So tricky, my daughter was like this, hated herself wanted to loose weight but lacked any motivation and would just give up all the time. We went on the aitkens diet together so ‘we’ could keep on track. She has some lost half of her body weight.
If you care for her and she desires to change, keep giving her a loving push in the right direction. Sometimes we need help to fight our weaknesses and takes someone who cares to help. Just make sure to more tactful about it. You’ll know when someone needs some tough love or just love.
She’s gonna have to find a way to do this if it’s something she is setting her mind to do. If it’s a problem with her motivation then she’ll have to find a way to get motivated. Pushing her to do something, in this case, won’t help.
Plus, let’s be honest, the gym membership was not a gift for her - it was a gift for you and you are using it to shame her for not “appreciating” your generous gift.
I think it's hilarious how all of these people are basically saying "don't date fat chicks if you don't like fat chicks.". (As if being overweight is an identity and not a temporary circumstance. 🙄 )
Well, OK, then! I guess we won't! I guess y'all will have to stay single! 🤷
So much for not being superficial and actually giving someone a chance. Geez.
He’s with her hoping she can transition into a woman he actually is attracted to. He’s doing it for his own selfish reasons. No one made him to date his girlfriend when he can have easily found someone he is actually attracted to.
I hate when people do this. You’re not actually giving them chance. You’re doing it for you’re on benefits. You make them think you’re interested when in reality you’re not. Leading someone on like that is one of the cruelest things you can do. You’re basically telling them, “I won’t be attracted to you until you lose weight but I won’t leave you.” And you’re engraving that into your partner’s mind.
@Sasha0426 Oh, so HE's being selfish? Even though he picks a woman who isn't in her prime form, because he wants the best for her and he believes in her? Gtfooh
“She’ll look more attractive if she lost weight.” Those were his words. If he was so concerned about her health, he would’ve leave that part out. But, he’s not worried at all. He’s worried about his image and what people think. He should’ve went with a woman that was already skinny.
It's objectively true that people look more attractive when they lose weight. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with someone wanting their partner to look attractive. Women want their husbands to look attractive, too.
But, it’s the way he worded it. You don’t have to say you want your partner to lose weight so they can be attractive. That’s going to make them feel they’re not good enough for you and you’ll cheat on them.
And that’s probably why she doesn’t do anything to lose weight. In her mind, she has to do it for him or he’ll leave. She probably calls herself disgusting and ugly everyday and doesn’t believe she deserves love. She probably even asks herself why’s he with her if he finds her so hideous. She’s waiting for him to end the relationship so he can find someone who he actually is attracted to. Hell, I would do the same. Or even end the relationship myself.
If all of that is true, then I think that she should get counseling. That would probably benefit her a lot. She's got way too many deep-seeded issues going on there. She needs to find emotional healing for her insecurities.
Just speaking the truth. He’s going to leave her if she doesn’t do what he wants her to do. Honestly, that would be best because he can find his dream woman that he always wanted.
@Sasha0426 I don't think having such a negative outlook is helpful to anyone. If we're going to be defeatist, then we might as well ALL give up! Right now. On everything.
Also, look at it this way: Why wait a whole year to say something? Why didn’t he reject her when they first met if he didn’t find her attractive? And none of this “because of her personality” bullshit. Personality doesn’t do jack shit.
"Weak willed" is just "I don't want to" without taking responsibility. Women don't lose weight for their men, they lose weight to find a new one. The "newly single diet" is pretty much the only one I've seen work consistently.
Buying her a gym membership is like if you bought her make up. You are making her more insecure of her own insecurities
Even though you think you are being a good partner you are acting like an awful one. Be supportive, if she wants to lose weight then let her do it in her own way even if she has trouble losing it.
Just remind her how lovely, amazing and beautiful she is
I hope she punched you in the face when she opened the birthday card and instead of a gift card from a fancy restaurant she found instead a gym membership/
A person changes whwn they want to change i lost weight in order to win a girl it ended up failing but i got six pack 3 years later. My parents used to force me i didn't do it but when u wanted it bad i did . I guess forcing isn't a good way. Plus its not bad i feel as long as losing fat for her is sustainable and goof for her in long run.
jeuss chr- maybe you should just end it. If you can't handle for your "girlfriend" to not lose weight to your will, then you don't need her. If she wanna lose weight, she will.
