You knew exactly how fat she was when you decided to be with her so to come forward now and want her to lose weight to get more attractive is not ok. You don’t get with someone hoping or pushing them to change, you accept them as they are or you shouldn’t have gotten together with her in the first place.
You’re not a bad partner because you want her to lose weight, you’re a bad partner because of the reason WHY you want her to lose weight. If it was because you cared about her health or what SHE thought and wanted it would be fine. But If you wanted someone skinnier, you should have dated someone skinnier instead from the very beginning. However, if SHE really wants to lose weight and is having a hard time, be supportive to her, encourage and work out with her, cook healthy meals for her etc.
You are a bad partner not because of the weight thing but because you write (and think) "I love... ... but...".
Love is unconditional. If it has conditions on it it's not really love.
If this bothers you that much, break up with her.
Easy.
Yes, you will look like a jackass, because you are, going into a relationship thinking you can change someone, childish and immature.
She can definitely do better.
*Now, if you wanted her to lose weight for her health, and not for the way she looks, this would be a different story, but still entirely up to her, not you.
She is suffering from " fat acceptance " and frankly it shows in her personality , you purchased the gym membership she wouldn't use it , she can't commit to a lifestyle that would work , she has " fat attitude " and that means its going to get worse , Id get rid of her frankly , she'll never be any good. No discipline.
Association is everything , thsi woman will only ever bring you down.
Have you discussed that with her?
Maybe you both should work at losing weight (or gaining).
Don't be an asshole about it, just mention you want to start working out with her or a new diet plan. Work with her.
If she doesn't want to lose weight and you'd rather be single, cut it off.
There's nothing wrong with caring about your girlfriend's health, her c serif image, or in trying to encourage her in a positive way (which sounds like you have).
I don't know why she "can't" loser weight. There are many possibilities. I recommend trying new recipes together and dining out less.
because she's not doing the right things or she doesn't want to. everyone "can" lose weight.
you're perfectly entitled to want a partner that stays in shape fo you. i'm assuming you'd do the same so nothing wrong with it. maybe go with her. and cook together with her too, cause diet is the bigger part of weight loss.
I think you need to be more supportive and understanding. Maybe ask her about what she'd like to do or why she doesn't use the gym membership. Maybe offer to go with her so she doesn't have to do it alone. As someone who ended up gaining a ton of weight and struggling to lose it by myself, I can assure you that being supportive would really help her. Or... Maybe the weight she needs to lose is you?
You are kind of a bad partner. You knew what you were getting into. She was probably already that weight so wanting her to lose it to look better. Bit fucked up yeah.
Why can't she lose it, maybe because she hasn't found the right or a fun way to lose it.
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