How can someone love you but won't commit?

[Lilbit84]

So since July I have been in and out of a guess relationship. Sold me the moon and stars. Everything was great. He started showing other woman a little bit more attention and I called him out on it. Then we split up. This nearly did me in. I fell for him harder than any of my relationships in the past. I'm talking even the 9 year ones didn't affect me as bad as this one. We stopped seeing and talking. Every now and then he would send me little messages like hope you are doing well blah blah. Then dec 10 he asked me to come back to him he confessed he messed up. So I did. Once again I bought the moon and the stars. The last couple weeks the talking was lesser. He didn't want no company when I wanted to see him. I know a girl at his work confided in him over her relationship with her guy. Since then he been distant. Well today he said I love you but just not ready to be in a committed relationship. WTF dude. So I was prepared for this already but I have the weight back against me chest. Told him his not worth wasting my time or energy nor my heart. And to not contact me no longer. I guess that chick didn't even know about me. But I'm over it I just don't understand

[BullShark]

Because you can't.

Telling someone you love them but not being ready for commitment is like saying you love mac and cheese, but you're also lactose intolerant, so eating anything dairy related will make you violently sick.

I'm pretty sure I've said this on other posts as well, but most people, I guess, don't seem to understand what loving someone truly is and what it feels like. When you love someone, you don't want to talk to, or even think about anyone else like that. You don't want to think of a world where they're not "The One" for you, and even the thought of them pulling away from you, or a break-up fills you with hurt. The way I see it, he's keeping you around for validation and as a last resort for whenever he feels lonely, and when the girls he's actually chasing aren't giving him any attention back. He may be attracted to you physically, but that's called lust. Not love.

And I understand that this will hurt you more than it will hurt him, because I can see that you actually love the guy; but you need to break up with him and cut him off. For good this time. Nine years is a long time, I know, but being in a one-sided relationship where you're the one doing all the loving, while the other person just leeches off of you whenever they feel like does more harm than good. Being single and loveless is much, much better than being with someone who's holding you back from getting back out there and actually finding someone who would love you back the way you deserve.

[Lilbit84]

Yeah this is the second time since we started this in July he has done this. So I definitely will be hurt but I will be able to get over it better than I did the first time. I told him I would rather be alone than be in a one sided relationship which I never know from day to day the intention of him coming back. I'm not afraid to say that he let me go because it was headed there anyway. Thanks for the help

[aceleon]

İ will present you a different opinion from other sappy lovers.

Love is an emotion, commitment is an action, not every emotion causes same actions.

Some people just tells when they are angry while the others might choose violence and some other can have a cold revenge.

Not everyone loves the same way.

You can love someone and not want to combine your life with them, i can love a girl like Romeo loves juliet but i don't want to fight about who Does which chore, or the bills or the kids etc.

Let's be honest, commitment kills the fire and leaves just bitter ashes and searing embers.

[sage2021]

I think that you did the right thing by telling him to buzz off!
Believe it or not I was in a relationship on and off with this guy who had commitment phobia.
There's a book 📚 titled "Men who can't love" and I sent him a copy in the mail. He actually read the book and we discussed it. After reading the book he found out a lot about But still no commitment!

Finally I ended up moving 3,000 miles away from him and ya know what? He flew 3,000 miles to see me TWICE and still no commitment!

I was glad when he went home and finally got over him!!

What a big waste of my time thinking that if he was around me and really got to know me, maybe he would change his mind. Nope! It never happened!

We didn't see each other for one year then started seeing each other again. The next time we didn't see each other for two years and when he came back it was the same old crap.

I was naive back then. I had never been in a relationship like that before. I was used to being married but not that crap!

Stay away from him because he will never change and I can guarantee you that! 🌷

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO 🙂🧁🌷

[DishLady]

Aaaah… “love is not love which alters when alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove… it’s an ever fixed mark…” (Shakespeare, 116). This guy had it right.


Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you’re able to live together or be around one another 24/7/365. It doesn’t mean you’re flawed or shallow or anything. It just means you’re meant to leave space for different types of love in your life.


Think of your heart as a sort of “bento box” — and you know the physical heart actually has four parts…. Now think of the people and things you let into you heart. What do you love most deeply? Everyone and everything has its time and place.

[DishLady]

(Also, don’t think Mr Moon and Stars isn’t being genuine. The urge to try again, to know what he’s lost in being away from you, might be genuine… But clearly he was trying to figure himself out and realized he’s not ready to jump into a lifelong commitment. Honestly? Better he tell you up front than to marry you… make babies… then cheat and ruin your life. Chin up, girl. Move on.)

[Finchie40]

Because they only love the convenience of you but they truly don’t love you completely. They love you as a friend and the love the benefits they can receive from you , mainly the sex , but they fully can’t commit to you because they are keeping their options open for someone else.

[Vesuvius87]

Anyone can say they love you without actions. That's not loving someone. That's lovebombing someone. Like someone stated, falling in love is easy but working as a team in a relationship, assuming responsibilities and seeing if they're even compatible to you are the harder part.

A relationship isn't just base on feeling and romance. That's part of it but not the whole cake. You should see if they're even like-minded to you in goals and values.