Wait, if you’re into skinny women, why didn’t you go with someone that is skinny? Why would you purposely choose someone you know you’re not attracted to?
That’s fine and all, but he’s going about it all wrong. He’s only with her knowing he can change her into a woman he actually likes, and to him she has to do it or he’ll leave her. He doesn’t like her at all. And I like to know what he looks like.
I don't think she wants to lose weight. Or at least not as much as you want her to lose weight. If you don't like her body, break up. Cut the theatrics!
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She deserves someone better than you. Try being a real man and appreciating her for who she is and not what you want her to be.
You can't get her to do it in her own. You're gonna have to workout together, or find an active hobby the two of you can do together. Hiking, biking, that kinda stuff
No you are not a bad partner for wanting her to lose weight. You are a good partner for wanting her to have a good BMI and concerned for her health. That's your line :)
"she is a bit fleshy and I believe she would be much more attractive if she lost weight" is where you lose all your good intention on this, by the way.
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You can't change someone who doesn't want to change.
And if they don't want to go to the gym, then buying her a gym membership she probably deems to be pretty insulting.
I guess you can be honest with her about how you feel.
But for the most part, you'll either have to accept her for how she is, or move on.
So tricky, my daughter was like this, hated herself wanted to loose weight but lacked any motivation and would just give up all the time. We went on the aitkens diet together so ‘we’ could keep on track. She has some lost half of her body weight.
If you care for her and she desires to change, keep giving her a loving push in the right direction. Sometimes we need help to fight our weaknesses and takes someone who cares to help. Just make sure to more tactful about it. You’ll know when someone needs some tough love or just love.
She’s gonna have to find a way to do this if it’s something she is setting her mind to do. If it’s a problem with her motivation then she’ll have to find a way to get motivated. Pushing her to do something, in this case, won’t help.
Plus, let’s be honest, the gym membership was not a gift for her - it was a gift for you and you are using it to shame her for not “appreciating” your generous gift.
I think it's hilarious how all of these people are basically saying "don't date fat chicks if you don't like fat chicks.". (As if being overweight is an identity and not a temporary circumstance. 🙄 )
Well, OK, then! I guess we won't! I guess y'all will have to stay single! 🤷
So much for not being superficial and actually giving someone a chance. Geez.
He’s with her hoping she can transition into a woman he actually is attracted to. He’s doing it for his own selfish reasons. No one made him to date his girlfriend when he can have easily found someone he is actually attracted to.
I hate when people do this. You’re not actually giving them chance. You’re doing it for you’re on benefits. You make them think you’re interested when in reality you’re not. Leading someone on like that is one of the cruelest things you can do. You’re basically telling them, “I won’t be attracted to you until you lose weight but I won’t leave you.” And you’re engraving that into your partner’s mind.
*for your own benefits
@Sasha0426 Oh, so HE's being selfish? Even though he picks a woman who isn't in her prime form, because he wants the best for her and he believes in her?
Gtfooh
@Sasha0426 No. He's not leading anyone on. He's leading her to better health.
“She’ll look more attractive if she lost weight.” Those were his words. If he was so concerned about her health, he would’ve leave that part out. But, he’s not worried at all. He’s worried about his image and what people think. He should’ve went with a woman that was already skinny.
And if you hate me, that’s fine. I hate you, too 😡
Sasha, I don't hate you at all! Damn 🫤
It's objectively true that people look more attractive when they lose weight. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with someone wanting their partner to look attractive. Women want their husbands to look attractive, too.
I didn’t say there was anything wrong with that. And what do you mean prime form? The hell is that?
But, it’s the way he worded it. You don’t have to say you want your partner to lose weight so they can be attractive. That’s going to make them feel they’re not good enough for you and you’ll cheat on them.
And that’s probably why she doesn’t do anything to lose weight. In her mind, she has to do it for him or he’ll leave. She probably calls herself disgusting and ugly everyday and doesn’t believe she deserves love. She probably even asks herself why’s he with her if he finds her so hideous. She’s waiting for him to end the relationship so he can find someone who he actually is attracted to. Hell, I would do the same. Or even end the relationship myself.
