If an older man (a shy one) was interested in you, how would you let him know how you felt about him?

[Anonymous]

I'm in classes with women nearly half my age. I look a lot younger, but that's not the point. I respect and enjoy spending time with some of them but feel creepy commenting on their Facebook pages, or even talking to them in the halls. If you were in your early twenties and a guy in his thirties were shy about making the first move, how would you let him know you are or are not interested?

Updates

+1 y

I had a little rapport with one girl, but it fizzled, I became painfully aware that I was now the age of "that guy" at the club, the one that I used to make fun of when I was first in college.


There's just one girl who keeps coming to mind, who's into a lot of the same things, and I wish there were a magic test to tell if I should make a move.


I have all summer to get my game together, so keep the advice coming. xoxo

Updates

+1 y

What's the biggest age difference you've had in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think most older guys need to make the first move. Most girls in their twenties who are into older guys are going to expect him to be the leader in the relationship. A good way to feel it out is to just make casual conversations with them like they were anyone. It's only creepy if you act creepy and forcefully sexual. Other than that, don't act too over the top with your attention. On Facebook, don't comment on everything they post, don't make remarks on old photos about how good they look, etc. In the hallways, just chat them up like normal human beings, don't try to come off with crazy pickup lines. Let the guys their own age do that show-off crap. The girl who is into older guys (aside from the gold diggers) are going to be looking for someone more mature than the other guys. If she isn't into it, she will talk politely, but often make excuses to leave the conversation quickly. You may find her eye contact is lacking or that she is looking for ways to exit the conversation. Steer clear of the girls who are talking about partying all the time and hanging out with the flashy young guys -- probably not your target audience.

[pnutchelle]

Well it just depends on the person and the situation, frankly. I am in my early 20's and I find older men to be very attractive. They are in a different place then men my age are. So I suppose if the guy was shy I would ask him to grab some coffee or something along those lines where we can talk and get to know each other on a casual basis. As far as not being into him.. That really all depends on if he is showing any signs of being into me other than purely on a friendship based level.

Don't feel creepy. They are aware of how old you are and although you may be older they are adults (hopefully). Age is really just a number, if you are interested in someone (over 20) go for it! Sometimes you as a man needs to step up and make the first move.

[Asker]

"They are aware of how old you are and although you may be older they are adults (hopefully)."

No, they're the twelve year olds in my middle school math class. They're so mature for their age, though...

Just kidding.

[pnutchelle]

What I mean is some can still act like a child or be immature. :-P Not implying you are a pedophile HAHAH

[Anonymous]

Not interested: I'd honestly just tell him (only if I knew he was interested in me).

If I somehow find out that he was interested but we haven't had many conversations, I'd dislike the fact that he's interested and hasn't bothered to talk more and I would disregard his like for me. Basically saying no in my head without telling him directly. I wouldn't respond to any flirting and I'd avoid going anywhere with him.

If I wanted to be with him, I'd talk to him more, become more comfortable with that and ask him to go for lunch/dinner with me.

[Opinion Owner]

How far up 30 are we talking? :P

32 for my age (24/25) is already cutting it.

[pnutchelle]

Lets put it this way... I was 19-20 dating a 45 year old.. Age only matters to those who it matters to.. If you connect with someone on a deeper level through communication or whatever interests you have in common then your age shouldn't be bothersome to her. Especially if she is still talking to you :-)

[Opinion Owner]

Only 2 years difference so far.

[Stacyzee]

I really could careless about age only because I've dated older men my entire life.

As long as we have plenty in common I can overlook several years difference.