[PeachyPie93]

It's all just words.. he's just a good liar. Lots of guys who want to fuck around claim "I love you but I am just not ready yet" it is all just talk because he enjoys he has a chick who actually loves him to fall back on when he needs a boost. Sex is so easily available now from plenty of woman so lots of men don't need to settle on one person. So they love to play this "I love you game" but don't be dumb and fall for the lies. A man who genuinely loves you will always chose you first, if he really loves you he will bring you the stars and the moon and not just talk about it.
Don't believe the bullshit because some men have asses for mouths. This why you play the waiting game with men and never have sex at least for 3 months and not without commitment since it weeds these goofs out.

[Lilbit84]

Thank you

[PeachyPie93]

No problem :)

[Kelley1]

You want to know why. It is very simple but you don't want to hear the truth.

First, what benefit does he get from marrying a woman you age. The laws and family courts are stacked against him. If you divorce him, you gain a lot of money and he loses a lot of money.

Second, why would a man tell you the truth when you reward him with sex if he lies but you punish him by denying sex if he tell you the truth. If he tells you the truth by saying, you are good enough for sex but for marriage I can do better, you will punish him for telling the truth.

[molonski2]

Ohh that can easily happen , he can still love you without wanted a commitment , the two are not mutually exclusive.

[PeachyPie93]

That isn't love.. that is only like at best LOL

[Joshydavid25]

Love is an action, not necessarily a feeling or just a feeling..

[molonski2]

Love comes in many differing forms , sometimes the timing is not right , and love and commitment are not mutually exclusive.

[Joshydavid25]

I think Love is commitment and that you can't have one without the other.. Otherwise you just vaguely care about the person maybe..

[Lilbit84]

I cared a whole lot and I agree with the timing part but it is always when he gets around new female coworkers. He recently changed jobs and this happened

[AManOnTheWeb]

What don't you understand? You got used by an asshole.

in my opinion you're asking the wrong question. The question you should ask yourself is "why am I attracted to an asshole who threw out some major red flags and took him back anyways?" How is/was your relationship with your father (it's more of a rhetorical question to ask yourself)?

[exitseven]

The world is a scary place. Relationships are scary things. Falling in love with someone is the easy part, it's what comes after that is what's scary

[ihateTaylorSwift]

users will be users
beggers can't be choosers
if they not ur lover they just a horny loser

Says Me 🙋‍♀️

Or like TS once said 👱‍♀️
"cuz when you're 15 and somebody tells they love you
You're gonna believe them"

[Flower7]

Sounds like he’s not interested in anything serious. You shouldn’t place too much importance on the things that he says, especially since he’s entertaining other women.

[itsannalee]

He doesn’t love you, he just loves himself.
If he loves you, if he wants you, he would give you thing who make you feel secure enough.

[Nikki1989]

Some people have deep-seated fears around commitment due to immaturity, fear of losing independence, or simply a general aversion to long-term relationships.

[Nothingfree]

He if loved you then he would commit. Love is an action word if he says he love you but does everything that goes against what he says he doesn’t love you. Life is to short to waste with people who doesn’t take our hearts serious.

[Agape93]

For me as an example, I don't need or want a formal title or legally binding contract, just to show I love someone.

[Justneedtokno]

That can be any different reasons and they really do love you and they may not just be ready or you’re still confused. Still getting it together. Wants stability A bunch of things

[jshm2]

Because they don't really love you. If the pussy is great on lease, why buy?

[msc545]

He very wisely does not wantto marry you. Men don't do that anymore and for good reasons. Ask hiome and he will tell you why. It is not about you specifically.

[LiamS95]

A perdon thst is incapable of commitment is generally incapable of truly loving you.

[Connie88]

He wants you exclusive with hm while he plays around from what it sounds like.

[Blueeyes81]

Being in love is not the same as compatibility.

[Sevenpointfive]

@Blueeyes81 is compatibility stronger than love?

[Blueeyes81]

@Sevenpointfive i think it's more lasting.

[Sevenpointfive]

compatibility is faked in most cases. it's a ruse to get women into bed

[Blueeyes81]

@Sevenpointfive same can be said for love. How many I love yous were strictly to get in a girls pants. What I'm talking about is being in love but not being compatible. It almost never works out. Some are smart enough to realize this and never let it proceed any further and others it takes 4 or 5 divorces to realize water and oil don't mix.

[WhitneySnow]

He probably doesn’t really love you

[Lilbit84]

Yeah I agree he only "loved" me at the time

[Anonymous]

Commitment today is very different for men than it used to be.

[Anonymous]

well as a female i did love a dude and still not want a relationship with him, so why can't that be true reverse

[GlowUpGirly5]

BECAUSE HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. DUH ! you're 41 STOP BEING SO AIRHEADED

[Lilbit84]

For one im 40, two I'm far from airheaded. You don't know me. I don't know you but move along with your cut down

[GlowUpGirly5]

You're still too old to be this dense

[Crazzyyworld]

Because women are free to cheat in the us. They cheat have other men’s children and yet she get rewarded by lots of money from divorce settlements.

[Yohenis]

You don't even realise you were the side chick lmao what a bimbo

[dragoblack]

Sounds like he wanted a situationship

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Because they don't love you. They are BS'n you.

[Vickie06]

Because they just want one thing.

[BigTex53]

He just can’t commit. Forget him.

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