The love of my life won't fight for me

[Lostandhopeless]

We met and had a connection instantly, we lived in completely different countries and 1k mi away from each other, we fought against all odds to be together, and everything seemed beyond perfect. This was it, this was the one. We quit our careers and moved to a new place to be together and build a dream life together. Then merely weeks after we live together, he becomes complacent and all romanticism and love go completely out the window. He's still kind, but it feels more like living with a roommate and not the man who fell madly in love with me and moved 5kmi to a different country to be with me. We fight terribly. He constantly hurts my feelings, and when I tell him he does, he becomes defensive. I beg and plead and cry to him that I feel like he doesn't love me, and I feel so alone, and all I want is for him to show me affection and tenderness and care. No matter what I do or say I can't seem to get through to him, and he doesn't hear me. He argues back. I broke up with him, sobbing and exhausted and hopeless, two nights ago. I ended the conversation completely shattered and he was snippy and angry and saying sh*t from the guest bedroom. The only thing he's done since then is leave me a note in the living room saying he's sorry and asking whether I wanted him to leave right away (meaning pack everything he owns and fly back to his country) or stay as a friend and help me however he can. He hasn't done a single thing to fight for me, hasn't reassured me that he loves me or that he DOES want to be with me (aside from the note). I'm in my room completely broken hearted and in our 1k sq foot house he hasn't even come and knocked on the door to try to talk to me. I even slept with my bedroom door open last night. I want him to say he cares, I want him to fight for me, I want him to tell me he loves me and he doesn't want to go and he want's to work through it and be together. But he's doing NOTHING! I know he cares about me but what the hell? DO something? Am I crazy for expecting him to simply come and tell me he loves me and giving me a damn hug? I'm hopeless.

[Anonymous]

I don't know where you girls got this crazy idea, that if you dump a guy, treat him like sh*t, nag all the time, and turn in an emotional mess of a human being, sobbing and bawling and screaming and whimpering... that the guy you just dumped is going to fight for you.

Are you high? Or just naturally deluded?

Look at the words you use. You fight. You beg. You plead. You cry. You were sobbing, exhausted, hopeless and shattered.

Does that sound like someone a guy would fight for? Seriously?

SERIOUSLY?!?

You broke up with him. Okay? Get that into your head. YOU broke up with HIM.

That is not a sign to a guy that you're worth fighting for. You're not worth pursuing. He moves his entire life to be with you, you turn in to a horrible blubbering nag monster, and then YOU break up with HIM.

Right now, he's thinking what a huge mistake he's made, how the hell did it all go wrong, and how can fix the mess he's made of his life.

None of which, by the way, involves you. Or fighting for you. You are the source of his problems. He's not gonna fight for that. Especially when YOU broke up with HIM.

From what I can see, you thought moving in together was some romantic fairy tale disney thing. You had no idea that when a couple moves in together, it changes the relationship. You were not prepared for this. You had your own fairy tale notion of what it would be like, and when it wasn't like that, you put the ENTIRE blame for that on him.

Because he didn't fulfill your silly girlish notions of what moving in together would be like, YOU broke up with HIM.

I hope he gets the hell away from you, and has better luck in the future.

[Lostandhopeless]

Sorry bud, but not anywhere did I say I nag him, or treat him like sh*t. It sounds like you're speaking from your own jaded experience. I treat him like a f***ing King, and I get shat on by his stubbornness and arrogance. I came to him after he picked a fight with me, vulnerable and honest and telling him my feelings from the heart. He retorted with defensiveness, and I gave up and broke it off. HE put all the fairy tail words into my head, from his own mouth. I didn't invent it out of nowhere.

[coolbreeze]

Maybe he doesn't know how to express himself or even show how to love. It seems like you guys moved to fast without fully getting to know each other. If he was from a different country then it would be hard for you to get to know him in person. Now you see his true colors and it seems like he was putting on an act. I don't think he will fight for you. Maybe he just doesn't know how. He seems to be inexperience with girls and how to express himself or what to say. That is the reason why he wrote the note to you because he is holding pride. But you are right he should be trying to comfort you more. His actions seem very weird for a guy. Not all guys are fighters.

[coolbreeze]

Thank you very much for selecting my answer as the best answer. I hope things work out for you. And good luck with everything.

[stubbsy]

Your holding on to something that just is not there, move on, or your heart will always hurt, this guy is giving nothing of what you need and everyone needs to survive a relationship, and that's love and compassion, so cut your losses, you have talent, they won't go un-noticed, but this guy wouldn't see talent from you if it bit his eye out, so leave and get someone worthy, because this guy surely don't desrve your emotions, because he don't care enough to give an emotion about you, so leave,x

[Quadrophonic73]

Breaking up with a guy doesn't tell him "Come be close to me." It says "get away away from me". Kind of annoying that's not obvious.

Anyway, he probably got in over his head and can't handle the life changes he made to be with you. That's a lot of change. In the end, you can't rely on other people for happiness. I know that's no consolation right now. You can either talk to him honestly and clearly or move on.

Trusting people leads to disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but you have a lot of growing up to do. Life is not about fairy tails and hugs. Move on and next time don't expect so much.