@Sasha0426 Prime form is prime form. Look at Jonah Hill now, for example. Does he not look better than he used to look?
@Sasha0426 I disagree. People need to stop being so sensitive and getting offended by everything all the time.
If all of that is true, then I think that she should get counseling. That would probably benefit her a lot. She's got way too many deep-seeded issues going on there. She needs to find emotional healing for her insecurities.
She probably didn’t have insecurities until he showed up. Let’s be honest, he’s gonna leave her.
No, she definitely had them already.
And let's not assume the worst, please.
Just speaking the truth. He’s going to leave her if she doesn’t do what he wants her to do. Honestly, that would be best because he can find his dream woman that he always wanted.
@Sasha0426 Do you actually think that he should stay with her?
If she can't be responsible and make wise choices and take care of herself now, what makes you think that she is going to do so later?
I think he should break up with her and find someone he’s attracted to. He’s not at all attracted to her and we all know that.
@Sasha0426 I don't think having such a negative outlook is helpful to anyone.
If we're going to be defeatist, then we might as well ALL give up! Right now. On everything.
Also, look at it this way: Why wait a whole year to say something? Why didn’t he reject her when they first met if he didn’t find her attractive? And none of this “because of her personality” bullshit. Personality doesn’t do jack shit.
So, yes, he should break up with her right now.
@Sasha0426 You can be attractive and still fat. A lot of people with good genes develop bad eating habits as children.
"Weak willed" is just "I don't want to" without taking responsibility. Women don't lose weight for their men, they lose weight to find a new one. The "newly single diet" is pretty much the only one I've seen work consistently.
Buying her a gym membership is like if you bought her make up. You are making her more insecure of her own insecurities
Even though you think you are being a good partner you are acting like an awful one. Be supportive, if she wants to lose weight then let her do it in her own way even if she has trouble losing it.
Just remind her how lovely, amazing and beautiful she is
I hope she punched you in the face when she opened the birthday card and instead of a gift card from a fancy restaurant she found instead a gym membership/
A person changes whwn they want to change i lost weight in order to win a girl it ended up failing but i got six pack 3 years later. My parents used to force me i didn't do it but when u wanted it bad i did . I guess forcing isn't a good way. Plus its not bad i feel as long as losing fat for her is sustainable and goof for her in long run.
jeuss chr- maybe you should just end it. If you can't handle for your "girlfriend" to not lose weight to your will, then you don't need her. If she wanna lose weight, she will.
She has to want it, but if this is you forcing her then it won't go over well. To add to that, why don't you take initiative?
Lead by going to the gym on your own time and workout and encourage her to join you as motivation.
Wait, if you’re into skinny women, why didn’t you go with someone that is skinny? Why would you purposely choose someone you know you’re not attracted to?
@Sasha0426 Because maybe we're attracted to other things besides a person's weight? 🤷
That’s fine and all, but he’s going about it all wrong. He’s only with her knowing he can change her into a woman he actually likes, and to him she has to do it or he’ll leave her. He doesn’t like her at all. And I like to know what he looks like.
I don't think she wants to lose weight. Or at least not as much as you want her to lose weight. If you don't like her body, break up. Cut the theatrics!
She deserves someone better than you. Try being a real man and appreciating her for who she is and not what you want her to be.
First they date overweight people and then expect them to change. Is this shoujo manga arc? Lmao.
Try doing fun activities with her and suggesting cooking healthy meals together. I would also try altering the food she eats with healthier options.
A bit fleshy lol
You can't get her to do it in her own. You're gonna have to workout together, or find an active hobby the two of you can do together. Hiking, biking, that kinda stuff
No you are not a bad partner for wanting her to lose weight. You are a good partner for wanting her to have a good BMI and concerned for her health. That's your line :)
the only weight she needs to lose is (enter your lbs) of loser, because yes you are a bad partner and don't deserve anyone
"she is a bit fleshy and I believe she would be much more attractive if she lost weight" is where you lose all your good intention on this, by the way.
Get both of you out training at the same time. If that fails your out of luck an needs to go for a fit women instead.
And if she said this to you, what would you say? If she thought you’d be more attractive if you lost weight?