Why would a guy act differently when texting, than in person?

[tishtosh91]

When him and I text, we have wonderful conversations. We try to flirt without making it too obvious and can hold conversations for hours about basically anything. When in person, however, He is very different and hardly engaging. Its very awkward between us. I definitely feed into the awkwardness also, (He's not all to blame!) by not knowing how to respond to this difference.

I just don't understand. Why would he be this way in person? Why is he different when texting? He is not a shy person and it seems to be a non-characteristic behavior for him. Also, why does it seem like we are close while texting, but in person, things are so distant?

Thank you!

[Mrcdinis]

I understand that, since when you write, you're not actually saying it, it feels different. It's weird sicne you know that the other person will see it, but it's really easy to say something you normally wouldn't say just by texting. These are not actually words you can hear, these are words you can see so the feeling of them will be a lot different that listening to the voice itself like, with letters someone can say that loves you a lot on a lot diferent ways. There is a whole new world where you can express your feelings and make other people smile, where in real life, that's hard because you're actually seeing how the other person reacts to what you're saying and if you see that person acting strange towards it, you will probably stop or change conversation. That doesn't happen on a cellphone, and that why it's magical :)

I'll give you one example that I live like, every day... I do write a lot, give a lot of reply and comments to other people on the Internet, I give my own opinion towards different content (I just don't reply when I don't know what the hell they are 'talking' about xD) and so on and so forth... Although in real life I'm a really closed guy, barely speak to other people about myself and most importantly about my past (Where online I have tons and tons of articles about that subject - One of them is on this forum actually. It's bad grammar, not great in terms of content, unorganized, but it's there xD). It's really easy to express yourself with letters since you are not worried about what others will say or think about since you're the author of that content and that's all it maters. Just like a book, you may read it and saying it's boring, but you've bought it and the author has made money for that, he/she has been rewarded already for his work.

Although, in a relationship, that's really bad and unfortunate to happen since you both are afraid to act like yourselves in front of each other so that the other doesn't feel bad about what ever your doing (embarrassment, could be an example) and that's bad since you can't know each other by texting and if you don't know each other, then there is no relationship to be built so someone has to make a move about that.

You know, without communication you can't start a relationship and by communication I mean speaking to each other. If you can't do it face to face, do it on the phone, but don't text to know each other since that's a big mistake. I've made that error and I'm about to lose the one I love because of that since I'm on a relationship where I couldn't talk about myself with her when she did it right away. We've made 9 month yesterday and I don't see her for almost 2 weeks by now because she feels that I don't trust her...sentence)

If you really want to be with that person, loose yourself to him and let him know you, but don't feel about if he doesn't do the same (give him time if needed, but not too much).

(Going out of characters to use, Hope I've made my point. Cheers:)

[kholland65]

It's simple really...

First of all, texting slows down a conversation, which in and of itself makes things less awkward. You can't really have those pauses of silence over text. A 5 min conversation gets stretched out into an hour when you text, which gives the impression that the conversation is really flowing.

Two, texting gives you more time to think. I know many times during texting, I've paused and spend a minute or two thinking of a witty answer to what she said. Again it slows down the conversation and gives you time to think, making conversation easier for those who normally aren't the best conversators.

Finally, its of course more unnerving when the person you are talking to is standing right next to you. Texting, like email, Facebook, the internet, etc. has a certain level of anonymity and security either because the people we are talking to don't know us, or in your case simply because they are not sitting right next to us. In other words, you are thinking more clearly because the persons presence isn't making you nervous, nor can things like body language influence what it was you were going to say.

[why-makoto-kun]

This is a good question. He doesn't distract himself with his phone when you're in person right? That is kind of rude if you're trying to have a conversation or something, but maybe not so much if you're both enjoying silence together.

Try hanging out in person, and maybe talk to him about it. Like, "man, it's so different texting versus hanging out! I feel kind of shy." I think guys appreciate it if you tell them what's on your mind like that.

Also, since you guys aren't officially together,maybe he likes you and feels super awkward? Again, I'm not there so it's hard to tell.

[Arwens-Fire]

Sounds like a SHY guy.Its easier to put things in text,than engaging face to face.When writing texts,you can calculate what is said,what you will say...etc.Its difficult to do this in person for some people if they are interested in someone else.The longer you guys get to know each other,the easier it will become.

[rainbowfishy]

He probably feels more comfortable hiding behind a screen than in person because maybe he feel like when texting he can edit what he says before sending it and in person you can't take back what you say. Try to bring up common interests when you guys are talking in person

[Confucius16]

There are two possible reasons that I can think of. But first, texting is not a substitute for real-life communication. It is much more satisfying and rewarding to talk than text.

The first possible reason that he is like that could be that he is shy. You say that he is not shy, but how did you arrive at that conclusion? Even if he is not shy, that does not mean that he is good at communication.

The other possible reason could be that he is not great at communication. It is so easy to text. How much harder would it be for him to talk in real life and have all the social dynamics like body language and eye contact going on? Pretty difficult, especially if he is accustomed to texting more than talking. In real life communication, you have to speak right where someone left off, and vice verse, and you talk MUCH faster than you type on a small keyboard.

Finally, it is more like texting is so distant, while real life communication is close. Texting is not close at all, despite what many people think.

[mistercupid]

He is a completely different person texting. This altered personality is common since the advent of writing, phones, and more so now with the social computer age. Its easy to be confident, romantic or whatever when its just hitting keys. Right now I am typing I really love you and care about you, easy. Its easy to do when I don't have to look you in the eyes and am not leaving myself vulnerable. I can always tell myself I just typed it its not like I told you in person. This is the same reason why spouses often cheat on their significant others online and don't seem to feel guilty. They can say it was a harmless conversation. Good luck =)

[Theguyoverthere]

Because face to face interaction is "confrontational" and you can't "think about what to say" or wipe the text and put something else you wanted to say in the chat box.

As we move along with technology don't be surprised if future children do not have the ability to interact with each other very well at all. It's already rare enough to meet someone who likes a phone conversation anymore.

[Confucius16]

I agree. Speaking in real life is much more spontaneous.

[shadowofthebat]

It has NOTHING to do with him, but 150% everything to do with YOU. He seems different because YOU are not giving him ANYTHING to respond to. You respond with short one-word answers, don't ask questions, and expect him to do ALL of the work.

Next, you're going to pretend their is "no spark".

Check yourself, theirs your answer. Just because you are too shy and nervous, it shouldn't be up to him to break down your walls. And you certainly should not reject him for not being able to. Again, it is all about YOU.

[Isaiah15]

Pretty much what other people have said he may get shy. I'm having the exact opposite problem, I talk to this girl in person and we get along pretty well, even spent time outside of school.texting her is pretty awkward though, not sure which one is better though. Hope for the best!

[Shooter-McGavin]

This will be a BIG issue for future generations.

People spend more time talking behind a screen rather than attaining face-to-face experience.

Charming, seemingly witty, and outgoing behind an LCD screen but suck on the fly how it's supposed to be.

[AnonGuy]

First consider why are you like that as well. Then replace all the "I"s in your reason with "he"s, and you will have the answer.

[Anonymous]

It must be that he's just shy and gets nervous around you.

Some people do well in talking when texting/social media sites because they can think things thoroughly.