When is banter too much?

[Anonymous]

Banter is what makes us British, it's playful teasing, flirting in some cases, but when is too much banter... well too much?

It seems my current girlfriend loves it, she's told me it's "part of my life", but some times to me it sounds like the verge of insulting. Maybe because I haven't been involved with banter too much in my life, maybe I'm just quite a sensitive person, but when you're in a relationship/friendship with someone you need to respect that they are different and have different feelings.

I don't mind banter in the slightest, only when both parties are throwing it back and forth on each other, that's what banter truly is. But if it continues and it's only one person directing it to another then it makes them an ***-hole, wouldn't you agree?

Anyway, I try to take her banter with a pinch of salt but it's constant, every single night out she'll use it. And it's not something like "I'm still having sex with you even with that pubic hair on your face" that's fine, that IS banter ... it's more "You're such a retard" ... I get it, on occasion this IS banter ... but if she keeps saying it it comes across as an insult.

What should I do about it? I've told her how I feel but she seems to keep doing it.

[madhatters4]

i don't think responding the way she does is either productive or mature. if anything it may only play into the games she is playing or turn her off and you may end up looking like the bad guy

I think if you've explained to her that you don't like the way this "banter" goes then you have to take the next step and ask yourself, "is this really the kind of relationship I want?"

If this is the way she behaves then it's fair to say that she isn't going to change anytime soon. so is it worth it to see if she'll respect your requests to not continue the behavior or is this just who she is and maybe you need to find someone who can consider your feelings and fair requests?

[GhostGirl49]

To me that isn't banter and I am British. What she is doing is demeaning you in public. Put your foot down and tell her to stop it, don't talk about how it makes you feel as you have already done that, the next time she does it turn around and tell her to shut up and stop it.

[justclueless]

start saying mean things to her. she'll understand how you feel eventually and stop

[Asker]

I don't think that's a good idea ... I thought girls were very sensitive, so I'll end up seriously hurting her feelings and she'll end it with me.

[justclueless]

don't be too mean. just a little mean. mean enough to make her feel how you feel. she can't be too sensitive if she does that to you.

[Anonymous]

do the same or ignore her completely.

[COCOCHANEL]

tell her she's taking it too far and give her time to think about it. time out, sit in the corner.